In the fifteenth part ofÂ Hogfather, Susan confronts Teatime while Death reveals his motivations. Intrigued? Then itâ€™s time for Mark to readÂ Discworld.
AHHHHHHH EVERYTHING IS FINALLY HAPPENING!
Susan and Teatime
Gods, I really, really do not like Teatime. There is no redeeming feature in this characterâ€™s make-up, and at this point, all I want is for Susan to destroy. He is so cruel to Sideney over something that isnâ€™t really in his control. Heâ€™s likeâ€¦ oh god. Teatime is like all those assholes I met through my retail job who would demand impossible things of me and my employees and then get mad we couldnâ€™t fulfill them. (Like the horrible woman who tried to get me to returnÂ clearly used underwear. I wish I was lying.) Teatime is also 90% of all people who hire a graphic artist for commission/contract work, except heâ€™ll murder you at the end. OTHERWISE, HE IS THE SAME.
I feel very good about typing that. Iâ€™m gonna start calling unreasonable jerks Teatime, and Iâ€™ll mispronounce it, too.
So, anyway! Susan and TeatimeÂ finallyÂ meet, and I came to realize that I was looking forward to this more than anything else in the book. Which is weird in hindsight because I donâ€™t think I would have expected them to ever meet, given how the story was unfolding. I had figured early on that Teatime andÂ DeathÂ would have a big confrontation. This, though? Oh, itâ€™s so much better. Why? Well, I feel like theyâ€™re more evenly suited to battle another, first of all. But Iâ€™m now noticing how many times Pratchett hints at the twist that comes at the end of the section. I missed each of them, and it wasnâ€™t until he spelled it out that the terrible irony hit me:
She was normal. Here, she was what sheâ€™d always wanted to be.
SHE HAD TO GO THROUGH THE DOOR, REMEMBER? OH MY GOD. THEYÂ ARENâ€™TÂ EVENLY SUITED AT ALL. How??? How is she going to stop him???
Violet and Bilious
Okay, I kinda love the idea of a temp god. This is my new favorite thing, and I kinda wanna run with it and write a modern version of this. Itâ€™s perfect. PERFECT. Oh god, and I could make it set in theÂ American GodsÂ world and Iâ€™m just gonna stop here. This will get out of hand soon. Anyway, I am guessing that Violet will learn who Bilious is very soon, but that discovery canâ€™t happen here because of the Vanishing Cabinet that sends people to the Room of Requirement â€“ er, back to the real world, butÂ dead. Thereâ€™s something viscerally horrifying about the way the nightmares in this world kill people, yâ€™all. Itâ€™s not funny atÂ all, but I suspect that Pratchett never intended these moments to be hilarious. This place is more or less fighting back against the intruders as they get closer to their goal. Thatâ€™s kind of ironic, isnâ€™t it? Their very belief is what fuels these things, despite that theyâ€™re trying toÂ stealÂ it from others. The very thing theyâ€™re hoarding is causing their demise.
I felt very comforted by the fact that Iâ€™d nailed down a great deal of the mystery at work here. The Auditors had â€œkilledâ€ the Hogfather through Teatime. Like weâ€™ve seen of them before, the world was too sloppy with the Hogfather in it, especially since he represented a â€œwistful lyingâ€ in humanity. So, Death set out to correct that disparity in belief, as Iâ€™d hypothesized! I felt so proud of myself. I HAD GOT IT RIGHT.
â€œAnyway, whyâ€™reÂ youÂ doing the job?â€
SOMEONE MUST. IT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT. THEY MUST BE SEEN, AND BELIEVED. BEFORE DAWN, THERE MUST BE ENOUGH BELIEF IN THE HOGFATHER.
â€œWhy?â€ said Ridcully.
SO THAT THE SUN WILL COME UP.
The two wizards gawped at him.
I SELDOM JOKE, said Death.
WHAT THE FUCK, Yâ€™ALL.Â I donâ€™t get it! How are those two things evenÂ remotelyÂ related??? I figured that Hex would have helped me understand this, but instead, Pratchett takes this plot in an adorable direction. Death orders Hex to believe in the Hogfather â€“ which is a brilliant strategy, I might add â€“ and Hex then immediately makes a Hogswatch list. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHATâ€™S ON IT, FRIENDS. Please let that happen. PLEASE.
Mark Links Stuff
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