Mark Reads ‘The Sandman’: 5×03 – Bad Moon Rising

In the thirty-fourth issue of The Sandman, WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK!?!!?!?!? Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read The Sandman.

“Bad Moon Rising”

WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ?!?!?!

  • WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK!!!
  • oh my god the colors in this issue. THE COLORS. oh my god all the white and blue during the moon scenes. DANIEL VOZZO, YOU ARE A GENIUS.
  • I love the image of Hazel and Foxglove comforting one another. YES TO QUEER REPRESENTATION LIKE THIS.
  • Thessaly, who the fuck are you? WHO THE FUCK IS THIS WOMAN? Oh my god, I absolutely adore how she is just like, “I AM HERE TO GET SHIT DONE AND THAT’S THE END OF IT.”
  • Okay, seriously, I love the characters in this issue in general. They have depth, they have fears, they make their own choices, and they matter. Oh my god, this is so good.
  • Can y’all just look at the panel where Thessaly says, “There’s definitely something wrong. You’d better open the door,” and can you just appreciate that this is the angriest, I-Will-Take-None-of-Your-Shit face in the history of faces? I want to use this as a reply on Tumblr. Just that face alone.
  • I love Wanda’s hair color. I once had my hair dyed that color when I was a junior in high school.
  • Wanda’s response to Hazel’s transphobic comment is so goddamn fierce. YOU TELL HER. Also, free tip: DON’T EVER FUCKING DO THAT, Y’ALL.
  • Well, Thessaly did say George was in the bathtub.
  • I mean, right?
  • To the credit of everyone else in the room, Thessaly is purposely obtuse in this issue, and I don’t blame them for being so harsh with her.
  • So… who is Thessaly again? How come no one can move??? I DON’T GET IT.
  • When Thessaly said she was going to ask George, I once again didn’t think she was being literal. How was she going to do that? She already killed him, so it’s imposs–
  • WHAT THE FUCK
  • WHAT THE FUCK
  • WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING WHAT AM I LOOKING AT OH MY FUCKING GOD
  • WHY IS SHE PUTTING IT ON THE WALL
  • WHY DOES SHE HAVE HIS EYES
  • OH MY GOD HIS FACE HIS FACE
  • HOLY SHIT HELP ME
  • SHE JUST PULLED HIS TONGUE OUT OF HIS HIS MOUTH WITH HER TEETH
  • just bury me right here in these pages, i can’t.
  • SHE’S TALKING TO GEORGE
  • i mean
  • this is it
  • this series cannot get more gross and disturbing.
  • BRAVO, GAIMAN. As a fan of horror, you’ve found a way to make gore interesting. My god, this is unbelievable.
  • So George was a normal person who was taken under the Cuckoo’s wing. WHO IS THE CUCKOO????
  • Wanda isn’t a man, Thessaly. Shut up.
  • THE MOON. YOU LITERALLY CALLED THE MOON. oh my god i love The Sandman so much.
  • I don’t understand Thessaly’s history with the Moon. Do I capitalize that? It seems like a proper noun to me.
  • If this was Stephen King’s basement… no, that’s actually a frighteningly accurate reference. He would write about cutting someone’s face off to talk to them.
  • OMG why do Hazel and Foxglove get to come along???
  • OH FUCK I FORGOT THAT GEORGE’S FACE CAN STILL TALK. What a beautifully bizarre and hilarious end to this issue. GIVE ME MORE, PLEASE.

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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