Mark Reads ‘The Sandman’: 9×09 – Part Nine

In the sixty-fifth issue of The Sandman, I have reached unheard of levels of NOT PREPARED. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read The Sandman.

“Part Nine”

NO NO NO NO NO NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???

  • WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT STRING THING IN THE FIRST CHAPTER? Once I finished this issue, I thought it might have been a visual reference to Daniel’s string, but no, that makes about as much sense as Rush Limbaugh’s existence. No. WHAT IS IT? WHO IS HOLDING THE PAIR OF SCISSORS???
  • Okay, THIS LIBRARY HAS A LOT OF SIMILARITIES TO DREAM’S LIBRARY. Where is Lucien? I half expected him to show up. It looks so similar!
  • NO, I JUST CANNOT DEAL WITH THE FUCKING PANEL WHERE IT’S A CLOSE-UP OF ROSE WITH A ROSE IN FRONT OF HER MOUTH. WHY. WHY AM I SO HEARTBROKEN BY IT.
  • I SHIP MR. MCGUIRE AND ALEX. THERE. DEAL WITH IT.
  • NO, WHAT THE FUCK, WHY IS DESIRE HERE??? WHY IS SHE TEASING ROSE? OH MY GOD, I DON’T WANT TO FIND OUT WHY SHE’S IN THIS ISSUE ANYMORE. IT TERRIFIES ME. Oh god, we already know that Desire isn’t too fond of Dream, so is there another plot to destroy him in the works? I AM SO FULL OF DREAD.
  • Someone just make me lord of the Dread realm. I’ve basically paid my dues at this point.
  • Rose’s monologue about the pain of being in love is just so perfect that every story about love I read after this will just pale in comparison.
  • Why did Desire leave behind that lighter??? Is it a sigil so that Rose can call upon her???
  • WAIT WHY IS DREAM IN THE HOUSE WHERE DANIEL WAS BURNED ALIVE? A TEST? I DON’T FUCKING GET THIS.
  • OH GOD, WILL WE SEE WHAT A DEATH-CURSE DOES TO A PERSON? You can’t introduce that idea and then just never tell me what it entails! THIS IS A GREAT INJUSTICE.
  • The art and coloring in this issue is just perfection. I’m so into this cartoonish, dark style, and I think it’s really helping me to enjoy this volume quite a bit.
  • “Have you never wondered, little bird, what it must be like to see the world through the eyes of a god?” LAKJSDF A;LKSFD AK;L A;SKDLFJ OH MY GOD THE CORINTHIAN IS GOING TO EAT LOKI’S EYES. h e l p
  • Wait, those dialogue bubbles are red. That means the Kindly Ones are speaking. I PAY ATTENTION, SEE???
  • what
  • what are they looking for
  • no
  • NO
  • NO THAT IS FIDDLER’S GREEN
  • NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHY DID YOU KILL A BEAR
  • AND A BALD EAGLE
  • YOU TERRORISTS
  • NO YOU BETTER LEAVE HIM ALO–
  • FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!! OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE????
  • (I legitimately screamed at the pages of this issue when Fiddler’s Green was stabbed. I am STILL very upset.)
  • I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe this. This is the opposite of what I wanted. 🙁
  • Dream’s conversation with Matthew is just so fucked up. Matthew is too upset for me to cope with. Ugh.
  • Why is Dream visiting Thessaly? Has he known that she’s taken Lyta under her wing?
  • oh.
  • oh fuck
  • oh my god
  • THIS IS THE WOMAN WHO DREAM HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH AND WHO LEFT HIM ISN’T IT
  • IT TOTALLY IS. THAT EXPLAINS THE UNCOMFORTABLE DYNAMIC.
  • MY BRAIN. I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE. WHY IS SHE DOING THIS?
  • Wait, what the fuck? There are other speaking ravens around that don’t belong to Dream?
  • Wait, I knew that. Why was I still surprised by this? Plus, I knew from a past issue that ravens were all leaving their posts for mysterious reasons. So, they’re in the Dreaming???
  • I’m kind of touched by the fact that Matthew won’t feast on Fiddler’s Green.
  • “There’s going to be a lot of corpses, aren’t there? There’s going to be a battle. There’s going to be a war.” no no no no no no no
  • “Oh, I think the war’s already begun.” nope nope nope nope nope nope.
  • “So there you are, Daniel. I’ve been looking all over for you.”
  • NO, FUCK YOU, LOKI! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU OH MY GOD DANIEL ISN’T EVEN DEAD THIS IS THE WORST PLOT TWIST EVER, I AM SO UPSET RIGHT NOW BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS GONE TO SHIT AND THERE’S NO REASON FOR THIS TO HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE. 
  • OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO UNPREPARED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

help me.

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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