Mark Reads ‘Eclipse’ is out and OTHER SHENANIGANRY

Okay, I took a LONG time to write Mark Reads Eclipse, but after weeks upon weeks of editing/writing, re-editing, and even more editing, I’m finally happy with the final result. So, my dear readers, I now give to you: Mark Reads Eclipse!

ommmggg

Featuring at least five brand new reviews, the Mark Reads Eclipse eBook is now available for purchase for a low price of $2.99 in three eBook formats:

  • PDF
  • Kindle mobi
  • ePub (for Nook, iPad, iPhone, iPod touch)

Additionally, you can still purchase Mark Reads Twilight and Mark Reads New Moon on MarkDoesStuff.com for the same price in all three formats!

But you know what this actually means, don’t you? DON’T YOU? Okay, probably not, so let’s talk MORE EBOOKS.

I have just one final Twilight eBook before I can bury this series forever, never having to read another word of Stephenie Meyer’s. It’s like burning the final photo I own of a particularly bad boyfriend! I WILL DO IT. So a copy of Breaking Dawn is sitting on my desk at home (and it’s the hardcover edition and it is so massive that it makes me want to break into tears) and I will start the massive, unholy process that is trying to turn 38 reviews into a book-like narrative. I am not excited to write about:

  • Marriage wank!
  • That sex scene!
  • Edward and abortion!
  • Abortion propaganda!
  • THE BIRTH SCENE I WILL NEVER HEAL FROM THAT DAY
  • The chapter titles for Jacob’s point-of-view!
  • IMPRINTING ON NEWBORNS HOW IS THIS OKAY
  • Shapeshifters, or How I Learned To Appreciate Meyer’s Nonsensical Plot Twists and Love Them For the Absurdity They Represent!

but omg my epilogue review. Sorry, I love that thing. I’m really proud of it.

But guess what happens then??? Well, there will be one more book-related surprise….and then! Oh god, I will finally be able to start working on the MARK READS HARRY POTTER SERIES!!!! I cannot WAIT to be working on something I actually enjoy. There are so many wonderful surprises I have for that series, including an amazing partnership with an awesome organization, new reviews, OBSESSIVE FOOTNOTES, and…well, let’s talk about this!

EDITORS

I currently have a group of about 15 editors who peruse through my work to provide the much-needed editing that these original reviews need to be adapted to book form. One of the biggest challenges is removing/adapting all references to it being a blog; I ideally want them to read more like a diary or journal, a day-to-day, chapter-by-chapter process, so I have to strip out all the bizarre references to the Internet/comments that don’t make sense. For Twilight, I was totally unaware/bigoted towards a lot of terms/phrases/unfortunate implications, and I swap out a lot of problematic shit that remained in those pieces. But the hardest thing to do is turn it into a distinct narrative with a proper flow, and it takes a lot of work. I used a lot of image-heavy, quote-heavy reviews during Eclipse, so stripping those out and re-writing my original thoughts was time-consuming.

And even after all of that, there are still a ton of mistakes. It’s hard to catch everything when the writing comes from your own head! You think it makes total sense, and the editors are there to say, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING HERE?” And it is a beautiful thing!

I would like to NOT take as much time to get the HP books done, and I would also like them to be about as flawless as humanly possible. SO, MY READERS AND FELLOW HARRY POTTER FANS. I am looking to expand my team of editors! Do you love reading? Have a penchant for picking out bad grammar or poor sentence structure or problematic ideas? DO YOU WANT YOUR NAME IN MY BOOKS AND ALSO YOU GET ALL MY BOOKS FOR FREE AND ALSO STUFF.

I don’t need folks to have A MASTERS IN GRAMMAR BOSSERY or anything, but if you think you have the chops to be a fantastic editor, let me know! I’ve found that those who are writers themselves or have acted as betas in fanfiction circles work really well, so that counts as a qualification! Please email me at:

markreadsandwatches [at] gmail [dot] com

Please provide information on any experience or work you’ve done with editing. I’ll probably be adding 10-15 more editors to my team. (Also, current editors, y’all are safe and welcome to continue on to HP, so this is not me replacing you. YOU ARE ALL ANGELS.) I’ll give you more information about the process if I think you’ll work out, but the position is flexible. You don’t have to edit every book if you agree to it, and we will be moving towards a system more like beta-ing in fanfic where editors can sign up just to edit a block of chapters if they don’t have time.

Moving on!

OH MY GOD Y’ALL I LOVE YOU. Holy shit, like 100 of you replied. I will go through and try to find a way to accommodate all of you, so expect replies from me this week about availability and whatnot. BUT YES PLEASE NO MORE omg my poor email inbox 🙁

Mark Reads Harry Potter Art Contest!

This is not the official announcement so much as a heads-up to the community to keep this in mind. I designed all the covers for the Mark Reads Twilight books, and they are poorly done, but whatever. I write words. I am awful at pretty pictures. That’s okay, I’m generally more concerned with the words inside the book than the cover.

However, Mark Reads Harry Potter is a big deal to me. I want to do these books right. So, once I finish Mark Reads Breaking Dawn, I am going to announce the full details of a contest to award one person the chance to design all seven covers of the MRHP eBooks. I ideally would like them to all be aesthetically complimentary to one another, and I can’t do such things!

But this wouldn’t be a contest if it was just me saying, “lol enjoy the prospect of doing work for me lol.” No, my dear readers, the actual prize is that whomever wins designs all seven covers and then gets paid for each one. I’ll announce the exact specifications soon, but artists deserve to be paid for their work, yes? So, if you’re a graphic designer or artist, keep this in mind. DON’T SEND ME ANYTHING YET. Just let the cogs in your brain start turning!

