In the fifth part of Carpe Jugulum, this may be the most unnerving thing that Pratchett has ever written. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Discworld.
Trigger Warning: For consent.
It’s not wholly unlike Pratchett to avoid doing creepy things in his work, so I don’t want this review to be devoid of that context. But both this section and the previous one are so relentlessly uncomfortable, and he knows it, and HE JUST KEEPS MAKING IT REALLY HARD TO READ. But that’s not a bad thing! The mind control we’re witnessing is so outright, and I think that’s why it’s hitting me so hard. The Magpyr’s don’t do any of this in secret; they openly admit to these characters’ faces that they are controlling them. Somehow, that’s so much scarier to me than anything that is more insidious. AND YET THIS STILL ISN’T THE ONLY THING GOING ON HERE AND I HAVE LOTS TO TALK ABOUT.
Hodgesaargh
What the fuck HOW IS THERE ALSO A PHOENIX IN THIS BOOK. We’re vampires not enough? Clearly not, but I also want to make it clear: I am not complaining. BRING IT ON, MORE MAGICAL CREATURES FOR EVERYONE. This also seems to have come out of nowhere… sort of? I assumed that Hodgesaargh’s birds were freaking out because they sensed that the Magpyr vampyres were on the grounds. That made sense, right??? Except now it’s clear that they were flipping out because a Phoenix’s egg was about to hatch. Where did it come from? Why now? WHAT’S GOING ON?
Small Blue Figures
WHY IS IT THAT AGNES AND NANNY DON’T NOTICE TWO BLUE FAERY THINGS IN AGNES’S COTTAGE? Okay, okay, they are very understandably distracted. And they were on top of the bookshelf. And I’ve just convinced myself that most people in any sort of mental state wouldn’t have seen them. BUT HEY. WHY ARE THEY HERE. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THEM. IS THERE ANOTHER COUP ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
What is this book. What is this book.
The Magpyrs
I get why Pratchett focuses the bulk of this on Nanny and Agnes because IT’S SO IMPORTANT. Agnes’s “dual” nature is addressed in a little more detail here, though it’s a bit weird, isn’t it? I think Pratchett is trying to say that Perdita is more than just Agnes’s internal voice; she is so drastically different than Agnes that she’s pretty much a separate person. Which would mean that the vampyres would have to work twice as hard? Or is it that Perdita takes no shit and thus cannot be corrupted? Okay, so he’s not perfectly clear on this, but the point remains: Agnes is the only person thus far who can resist the mental clouding and mind reading of the Magpyr clan. Oh, Verence sure is trying, which also terrified me on some level because his struggling is so visceral, you know?
It’s also why watching Nanny assertively state that she can fight the Magpyrs is just as creepy. Nanny takes no shit either; she’s like a less mean Perdita in that sense. However, she turns to the vampyre’s side immediately, meaning that all a person needs to be is CLOSE TO A MAGPYR IN ORDER TO BE AFFECTED BY THEIR MIND CONTROL. They don’t have to speak their alternative facts; just being in their presence makes these people believe that they’re perfect and deserve to be welcomed in as the new leaders of Lancre. Nanny did not stand a chance, y’all, and I’M NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF THE WAY THROUGH THIS BOOK. If this is how this starts, then what else is waiting for me?
A showdown between Agnes/Perdita and Count Magpyr, I imagine. It takes the man very little time to recognize that Agnes is special, that she’s able to resist his mental terror. (Seriously, Pratchett drags nothing out in these scenes. Everything is happening so quickly!) His monologue about their modern vampyre sensibility is perhaps the most disturbing thing in this entire section. I’m guessing that explains how they’re able to resist garlic, right? Somehow, they’ve eschewed their “stupid and superstitious past,” but… how? How can they just become immune to garlic, if that works on all other vampires? Does that mean you can see them in mirrors? That they can go out in sunlight? There’s the long passage about religious figures/shapes that confirms that they’re immune to other stereotypical vampire weapons. Oh god, it does explain the whole invitation thing!!! They haven’t been able to get around that superstition, so they stole Granny’s RSVP. AM I RIGHT??? (Don’t actually tell me.)
Count Magpyr even outlines a bit of his plans for Lancre, which involves the destruction of “lesser” races and, I imagine, the complete subjugation of humans. It’s actually eerie to read because it hits way too close to home. You know the whole new-fascist thing going on in my country right now? Yeah, well… awkward! The Magpyrs ring close to a real truth, y’all. So how do you stop that? How do you fight a force that seems invincible, that’s collected an ungodly amount of power in a very short amount of time, that has controlled and entranced everyone they come into contact with? My god, Agnes is so alone in this. Where is Granny Weatherwax?
https://youtu.be/xrE7UxCmwuw
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