In the third part of Mark’s journey through the world of My Immortal, it’s almost like watching his brain break rapidly over time. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to continue reading My Immortal. And experience no joy from it at all.
No, seriously, I am so full of anger right now.
CHAPTER 12
Even the breaking-the-fourth-wall comments aren’t funny anymore. I imagine that reading this fic as it unfolded all those years ago when it was being uploaded gradually had to be one of those rare things that is impossible to describe to other people, one of those You-Had-To-Be-There experiences that only you and the others who participated could understand. Hell, I could imagine how fun it was to read this after the fact in one session. But breaking it up like I do? It really doesn’t work at all. This almost feels like a lesson both in humility and in perception, as I’m coming to terms with just how bizarre my project is. I mean…I’m really glad that so many hundreds of thousands of you have stuck with me for the last two years. (Well, two years in August, which will be the two-year anniversary of starting Mark Reads Twilight.) This is not something that I think anyone would have predicted would be successful, and I imagine for many of you who are fans of the things that I consume, it’s probably a bit agonizing, too! Because I am SO FAR AWAY FROM YOUR MOST FAVORITE THING EVER and that has to be hard to wait. AND I MAKE YOU WAIT AND YOU DO and I love you all dearly for it.
But it has to be a strange experience to explain to people if you’re excited about this blog, and now I’m thinking how it actually must sound like a terrible idea to read My Immortal in pieces. And that is an idea I am rapidly starting to agree with.
Chapter 12 is just…..it’s like reading the unfiltered thoughts of pure puberty. That’s the only way I know how to describe this. It’s a mess of emotions and sexual confusion and really awful, immature ideas about nearly everything in the whole world, from suicide to pedophilia to goths and preps and WHO IS HAIRGRID.
My god, this is so terrible. Terrible is not even a good word. Worthless? Absurd? Hell, it does seem like an exercise in absurdity, doesn’t it? That is not a compliment, by the way.
Of all of the ridiculous shit here, I am just at a loss for how bad all the continuity errors are. The author has made no attempt whatsoever to keep her facts straight at all. I don’t know who Diabolo is or who they are supposed to be; I cannot keep track of Harry/Vampire’s scar and what it is supposed to be, nor what it does, and I don’t get the rose/flames; I don’t understand how Dumbledore is even in the room at; I don’t understand HIGH-HEELED BOOTS WITH BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG’S FACE ON THEM; I don’t understand Ebony being furious with Harry/Vampire and then having sex with him and then blaming Harry for that? And then there is more scar talk?
Only one thing makes sense here:
He [Vampire Harry] was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.
because AMIRITE THAT WOULD TOTALLY HAPPEN. also let us hope it’s Cedric for extra irony.
CHAPTER 13
Only thing worth mentioning: In this chapter, Dumbledore despises Draco, as he always should have done. Bless My Immortal forever.
CHAPTER 14
WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCARY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD
Real or not, this is easily one of the funniest things I have ever read. We are advising you to shit your pants, please. Oh my god, maybe this is all not that awful.
- We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. [What????]
- Draco was there crying tears of blood. [But….he is dead?]
- “in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile okâ€
- We could hear his high heels clacking to us. [WHY IS VOLDY WEARING HIGH HEELS]
- He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.
- “It’s so unfair!†I yielded. [I DO NOT THINK THAT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.]
- “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything.â€
- “I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking [NOT TYPING THAT AWFUL WORD THAT I HATE].
Yeah, I take it back. This is unbelievably awful.
CHAPTER 15
OK SERIOUSLY I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS:
- Can a vampire drink their own blood? I thought that was impossible. Wait, why am I trying to ascribe logic to any of this.
- Okay, apparently advanced Biology is very deeply important to Ebony because she makes sure to go to class and then she plays guitar in class and then the guitar turns into Draco? What the hell kind of transfiguration is happening here? IS THIS MCGONAGALL’S FAULT
- Do the preps ever actually say anything to Ebony or does she always resort to immediately flipping them off?
- How is Lupin alive? Wasn’t he shot like a million times by Ebony? Same with Snape?
- WHY IS MCR HOLDING A CONCERT IN HOGSMEADE. Is this some must-have market in the music industry now? Literally, there have to be like ten people who like MCR in Hogwarts that makes no sense.
