In the tenth chapter of the second book of The Fellowship of the Ring, Frodo makes a difficult decision when he is confronted by Boromir. All of this could have been avoided if he’d had a sassy gay friend. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read The Lord of the Rings.
CHAPTER TEN: THE BREAKING OF THE FELLOWSHIP
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
“I fear that the young hobbit is making a terrible, terrible choice to throw away something so powerful.”
SO YOU’RE GOING TO SNEAK UP ON HIM ON THE FOREST LIKE SOME POORLY-TRAINED SPY IN ORDER TO CONVINCE FRODO YOU SHOULD OWN INSTEAD? THAT WON’T LOOK SUSPICIOUS AT ALL.
“But my men in Minas Tirith, we are good men, and we can unite in our cause against the Dark Lor-”
THE ONLY THING YOU’RE GOING TO UNITE AGAINST IS COMMON DECENCY AND AN INVASION AGAINST PERSONAL SPACE. DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO TALK TO A HOBBIT?
“But I don’t want the others to know of my idea. They would become suspicious and think I have poor intentions!”
OH I WONDER WHY THAT WOULD HAPPEN? COULD IT BE BECAUSE YOU ARE SNEAKING UP ON FRODO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOREST?
“You make a fair point, and provide good counsel.”
OF COURSE I DO. HAVE YOU SEEN MY HAIR TODAY?
“So whatever shall I do? I think we are making a grave mistake.”
YOU ARE GOING TO MARCH BACK TO YOUR GROUP, AND YOU’RE GOING TO BRING UP YOUR RESERVATIONS LIKE THE BIG MAN THAT YOU ARE.
“You are most wise, my friend. I am thinking I may have avoided other misfortunes had you been around.”
WHAT, LIKE YOUR HAIRSTYLE?
JUST KIDDING THIS IS THE BEST YOU’VE EVER LOOKED!
“I think I’ll head into the forest alone to think about the horrific choice I must make.”
NO NO NO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
“Oh, but I don’t wish to make this choice! I don’t!”
OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, WHY ARE YOU OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOTHING WHEN THERE ARE ORCS AROUND? DO YOU WANT TO BECOME THE POST-WORKOUT PROTEIN SHAKE FOR ONE OF THOSE BEASTS?
“Well, no, but-”
SO STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF, AND GO BACK TO YOUR FRIENDS AND LET THEM HELP YOU. THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE THERE FOR. THAT, AND HOLDING YOUR HAIR OUT OF YOUR FACE WHEN YOU NEED THAT, TOO.
“But if the orcs arrive, I could just slip on the Ring to avoid capture and-”
SLIP ON THE RING? SLIP ON THE RING? LOOK, I KNOW BEYONCE TOLD YOU TO PUT A RING ON IT, BUT SHE DOESN’T SING THE GOSPEL TRUTH.
OKAY, SHE ACTUALLY DOES, BUT IT’S NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY. LOOK, FRODO, BOROMIR IS ABOUT TO COME BARGING THROUGH THE TREES OVER THERE AND HE IS GOING TO DEMAND YOU GIVE HIM THE RING.
“He wouldn’t do that! He is a man of honor!”
RIGHT, AND I’VE NEVER WANTED TO BE A JUDGE ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL. GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF! YOURE GOING TO MARCH YOURSELF BACK TO YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU ARE GOING TO DISCUSS THIS LIKE THE WEIRDLY-AGED HOBBIT YOU ARE.
“I suppose you’re right. Do you think they’ll help me?”
DO I FIND A WAY TO WORK A RENT SONG INTO EVERY CONVERSATION? OF COURSE THEY WILL!
HE’S A SILLY HOBBIT.
“Oh, Frodo, where have you gone to? I shall run blindly into the forest without care to seek you out!”
UGH NO. WHAT WHAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING
“I must find Frodo! I know him well, and I know he will go on this journey alone to spare us!”
SO YOU’RE JUST GOING TO DISAPPEAR INTO THE WILDERNESS WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE? THIS IS SOME INTO THE WILD NONSENSE. YOU’RE GOING TO DIE OF EATING A POISONOUS BERRY.
“But the others would have tried to stop me!”
RIGHT, BECAUSE THEY ARE SENSIBLE PEOPLE WHO DON’T RUN OFF ON THEIR OWN AFTER PEOPLE MAKING BAD DECISIONS.
“But this is my best friend we are talking about! If I don’t go after him, he will continue to make bad decisions!”
OH. WAIT. ARE YOU HIS SASSY GAY FRIEND???
“Yes! I thought you knew that!”
WELL, ISN’T THIS A PLEASANT TWIST OF EVENTS? I LOVE THAT CLOAK BY THE WAY, VERY SLIMMING.
“Why thank you! And that scarf goes well with your complexion!”
OH STOP IT, YOU SILLY HOBBIT.
HE’S A SILLY HOBBIT.
There is still a lot I want to say about this chapter, which has gone in a direction I don’t think I ever could have predicted. Boromir’s behavior isn’t all that surprising because Tolkien wisely seeded that doubt throughout the book, but it’s the tenor of his actions that scared me. He is desperate to get that Ring at first, and then consumed with guilt over what he’s done. Is this what the Ring does to people? I have a feeling this would never have happened if THE Ring weren’t at the heart of it. The effects it has on people have led to the Fellowship splintering, and I bet that’s an intentional thing.
But this feels like the end of a full book, a complete story. This fascinates me! If Frodo made it to Mordor in the next chapter and the book ended not long after, I would be so immensely satisfied. So much has happened! There’s been tons of character development, some brilliant plot twists, a shocking character death, and the constant complication of the main mission. THIS IS SO AMAZING TO ME. HOW ARE THERE TWO MORE “BOOKS” LEFT?????? On top of this, I feel so upset at the fact that the Company has split up. WHEN IS THAT EVER A GOOD IDEA?
Tomorrow, I’ll make a prediction post for The Two Towers, and then press on with the book on Monday. For the sake of experiencing The Lord of the Rings as its own thing, I will NOT be watching the movies until I’m done. We will do live blogs and reviews on three consecutive Saturdays once I am finished! I think that’s an acceptable way to deal with this, no?
Just…….sweet summer child, I am so unprepared.