Mark Predicts ‘Lioness Rampant’

OH MY GOD, I can’t believe it. I’m nearing the end of Song of the Lioness. I mean, I do have a quarter million more of Tamora Pierce’s books to cover, but it’s still bittersweet that my journey with Alanna is coming to an end. Well, let’s go over my past predictions, and then I’ll make a fool of myself again!

My predictions for The Woman Who Rides Like a Man:

  • Alanna will fight a dragon. COME ON, WHY NOT? There’s a talking cat, so why can’t there be dragons in this fictional world? DAMN IT. Well, I tried. 0/1
  • We will meet a new tribe/race/society of people we’ve not seen before. I’m not going to count this one, despite that we met multiple Bazhir tribes. What I meant by this was a group other than the Bazhir. Wait, do the hillsmen count? Okay, I’ll give myself a half point out of pity. 0.5/2
  • Coram will die at some point during the journey. Look, I’m just trying to protect myself in advance. There is nothing wrong with this. Thankfully, everything was wrong with this. PHEW. 0.5/3
  • Alanna will get separated from her horse for at least one chapter. What. 0.5/4
  • She will fight someone by chapter three. Hahaha, TRY CHAPTER ONE. 0.5/5
  • Her adventure will involve saving a man! OMG subvert that damsel in distress trope. DO IT. Not only that, but saving another woman. Hell yes! 1.5/6
  • She won’t see anyone aside from Coram or Faithful who was in the first two books in this third book. Bah. But this is good! Seeing George, his mother, Jonathan, and Myles was ALL AWESOME. 1.5/7
  • The “adventure” she seeks out will take up the whole of the third book. VICTORY. 2.5/8
  • She’ll make a new friend! SHE MADE MANY NEW FRIENDS. 3.5/9
  • She will meet one of George’s thieves. OH SHIT, I WAS RIGHT. 4.5/10
  • Butts? Oh well. A boy can hope! 4.5/11
  • The last book gave me VIRTUALLY NOTHING TO GO ON, so I’m really grasping for straws here. Hey, I was right! 5/12
  • Alanna will have another conversation with the Mother. Okay, Mark, put your computer away. 5/13
  • At the end of the book, she will go back to Court. WELP. No, she went to Corus for a brief spell, but that’s it. 5/14.

Well, that was just abysmal. WILL I FARE BETTER FOR THE LAST BOOK OF THE QUARTET?

  • Okay, at some point, Alanna WILL return to COURT. Not just Corus, but to Court.
  • We will get 100% confirmation that Thom raised Roger from the dead.
  • Roger will die.
  • Thom will die.
  • Alanna will reconcile with Jonathan.
  • BUT ALANNA WILL END UP WITH GEORGE COOPER INSTEAD. A man can hope, CAN’T I JUST HAVE SOME HOPE?
  • The King will die at some point, too, and Jonathan will take the throne.
  • Butts?
  • Wasps?
  • Dragons?
  • Alanna will seek out adventure with Coram in the beginning of the book, but it will lead her back to Corus.
  • One of the original friends she had when she was training to be a knight will also die.
  • Alanna will inherit her old home.
  • This book will end with a take on the Happily Ever After trope.

Wow, I know for a fact I’m unprepared for this book. It’s kind of exciting! Plus, it’ll be neat to see how the following series work within the Tortall universe.

See y’all on Wednesday!

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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