- When is this going to end 🙁
CHAPTER 16
Wait a second, now the author hates Raven? What happened? OMG OUTSIDE DRAMA MAYBE THIS ALL MIGHT ACTUALLY BECOME INTERESTING
But no. Instead, I have to read this:
Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother.
Seriously, will never forgive any of you. Ever.
I don’t know if the author tried to do that thing where you show a future event, and then go back in time to give the details of how that thing happened (one of my favorite storytelling devices, actually!), or if she just fucked up her own continuity, but….actually, there’s no way she had enough foresight to do that. What the fuck is this. First, Ebony and Draco go to this MCR concert and then Ebony is telling Draco she won’t go to the concert? BUT YOU JUST FUCKING DID. WHAT THE HELL.
Oh my god and then. AS;KLDFJSAJF A;KDF A;DFKAJA
I don’t understand. I have lost the ability to excel at reading comprehension. Even–even–if this is a fic created solely out of the desire to troll all of us, I honestly cannot wrap my head around how some of these sentences were created. For example, Ebony is upset because she is worried she will have sex with Draco because they’re at an MCR concert. Ok, that is an example in and of itself, but follow me.
“We won’t do that again,†Draco promised. “This time, we’re going with an ESCORT.â€
“OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?†I asked.
ON WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE DOES THIS MAKE EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF SENSE. This is not even good trolling! It’s just pure nonsense.
B’loody Mary was standing there. “Hajimemashite gurl,†she said happily (she spex Japanese so do I. dat menz “how do u do†in japanese). “BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and ske skepped math.†(an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)
How:
- can this author spell Japanese but not the world “classesâ€
- can this author think that means “how do u doâ€
- can a person fail all of her classes in a few days
- can a person be expelled for failing classes and oh, by the way, they skipped math
- can this author think it is ok to break the fourth wall in her own story to yell at her friend.
- am I still reading this
- why
We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas.
No.
So, fun story! I used to work at Hot Topic! That was the company that ruined me, flat out. Oh, Readers, I was once full of pure hope, believing that everything was wonderful and that I would be successful and perfect and everything was awesome. I got the job my sophomore year of college and was there until the end of my junior year when I was framed for stealing because I whined about being forced to work overtime without being paid. I wish I could provide you with a context for that so that it could make some sense to you, but many years later, it doesn’t make any more sense to me, either.
So I sort of hate that place, but I promise not to let that completely ruin this. Even though the author tries to say that this is just some random “goffik†store, it’s Hot Topic. My god, you all, the people who fucking come to that store and decide that it’s a cool club or something? Like, it’s totally cool to just be in a store touching everything for six straight hours and you’re definitely not annoying the people working there because they have to keep straightening up all the shit you are ruining and THE PEOPLE IN THIS FIC ARE THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE. As if I needed yet another thing to make me hate all of this, it’s taken me sixteen chapters to realize exactly what sort of people this represents.
Troll or not, I hate this.
“Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.†He shook his head. “I dint even no they had a camera.â€
More importantly, how can a camera pouch be gothic. what is this. Oh, it’s a store where Tom Riddle works (how can Tom Riddle and Voldemort be existing at the same fucking time) and the employees just give away clothes to hot girls.
why is this
CHAPTER 17
who the fuck is Diabolo
And why do two characters have a past where they were kidnapped at birth and their real family were vampires? Statistically, that is hard to accept.
It is not, however, hard for me to accept the brilliance of these two quotes:
“It was…Vlodmort and da Death Deelers!â€
He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…Dumblydore!
I will never understand anyone who thinks Avril Lavigne deserves to be listened to.
CHAPTER 18
No.
CHAPTER 19
NO. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.
CHAPTER 20
oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 days so dnot expect updatz
you are not even fucking trying that is a dirty fucking lie
I just don’t get how one person can own so many outfits. There is no mention of money whatsoever in My Immortal and seriously, Ebony changes her clothes about four times a day and they never, ever seem the same.
It was Loopin! “R u gonna cum rape me or what.†I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore ahd told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.
And this is where I unceremoniously tell you all that I am stopping. I’m done. I cannot do this. I am defeated. I imagine I will not feel a second of shame for promising to read My Immortal after so many of you helped me raise money for my AIDS/LifeCycle and then giving up. This is just too much. I don’t care how unintentionally awful this is or purposely trolly it’s become, I draw the line at ridiculous comments about rape.
