Mark Reads ‘John Dies At The End’: Chapter 2

In the second chapter of John Dies at the End, WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING??? If you’re intrigued, then it’s time for Mark to read John Dies at the End.

Chapter Two: The Thing in John’s Apartment

I AM SO DONE WITH THIS BOOK, AND IT’S BEEN TWO CHAPTERS, AND WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I JUST READ.

  • This is seriously an experiment in absurdity and bewilderment, and I gotta say, this is effective as hell. I don’t think I have ever read anything for Mark Reads that is so consistently shocking and confusing right from the start. Yes, I’m confused, but it’s clear now that there is something behind all of this. What that thing is – and how it relates to a living drug called soy sauce – remains to be seen.
  • I was once an alcoholic myself, and I’ve been friends with quite a few drug addicts over the years. I have a very personal relationship with addiction in its many forms, so I have to say that it was utterly chilling to read John’s freakout to David over the phone and in person. Even though the text insinuates that John was experiencing everything he described to David, David doesn’t know this at first. John’s behavior hits terrifying close to home for me because I’ve seen friends of mine act similar to this while high, and I honestly think that’s what makes this so powerful and surreal. It absolutely feels real. Given John’s history with addiction and drug use, David assumes this is yet another episode.
  • Which presents a fascinating scenario that Wong addresses through the idea of a nervous breakdown. (I don’t know how else to refer to the author because the author is the main character, so… what.) At first, he thinks that this might be an issue of John having a break with his own sanity, but as he starts to experience all this fucked-up weirdness himself, he has to wonder: Is he losing his sanity, too? It’s interesting that because he assumes this is part of some sort of mental illness, it shows how much we rely on definitions of sanity representing our perception of reality. On that note, plenty of us with mental illness know we have them, and it’s totally detectable. I am very aware of my own issues, and can recognize them when they’re happening, too.
  • Anyway, I didn’t personally assume that John was lying about something being in his apartment. There’s been too much weird shit already. Clearly, there was a thing there, and David even sensed its presence.
  • Then John makes that comment about the dog “finding” David. What? What?
  • “I think you’ll be getting calls from me for the next eight or nine years. All from tonight. I couldn’t help it, couldn’t get oriented. Kept slipping out of time… you’ve got a voice mail message three years from now that’s freaking hilarious.” !!!!1 kaj a’asd fjaks;df a;sdfljksad fWHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BOOK.
  • AND THEN IT’S THE SCENE IN DENNY’S. HOLY FUCK, IT’S ONE OF THE CREEPIEST THINGS I’VE EVER READ FOR THIS SITE. First of all, of course that guy’s name is Robert Marley. I should have realized that once David told Arnie that he chose a common name no one could fine. I bet “Robert” did the same thing.
  • (An unrelated side note that I can’t fit into another theme/incoherent thought: This book’s narrator is like, tragically straight, and it’s weird because I can’t even attempt at queering the narrative, and that’s weird to me. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but there are a ton of references to David’s attraction to women littered about the text. Just wanted to point that out.)
  • Okay, so then John launches into his attempt to try to explain soy sauce, at least to point out that it is fucked up, and it messes with your perception of things. Okay, I’m with you.
  • And then David answers the phone.
  • “The voice was John’s.”
  • but
  • “No question about it. The man who was sitting across from me, smoking quietly without a phone anywhere near his head, had called me.”
  • oh
  • oh my god
  • OH MY GOD
  • HE WASN’T LYING
  • HIS PHONE CALLS TRAVEL THROUGH TIME?
  • WHAT THE FUCK, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE.
  • OH MY GOD, THE PERSON AT THE DOOR IS DAVID.
  • MY POOR BRAIN. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
  • And then there’s Molly!!!!!
  • Whose name is also slang for a specific drug, so there’s that, too.
  • WHY DOES MOLLY NEED DAVID TO FOLLOW HER? WHY WON’T SHE GO INTO HER OWNER’S HOUSE?
  • WHAT IS GOING ON? WHERE IS BIG JIM? WHAT DOES MOLLY BITING ROBERT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
  • WHY DID YOU GO TO WORK AND NOT THE HOSPITAL? To be fair, David acknowledges what a bad decision this was, and I like that he’s so honest as a narrator. He knows his choices are terrible, and he admits that.
  • Like calling a priest. That seems like a patently terrible idea. Seriously, an exorcism? Are you asking to turn your life into a horror film?
  • And then David accidentally stabs himself with the syringe in his pocket.
  • And the soy sauce is alive.
  • It has spines.
  • It’s alive.
  • WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING???
  • WHY ARE THERE COPS AT THE STORE?
  • I am so lost, oh my god. I have no clue what I’ve stumbled into.

Mark Links Stuff

– I have redesigned MarkDoesStuff.com! Check out this post explaining the new changes, which includes the start of a permanent archive of all Mark Watches videos!
The Mark Does Stuff Summer Tour is happening soon! Check out the posted dates, suggest new ones, help bring me to YOUR TOWN.
– I have been nominated for a Hugo in the Fan Writer category! If you’d like more information or to direct friends/family to vote for me, I have a very informational post about what I do that you can pass along and link folks to!
– Mark Reads Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is now published and available for purchase! It’s available in ebook AND physical book format, and you can also get a discount for buying the ENTIRE SET of digital books: $25 for 7 BOOKS!!!
– Video commissions are open, and you can commission a Mark Reads/Watches video for just $25!

About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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