Mark Reads ‘Carpe Jugulum’: Part 12

In the twelfth part of Carpe Jugulum, Verence is rescued, Nanny and Magrat discover an obstacle, and Agnes and Oats deal with Granny. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Discworld.

Let’s split this up, friends!


Well, at least I’m trying, right? I know full well that I’ve been butchering pretty much everything that is coming out of the mouths of the Nac mac Feegle, and you know what? I can’t even feel that bad about it. It’s hard! If I could do the accent, I think I’d have an easier time, but I have never been an accent person. I’d love to be, of course, but alas, you get my monstrous pronunciation of everything they say. I’M SURE THERE WILL BE MORE OF IT. The Nac mac Feegle brilliantly retrieve Verence from his castle, and the whole sequence was a fantastic demonstration of what they are capable of. I now know not to underestimate them at all. They’re wickedly strong and able to coordinate effortlessly. Honestly, I had a hard time visualizing how they got Verence down the sheer drop from his bedroom window, but that’s just because this seemed so impossible. It’s not, though, and if the Nac mac Feegle can pull this off without suspicion, I’m interested to see how else they’ll subvert the Count’s plans.

ALSO: WHERE DID THEY TAKE VERENCE. They live underground???

Granny Weatherwax

I’m not even sure that there’s any evidence of this within the text, but I am still going to wonder: has Granny planned all of this out? It’s possible because… well, this is Esmeralda Weatherwax we’re talking about. She’s always trying to be a step ahead of everyone around her. However, what if this is one case where she’s not? I cannot fathom a plan where she allowed herself to not only get bit by a vampire, but potentially turned. There are signs of that, though, and I’m hypothesizing that the fever raging through her in this section is evidence that her body is changing. (Or at least it’s fighting the transformation.) It makes sense, doesn’t it?

There are a lot of clues and hints here, so that’s probably why I feel so reluctant. I truly did not expect Granny to wake up and start shooting off warnings, y’all. Why was the Phoenix feather reacting as it was? Why did Granny request iron? Like the lemon thing, this was another vampire superstition I’d never heard of. WHY DOES GRANNY INSIST THAT THERE NEED TO BE THREE WITCHES IN THE CASTLE? What’s the terrible thing they’ll have to face if “this goes wrong”? I assumed that Granny was referring to herself, not something the witches would be doing in the palace. It certainly supports the theory that Granny got bit on purpose, though I cannot for the life of me determine how that helps LITERALLY ANYONE.


“Something… will get up… presently,” Granny panted. “Make sure… you know well… what it is…”

Is she talking about herself again, warning him that she may fail and become a vampire? Oh god, that’s why she had him make a huge stake, right???

The Vampyres

This truly feels like the most unpredictable Discworld book I’ve read. While I sensed that Igor would get fed up with his master and rebel, I didn’t expect this. How is it that Magrat is resisting the vampyres, though? She’s not drinking in any of these scenes, and yet, no one seems to be affecting her mind. Granted, it might be because Nanny doesn’t give one of the Uberwald men a chance to get started. Her takedown of the vampyre from Klotz was INSPIRING. She got him to say something so that his mouth would be open, then jammed a lemon in it and banged him over the head. I’ll admit that I don’t think I’ve ever heard of this specific vampire weapon before, but hey, it worked!

As for Igor, though… well, Nanny’s a good fit, right? If we accept that she’s the Crone for this part of the book, then she is exactly the kind of person that Igor is looking for, right? Roles are deeply important in Carpe Jugulum, and this is just another example. (As is Hodgesaargh, who refuses to do anything that is outside the role of “falconer.”) So, Igor wants to be the “perfect” servant, and now Nanny has provided him with the means to do so. It’s a weird alliance, for sure, and I have no idea where they’re all headed. As long as little Esmeralda isn’t in Lancre or any of the surrounding villages or towns, she should be fine, right? That must mean that what Nanny and Magrat keep unsaid is that Granny still might Borrow Esme’s mind. WHICH IS A DISTURBING THOUGHT.

Seriously, y’all, I’m having such a blast reading this book.

Mark Links Stuff

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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