And you know, I really don’t even think I’ll be sad that I don’t know what happens because nothing fucking happens in this.
I’m going back to The Golden Compass tomorrow to wash my mouth of this awful taste left behind.
Maybe Vlody was wearing heels because he's bisezual?
â– “I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking [NOT TYPING THAT AWFUL WORD THAT I HATE].
Okay, I totally thought that was the author who write the bit in the brackets, like how she did with c-r-o-s-s.
Pretty sure she says that Diabolo is Ron at some point. But I don't blame you if you didn't notice. I just check out briefly when I try to read it.
I'll be perfectly honest when I say, as soon as I found out you were taking on My Immortal, my first reaction was to tect my friend and say, "Oh god, Mark is reading/reviewing My Immortal. He will be so angry." I made it to Chapter 25 as a joke…my friend and I wasted a few hours one night with dramatic readings from this thing. I couldn't continue because it made me SO ANGRY.
Mostly, it's how flippantly this person handles VERY REAL concepts, whether trollific or not. This fic, IN THE FIRST HALF, touches on pedophilia, suicide, depression, self-harm, murder, rape, underage sex, sexuality, drugs, minors under the influence, etc. While all of those those topics don't anger me right off the bat, the WAY they were touched on made me want to find the person who created this and smack some ever-living sense into them.
I have someone in my life who is the ABSOLUTE most important in my family to me and she dealt with cutting for a long time. It absolutely broke my heart. And for this author to just act like it is some nonchalant topic just…I can't even…there are no words. I can't even begin to describe how entirely offensive this is, all of it. Everything she writes about is so completely offensive. There is absolutely no context in which it is okay to use derogatory terms for homosexuality, or to flippantly 'discuss' rape….just NONE of this is okay. There is no justification for any of it.
This is pretty much where I stopped, too. I don't blame you for stopping one bit..and I honestly can't believe that anyone who has read your reviews or the topics you have touched on would think it would be a good idea for you to read this abomination.
In other news, I am really excited for you to start back on Golden Compass. I'm reading along with you and I REALLY WANT TO READ THE NEXT CHAPTER D: Looking forward to your next review, Mark <3
Okay, I finished “My Immortal”. Now my brain has melted and thinks ridiculous thoughts. So, for the sake of everybody who couldn’t make it so far, I intend to sum up the fragments of the time travel plot my melting brain could spot (skipping all the fucking nonsense, hysterical yelling and boring descriptions of gothic clothing and make-up).
SPOILER ALERT! A reply to this comment will contain masive spoilers. If you still intend to read “My Immortal” unspoiled (as far as it’s possible at this point) DO NOT OPEN THE REPLIES.
This comment will be followed (immediately, I hope) by another post that is essentially a placeholder. If you have non-spoilery comments, please don’t reply here, reply to my next post, so everybody can read your reply and still stay unspoiled.
Synopsis of “My Immortal”, chapters 21 to 44:
Ebony learns from Prof. Sinistra and/or Prof . Trelawney (sorry, I’m not sure if these are meant to be one person) that she has to travel back in time to seduce Voldemort. So he will have known love and will never become the Dark Lord.
The Professor(s) give Ebony a “time tuner” and the advice to use this to come back, then Ebony dives into a pensieve to travel back through time. (WHAT?)
Ebony arrives in the eighties and meets a totally gothic Tom “Satan” Bombadil who is a student at Hogwarts and may or may not become Voldymort. (Don’t blame me. Obvously Ebony’s Voldymort is much younger than canon Voldemort.)
“Satan” tries to acquaintence Ebony to some of his friends, but the earth opens up and Ebony is dragged into a hole and back to the future. The professor(s) had warned Ebony that she would need several sessions. (But why did they give her this “time tuner” that is never used?)
On her second trip to the eighties, through the pensieve again, “Satan” tells Ebony that a gothic band will come to Hogsmeade. (Sorry, I don’t remember the band’s name, and nothing can make me read this again). “Satan” invites ebony to watch a gothic movie (sorry, I don’t remeber the title) at Hogmead’s cinema and then go to the concert. Ebony also meets the gothic Marauders: James, Sirius, Lucius (WHAT?) and Snape (WHAT!?).
Ebony can not believe that Snape once was gothic. She also notices that Lucius still has both arms. (Although this was never mentioned we may conclude that Lucius lost one arm in the battle of the DOM or some other fight and has only one arm during Ebony’s present seventh year at Hogwarts.)
