Mark Reads ‘Feet of Clay’: Part 7

In the seventh part of Feet of Clay, someone confesses, and it only makes everything MORE confusing. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Discworld. 

AHHHHH HOW IS THE PLOT IN THIS BOOK ACCELERATING SO QUICKLY??? I’m not used to this! In the span of just a little over twenty pages, Pratchett reveals a whole lot about what might be going on here. LET US SIFT THROUGH IT.

Holy Days

So, even though I know Dorfl’s confession is bogus, I still suspect that the opening scene here IS meant to be a possible explanation for the golem gatherings at the opening of the book. There’s no way this is a coincidence:

“Seems to me there’s been a lot of holy days lately,” Sock said.



Okay, so there is a faceless cabal or collective that wants Vetinari out of the city. But, in a bizarre twist, they don’t want to kill Vetinari, but rather, they’re using poison to just keep him “merely… unwell.” What the hell, WHY? Well, because they don’t trust him as a dead man, which made me laugh. What I don’t understand is what these people have planned next. They want to incapacitate the Patrician, but is there a next step?

The Patrician

Meanwhile, the Patrician is both the nicest he’s ever been and totally himself at the same time. I was struck by how kind and appreciative he seemed upon waking up and realizing the lengths that Vimes went to protect him. Non-human guards, drafting the gargoyles to become the perfect beings to watch the entrances, using Doughnut Johnson… Vimes genuinely tried to think of every possible variable.

And then, just like that, right after I made a point in the video to mention how nice Lord Vetinari was being, he dismisses Vimes. No hesitation, not a care in the world. Ah, well, Vetinari must be feeling better since he’s back to his old self again.


LET US ALL ACKNOWLEDGE HOW KIND IT WAS OF VIMES TO GIVE THAT CONSTABLE HIS EXPENSIVE BOOTS IN EXCHANGE FOR SOME CHEAP ONES. Yes, he had a personal reason for doing so. He wanted to feel the city again, and as fate has it, it ends up being the most opportune time (or inopportune, depending on how you look at it) for him to do so. While patrolling the city, he comes across the weirdest thing: a golem hiding on the Brass Bridge, trying to blend in with the hippo statues there. I DON’T GET WHY. Did Vimes just coincidentally walk onto the bridge while the golem was heading somewhere? Actually, that’s a pretty good theory. But was this a holy night for all the golems? WHY?

And of course, it’s hard not to compare this golem’s behavior to Dorfl’s, and it makes no sense to me. Why is Dorfl giving themselves up, but this other golem is  determined to run away or harm Vimes?

Let’s just talk about Dorfl, because WHAT THE HELL.


This section’s biggest scene comes when Dorfl arrives at Pseudopolis Yard to turn himself in for the murders of Tubelcek and Hopkinson. Okay, I thought, that’s not out of the realm of possibility. But why would Dorfl turn themselves in so quickly after the murders? Why was Dorfl carrying a broken matchstick?

But there’s a more important question that needs to be answered: Why is Dorfl lying about the murders? Carrot, in a brilliant move, gets Dorfl to confess to murdering Mr. Hopkinson with “an iron bar,” cleverly tricking him into a lie. So, Dorfl is a golem, which means they must obey the words in their head. I’m glad this theme has popped up again, since the power of words is a huge thing in the Discworld books. When Carrot makes reference to those words in Dorfl’s head, Dorfl lunges at Carrot, so clearly, they felt defensive over Carrot figuring out the truth.

Thus, we have a probable explanation for the weird slip of paper in Tubelcek’s mouth: Dorfl found the priest dead and tried to save him in the only way he knew. He tried to put words in Tubelcek’s head, not understanding that only golems work that way. So why did Dorfl want to save Father Tubelcek? How did they know the priest? And who actually killed Tubelcek and Hopkinson???


Diane Duane is still offering a massive discount on the first 9 books in the Young Wizards series just to this community, so please take advantage of this deal while you still can:

Mark Links Stuff

I am now on Patreon! There are various levels of support, from $1 up to whatever you want! You’ll get to read a private blog, extra reviews, and other such rewards.
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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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