Mark Reads ‘Feet of Clay’: Part 15

In the fifteenth part of Feet of Clay, I KNEW IT. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Discworld. 

I’m so close to the truth. I AM SO CLOSE.

The Means

I am allowed to be pleased with myself for figuring out that candles were used to poison Vetinari, and it’ll last five minutes. That’s all I get, but I’m fine with it. Watching Vimes put it all together was a lot of fun, though I couldn’t help but feel sad about Miss Easy and what she went through. This particular line destroyed me a bit inside:

“And you take your, er, perks home?”

“Yessir. Gran said they gave a lovely light, sir…”

“I expect she sat up with your little brother, did she? Because I expect he got took sick first, so she sat up with him all night long, night after night and, hah, if I know old Mrs. Easy, she did her sewing…”


Simply put, they didn’t deserve to be victims of such cruelty. And it’s cruelty, y’all. Whomever was responsible for this most likely didn’t consider that there would be collateral damage, and they still poisoned those candles anyway. These people were surviving day to day, barely getting by, and they died because of it.

He stopped at the doorway, and turned. “And if you ever want candle-ends, we’ve always got lots at the Watch House. Nobby’ll have to start buying cooking fat like everyone else.”

Vimes. VIMES. When he gets it, he really gets it.

Sergeant Colon

For the most part, I was entertained by the shenanigans and capers of Colon, who more or less is a victim of every bizarre circumstance that is currently unfolding in Ankh-Morpork. But he’s also the character with the least amount of depth at this point in the story, you know? I’d argue that he’s mostly comic relief here, while the other characters are dealing with the more layered stories. At the same time, I kind of want a bunch of adventures where he’s paired up with Wee Mad Arthur. THEY’RE SO RIDICULOUS TOGETHER.

I also plan to name a pet Mr. Dreadful at some point.

No Masters

It is just astounding to me how good Dorfl’s story has become in Feet of Clay. Pratchett had a challenging task ahead of him: conveying the experience of a sentient being realizing that they possessed freedom. Truly possessed freedom, y’all! I feel like he accomplished that prior to this section, but here, he demonstrates the experience in greater detail. Dorfl comprehends his newfound agency by applying it to other beings in his life. His first act? To free all the caged animals in the slaughterhouse. He instinctively recognizes the similarities between what the golems go through and how that relates to the struggle of creatures bred for human consumption. (Hey, I was vegan for over ten years. I understand this logic quite well.) That kind of empathy blows me away. He doesn’t act out of self-interest once he has no master. HE TRIES TO HELP OTHER BEINGS FIRST.

Protect Dorfl at all costs. AT ALL COSTS.

So it was unsurprising that the mob of men were utterly shocked by Dorfl fighting back against their attack. As one of them said, everyone knows golems can’t fight back. And yet, Carrot and the others walk upon the aftermath of Dorfl defending himself. It might be incomprehensible to these men, but I’m going to theorize that Carrot has figured out that Dorfl took Carrot’s advice to heart. Which is good! (I could do without the humorous references to Dorfl shoving vegetables in people’s bottoms, though. That’s not funny to me.)

Carry’s Tallow Works

WHO??? WHO DID ALL OF THIS? Was it a member of a guild or a person independent of them? Obviously, Carry’s is the end of this specific plot thread, especially since we discover that the “string” that was used to tie up Colon is actually candlewick. Clearly, Dragon has something to do with everything, but who else? I just need the last few pieces, y’all!!!

I expected that scene to happen in this section, but the action was derailed by Dorfl’s beautifully rebellious destruction of the seamstress factory. I imagine, though, that Dorfl faces a huge problem he did not consider: it will not be easy to convince the other golems that they have free will. Dorfl had to be ordered to do it, more or less. When it comes to Vimes, though, the transformation is already happening. The scene in the seamstress factory helps him finally come to terms with how unfair the golems are treated as well as the poor workers. And this is an explicit part of the text! It’s not subtext or a subtle theme! He acknowledges the exploitation happening here, so he decides to not only encourage the golems, but he also orders Colon to sign up zombies for the Watch, just to spite Mr. Catterail’s bigotry.


Diane Duane is still offering a massive discount on the first 9 books in the Young Wizards series just to this community, so please take advantage of this deal while you still can:

Mark Links Stuff

I am now on Patreon! There are various levels of support, from $1 up to whatever you want! You’ll get to read a private blog, extra reviews, and other such rewards.
– I will be at numerous conventions in 2016! Check the full list of events on my Tour Dates / Appearances page.
– My Master Schedule is updated for the near and distant future for most projects, so please check it often. My next Double Features for Mark Watches have been announced here.
- Mark Does Stuff is on Facebook! I’ve got a community page up that I’m running. Guaranteed shenanigans!

About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
This entry was posted in Discworld and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.