Ebony also learns that the Marauders are a gothic band, but (un)fortunately lost their lead singer, who commited suicide. Since Ebony has such a wunderfull singing voice and some experience with her own band, she becomes the Marauders new lead singer. She also learns that they will be the back up band at the concert at Hogsmeade. But then they all get into trouble because younger Dumbledore doesn’t like goths.
Marty McFly appears out of thin air to lent Ebony a time machine, but not his cool car. So Ebony escapes back to the future in a black box. (This seems to remind me of something, but since my melted brain has serious memory leaks, we better skip this unwanted crossover to whoever may travel through time in a kind of box.)
— To be continued —
After getting some special clothes for these special events, Ebony dives through the pensieve again to go to the movie with “Satan” and to sing with the Marauders at the concert. But when Lucius ruins the performance making some musical mistake, James and Lucius start to quarrel. “Satan”, who had already refered to Lucius as “Draco’s father” and to James as “Harry’s father” at several occasions, is worried that Harry and Draco now will never become friends. (How did Ebony never notice that he knows so much about events in his future?)
James shoots at Lucius (with a gun, not a misspelled shout), Ebony throws herself heroicaly between Lucius and the bullet, and everything goes black. This is the point where the story was hijacked, so I recommend to read Chapter 39 (labeled Chapter 40 in the repost where the reposter’s disclaimer is “Chapter 1”), where Ebony ends up in Hell, being forced to wear totally non-gothic clothes for the eternal afterlife.
Since vampires can not be killed by bullets, Ebony mysteriously falls back to the future and notices that Lucius now has two arms, so she actually changed history. Also, Voldymort seems to be less scary when he returns to yell more threads because Ebony still didn’t kill Harry. When she watches Snape fucking Draco, Ebony tries to kill herself, using a “steak”, but this doesn’t work and she finds herself mysteriously back in the eighties hospital wing, where everybody believes she is there because vampires can not be killed by bullets. (Perhaps Ebony should have tried to use a stake. Or this last chapter may just have been a nigthmare, but then why does Draco later tell Ebony that he didn’t consent and was raped by Snape?)
Ebony meets Hedwig, “Satan’s” ex-boyfriend and the Marauder’s former lead singer (but didn’t she kill himself?). Ebony realizes that, if she rejoins “Satan” and Hedwig, she doesn’t have to betray Draco by fucking with “Satan” to accomplish her task. Using the wunderfull gothic music on an iPod she just happened to find in her pocket, Ebony makes Hedwig, “Satan” and the Marauders have an orgy. But they get into trouble again, because younger Dumbledore doesn’t understand that an orgy in the Great Hall is totally necessary to save the world. The iPod mysteriously transforms into the time machine box. Ebony escapes back to the future again and takes “Satan” with her.
There is some more yelling, and raped Draco, and Snape trying to kill everybody in the Dark Lord’s name. In the end, “Satan” transforms into Voldymort (so there are two of them now?) and reveals that he had known Ebony’s plan all along (heavily foreshadowed by “Satan” knowing who would be whose father, but I’m not sure if this was intentional).
Since nobody else seems to be able to do anything about this, Ebony casts an AK, although she would really prefer to cut her wrists and do all the other immature nonsense she did throughout this story. (I’m not sure at whom this AK is aimed, and we will never know if it worked anyway, because the story ends here, or just doesn’t continue.)
(I’m not sure at whom this AK is aimed, and we will never know if it worked anyway, because the story ends here, or just doesn’t continue.)
Isn't it obvious? The AK was aimed at the story itself!
That’s all, folks, and it is actually much more “plot” than I remember from the first part.
Thank you, Mark, for doing these reviews. I wouldn’t have known what to do with this first twenty chapters.
Unfortunately I had to sleep over this. So I may have ruined my rating by posting two comments getting no upvotes and no replies. But I don’t care. HURRAY, there will be more Lyra and panserbjørne today. I’m happy.
I upvoted you and replying now!
You deserve a medal for that. 😀
I asked my friend why she was never going to read The Host by Stephenie Meyer. She said there are lots of better things out there to read first. I completely concur 🙂
Oh, thank goodness. I didn't even read this review because I just… didn't care. Then you said in your Golden Compass review that you'd quit, and I was like, oh did I miss something?!
Thank you so much for quitting. What a waste of a blog to read this drivel. I for one, donated to your AIDS/Lifecycle thing, but I would have donated even more to have PREVENTED you from blogging about this.
SMILES FOREVER.
As a Harry Potter fan, and a person who is reluctant to admit to their hilarious level of gothyness (purely because people like 'Enoby' actually exist and ruin cool spooky shit for everyone), this fic makes me want to cry.
Just normal tears though, not limpid ones.
I don't think this is so much a you had to be there thing as it is something you enjoy if you like bad quality stuff. Kind of like how some people watch bad movies because it makes them laugh only this is written. I wasn't there for it and I think its hysterical.
Mark, you get points for trying and getting as far as you did. I honestly don't blame you for quitting. I could barely get beyond chapter 10. But you have much better things to read than this tripe.
Onwards!
23,670 words according to gedit. (No, not "geddit." It's a text editor. "g" for "GNOME" + "edit.")
For other readers, who would still like to continue a My Immortal reading with commentary, I suggest this fanfic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5914303/1/Marauders_R…
James Potter and some other HP characters of that generation find and read My Immortal. It's hilarious.
Don't worry about it, Mark. I didn't get past chapter 4 because I could feel my IQ dropping.
I now have hiccups.
You've also reminded me to look up these animated gems from youtube:
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Good effort in trying to plough through these, good sir. I think I just gave up at some point…. and these hiccups are making my dinner churn in my chest. TMI train, destination: Here
STOP READING THIS IMMEDIATELY. It is NOT WORTH IT. The entertainment of your readers is NOT WORTH YOUR AGONY. I beg you to cease. This story will hurt you more the more you read it, until it has left a dull ache behind in the place your heart once was. Take heart though: this is considered the worst fanfiction story of all time for a reason. Every other single piece of fanfiction, no matter how crappy (and boy, they can be awful), is better than this one. Cheers, I'm a big fan.
How dr u! Tom Ridle s an innocent shopkeeper, not Voldemort!
Moving on,
That guy in chapter 14 who killed Cedric was Wormtail. Diabolo is Ron. Also, at some later point Voldemort and his Death Deelers were disguised as MCR or Good Charlotte, so you were kind of right about him being responsible for a concert in Hogsmeade in your first review. The latter I know from TV Tropes. I got as far as listening to ten chapters of a dramatic reading, I think.
Thank you! It was agonizing to read the “story” the first time. Reading about someone else reading it the second time was like watching a graphic train wreck and not being able to look away. I’m so glad that you’re going back to the Golden Compass!
There are some amazing webcomics based on My Immortal, though. >.< Nothing like taking bizarre shiznit literally. >.<
Mark, don't ever put yourself through this sort of thing again. It was hilarious, but I wouldn't even have been able to read the first chapter judging from the excerpts you've show. Just don't torture yourself. On a side note, I go to Hot Topic because they have video game t shirts, nothing else they do really interests me. So while I shop there, I'm not one of those idiots.
I know. I think the only reason that I actually read the WHOLE FREAKING THING is because I have superpowers (and I have to beta my friend's stuff, and believe me, they are WORSE than My Immortal, if that is even possible) and I feel TERRIBLY sorry for you.
But you ROCK MARK!
*group monotone* Hi, bradycardia.
You made if further than I did when i gave it a go to read 'My Immortal' so congratulations! I know it's terrible and I definitely don't blame you for stopping. Although, I highly suggest checking out this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UA_VSQqn32M&fe…
It's a dramatic reading of chapter 17 and fucking hilarious–it'll make you feel at least a tiny bit better I promise. Dramatic readings of terrible fanfic are my favorite.
Thirty H's is better.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2554200/1/HHHHHHHHHHH…
There's a chapter later in the story where someone hacks in. It's hilarious and the only beacon of light in this pit of despair. Good job for getting this far though.
Aw, that's kind of sad. I would've loved to see your reaction to the fact that the plot pretty much just recycles itself from here and through the rest of it. Personally, I'm a huge fan of this story. Very few things ever made me laugh so hard, especially because I've been a girl like Ebony/Enoby. I think I must've read this about ten times. There's a drinking game to it too, somewhere on TvTropes. You should try it if you ever feel like losing your liver. (Made it to chapter 15 on energy drinks – didn't sleep for over 48 hours)
Personally, I think it's a troll. If you'd read it to the end (at least the original version; I think there was a more correct one put up at some point?), you'll notice that the spelling gets worse and worse. That and it seriously had over 10.000 reviews when it was originally posted on fanfiction.net, almost all of them telling the author how horrible it was. Not listening to that and just keeping at it? That's a sure sign of troll for me, man.
Anyway! 20 chapters? That's pretty brave. I don't think anyone blames you for quitting now.
If it helps Diablo in my version was supposed 2 be Ron….
WHOA I MISSED A LOT SINCE 'THE BOOK THIEF.' 😮
Yeah, I gave up after that AIDs insult, but I know what happens from people who stuck it out and read the whole thing. And there was a hacked chapter? I think. Supposedly, it's really freakin' awesome. Like, Ebony wears Hollister clothes and becomes a 'prep.' Since I guess it's said somewhere before the hacked chapter that wearing name brand clothes is preppy.
I happen to like Hollister shirts, Ebony. Thanks. B)
Maybe you've already seen Ebony Darkness bla bla bla also makes an appearance on Magic Is Might.
It's in the comments
http://magicismight.co.uk/1998/03/ministry-reject…
I vaguely remember coming across My Immortal back when it was still updating on Fanfiction.net. I didn't read it, but when it was recommended to you originally, I read it. Six times. And it was glorious. I think I stopped breathing from laughing so much. Tara is truly the world's greatest troll, there's no way she can't be a troll. I think I beat everyone in saying I've read MI six times, and I am not lying about that. If I ever need lulz, or cheering up, I go read MI because it's, in my opinion, so mind-bendingly horrible that it's the most amazing story I've ever read on the interwebz and it still makes me laugh. Of course, I read it all in one sitting the first time, and temporarily lost the ability to spell and type correctly for about two hours. Siriusly. I do wish you'd finish, but I seem to be the only one of that opinion. Sigh.
I'm just reading this now, as I wanted to come here and see if you'd posted any thoughts on Deathly Hallows pt 2. (I've been re-reading the Potter series, concurrently with MRHP, and I'm only up to book 5. It's going very slowly because I'm reading the entire series out loud to my friend, voices and all, and we usually only do one chapter at a time.) I hadn't heard of Immortal Beloved until I randomly read about it on "know your meme" earlier today, and then happened to find this a few hours later… wacky! Anyway, if it hasn't been posted yet, I thought you might like this hilarious pic:
<img src="http://cdn3.knowyourmeme.com/i/000/117/867/original/emo_harry_potter_12806_quotMy_Immortalquot_Gothic_Harry_Potter_Fanfic-s500x426-92925-580.jpg?1303944550">
you didn't get to the part where Snake and Loopin were doing and Dobby was watching
"Nightmare Revisited" only had one Marilyn Manson cover on it- This Is Halloween. The other stuff was by Korn, Rise Against, Flyleaf, blah blah blah. I only liked three songs, the rest made me want to weep slightly…
Aww, you have to at least read chapter 29! That's my favorite part! Her account was hacked and someone wrote a fake chapter! LOL.
So I read the whole fucking fanfic of My Immortal in one sitting (I was high, I think).
I passed out after I read the last sentence, and I woke up here in a pool of blood.
Where am I? What just happened? What day is it?
It's gonna hurt to hear this, but this isn't the worst fanfic ever written. The worst fanfic ever is a four-installment series written by an author named Neil called Hogwarts Exposed. Here's a small sampling of what they contain:
** Two of-age characters having a very long, extended, extremely detailed sex scene—and the female of the relationship is permanently stuck looking like a ten-year-old girl. Neil lovingly details every inch of her underage body, and it sounds like a horrible, horrible depiction of a man molesting a little girl.
** Two of-age characters having a very long, extended, extremely detailed sex scene—and the female of the relationship is permanently stuck looking like a ten-year-old girl. Neil lovingly details every inch of her underage body, and it sounds like a horrible, horrible depiction of a man molesting a little girl.
** Constant discussion of the bathroom habits of
** An eleven-year-old and a fourteen-year-old girls talking about masturbation, how much they want sex, and finally proceeding to perform oral sex on one another.
** A depiction of a back alley abortionist attempting to rape his unconscious client.
** In-depth descriptions of an adult male attempting to rape an eleven-year-old girl.
** In-depth discussion of how women should try their best to keep themselves looking good for their men during pregnancy, because OBVIOUSLY that's the number-one concern.
** WEASLEY BASHING. And a fucking LOT of it.
** Hermione trying to talk Harry into taking Luna as a mistress or even a second wife because Luna wants a child but doesn’t want it to be adoption or artificial insemination because she wants the baby made with love, you see.
** Having a sex education class that involves everyone polyjuicing into a body of the opposite sex so they can grope and fondle themselves.
** And in relation to that exact same point just now? One of the characters switches the generic female volunteer hairs with hairs from one of her classmates. That means every boy in Hogwarts is now essentially getting to molest someone they go to class with just by taking a polyjuice potion.
** The worst description and depiction of rape yet—because it happens to that girl who is trapped in the body of a ten-year-old.
This is the worst series of fics in the entire history of fanfiction. I am not even joking. I’ve read a lot of sick fanfic in my time, but I can honestly say that nothing—NOTHING—is as bad as this. I even rank this worse than "ChibiUsa’s Seventh Birthday" or "Agony in Pink". Absolutely NOTHING you could possibly show me would make me believe that this does not deserve the Worst Fanfic Ever award, because not only does it have all of that pedophilia, rape, torture, misogyny, victim-blaming, and nudity—all of it trying to masquerade as anything but the most twisted and perverted sexual fantasies of a basement-dwelling pervert—but it also has poor writing, bad characterization, extensive canon-rape, zero plot development, and HORRIBLE themes! But the ultimate nail in the coffin? The ultimate thing that makes this the Worst Fanfic Ever?
LENGTH. You wanna know how many words and pages are devoted to these sick fantasies of child molestation and subjugation of women?
PAGES
Hogwarts Exposed: 424
Hogwarts Too Exposed: 516
Hogwarts Over Exposed: 572
Hogwarts Under Exposed: 363
WORDS
Hogwarts Exposed: 174,835
Hogwarts Too Exposed: 192,555
Hogwarts Over Exposed: 211,401
Hogwarts Under Exposed: 131,953
Total all that up? Four fics, one incomplete, 1,875 pages, 710,744 words.
That’s worth repeating.
1,875 PAGES AND 710,744 WORDS ALL DEVOTED TO THE FOUR FIC-LONG "HOGWARTS EXPOSED" SERIES.
I’ll put that in perspective for you. Here is another series and its page and word counts.
Twilight
Number of Stories: 6
Pages: 2,200
Words: 723,910
Twilight has MORE STORIES in its series than "Hogwarts Exposed" does. Twilight barely edged it out, and that’s only because it had Midnight Sun to beef it up. Without that unreleased novel, there would be more of "Hogwarts Exposed" than there is of Twilight, a series well-known for being long-winded and full of a ton of unnecessary detail and a lot of padding.
Sorry for tl;dr/spam post, but I just explode every time someone calls My Immortal the worst of the worst. It's mind-numbingly bad, but…can't even come CLOSE to the horror that is HE.
Oh, and I C&P'd most of that information from http://das-sporking.livejournal.com/124849.html because I'm too tired to write my own manifesto. Probably should have put that first. I'm going to bed now.
LMFAO.
This was almost as fun to read as the fic itself^^
Yes, that means I read the whole thing. Yes, I laughed from the first chapter to the last. I read a lot of bad fanfiction (started, anyway; I stopped hoping it will get better at some point a looong time ago…), but this one is so beyond good and evil… I can't even explain why I find it so funny. It just… is^^
What has Avril Lavigne done? -.-'
Anyway, I found this http://ohinternet.com/My_Immortal/TheBatMan%27s_c…
According to that, it was/is a troll fic… And I really hopes that's true, because otherwise humanity is really fucked. Don't know if you care, though.
I understand why you didn't want to go any further into it, it's funny the first couple of chapters, then it just starts being sad and brain-cell-destroying…
Out of sheer curiosity, I decided to read your reviews of "My Immortal" because I've never bothered to actually find it on the 'net.
Thank goodness.
I have been warned. You have saved me. I am now prepared. If anyone says I should read it I will simply flee in terror instead.
I think Diabolo is supposed to be Ron. And I think that you're very brave for even getting this far. It was easier for me to read it because I read it in one sitting, so I got it over with pretty fast. Whereas you… you prolonged your torture. Still. It would have been pretty interesting if you'd read the chapter where someone hacked Tara/ Ebony's FF account and posted her own version of the chapter.