Okay, AWESOME. Lots of new info! Buy my books, support me, and I shall return the favor with more awesomeness. Thank you all!

About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since ’09.

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44 Responses to Mark Reads ‘Eclipse’ is out and OTHER SHENANIGANRY

  1. Natalia (@mellafe) says:

    All this Potter talk is making me cry with pure and utter JOY and OHMYGODDNESS. It's a word.

  2. Pan says:

    never having to read another word of Stephenie Meyer’s.

    But… you've promised to read The Host! If you dare to dump this project, I WILL BE REALLY, REALLY SAD AND I MIGHT CRY A LOT. And I suppose, I won't be the only one. =(

  3. Heather says:

    FFF! An opportunity to edit Mark Reads things? UM YES PLEASE. 😀 This is so exciting! I'm glad everything's working out so well for you!

    • Anna says:

      I KNOW! I wanna do it, and I know I can, even though I'm fourteen. I have never before felt so grateful to my mother for raising me to be so grammatically and logically correct. (Well, have the ability to be such, at least.)

  4. Amanda says:

    Looking forward to the MRHP ebooks! 🙂

  5. fizzybomb says:

    What about Midnight Sun though? Are you just not going to do it, or are you going to stick it in with Breaking Dawn, or what? (I mean, there's not that much to write about it, so that could work? I guess?)

    • xpanasonicyouthx says:

      Well, I have plans for that because as it stands now, more than half the reviews are in video form, and I can't put a video in an eBook.

      so you'll have to wait and see 🙂

  6. Courtney says:

    When I was jobless and semi-homeless, I read Mark Reads Harry Potter to pass the day away while my boyfriend was at work. Seriously, if I didn't have these little gems of reading, I probably would've gone insane(r). I want to be your friend and bake you cookies and stuff!

  7. Natalie says:

    I'm applying to be one of the new editors, even though I probably don't stand much of a chance against all of the severely awesome people who read and comment on this site… 😀 Still, I would absolutely love to do it. Also, super excited to see Mark Reads The Host in the future. I was very reluctant to give it a chance after the Twilight saga, but I am forever glad that I gave in to my friend's nagging and finally read it.

  8. pennylane27 says:

    I've already bought Eclipse and I'm already having fun! It's so awesome having your books in my Kindle library 🙂

    I'm obviously excited about MRHP. That's a given. But you're such a tease Mark with your surprises. I want to knooooow!

  9. @NTYoyo says:

    I absolutely love that cover. It's a visual representation of my face while reading Eclipse, no doubt.
    Also, when are you going to reopen the forums, Mark? It's been down for a while…

    (Let's hope I didn't quadruple post this time)

  10. Shiyiya says:

    Mark, you should read this Twilight fanfic I just read the other day. http://luminous.elcenia.com/ Bella and Edward are actually sympathetic characters who don't do stupid things all the time, and their child isn't named Renesmee or whatever the hell it is, and it's really interesting. It even deals with the creepiness of imprinting. (I found that from a link from this amazing Harry Potter fanfic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5782108/1/Harry_Potte… ) And I'm saying this as someone who, as a rule, is not a fan of fanfic. Relevant quote: ' "You know," I said, "it really seems like there should be a way to portmanteau "Renée" and "Esme". The vowels are so similar. But there's just no way to put them together in a way that sounds like a name and not a Pokémon." '

    Also, being a Mark Does Stuff editor is totally awesome, even if I was all late with the edits on the last one because I failed to notice what day it was >_> Yay for being online at the right time to get one of the original slots!

    • notemily says:

      That quote is amazing.

    • Tauriel_ says:

      HARRY POTTER AND THE METHODS OF RATIONALITY!!! <3 <3 <3

      I bloody ADORE that fic. It's brilliant. It's utterly AU (Alternate Universe), many characters (especially Harry, who is strongly reminiscent of Artemis Fowl in a way) are totally changed from the books, but in many many cases it actually works even better than in the original books. The slightly changed wizarding world is also a lot more internally consistent than the canon one.

      Also, there's SCIENCE and RATIONALITY. <3

      • Shiyiya says:

        I think I prefer it to the books, really. IT IS SO COOL. Lots of serious interesting bits and also lots of really funny bits. And all the ambiguity! Dumbledore the nobody-is-actually-sure-if-he's-senile! Quirrel the I-still-can't-tell-if-he's-really-evil! (Naq lrf, V xabj ur'f Ibyqrzbeg, ohg ur'f fubpxvatyl flzcngurgvp sbe nyy gung, naq xvaq bs na njrfbzr zragbe sbe Uneel Wnzrf Cbggre-Rinaf-Ireerf.) Draco with character development and and and! Harry's trunk! NEED MOAR CHAPTERS NAO.

    • Rachael says:

      Oooooh! I, as a rule, am a fan of fanfics, so I am sure to enjoy these.
      Also, best. Quote. Ever.

      And, oooh I am so jealous of you right now! I would die to be a Mark Does Stuff Editor. I've applied now, but I probably won't get it with all the competition. I'm only fourteen. I'd do a frownie-face, but I've vowed to never do that. I really don't want to be a "normal" teen.

    • flootzavut says:

      LOVE the quote 😀

  11. Becky_J_ says:

    Mark! So glad I check this site periodically…. as in every day…. I'm super busy and haven't read American Gods, so I have not been around in a while, since you finished HDM…. man, is that one run on sentence, or is it just me?….. ANYWAYS….. I love everything about this post, and my cogs are turning about the designing of your covers! I just wanted to thank you for giving artists the recognition they deserve.

    Also, am I the ONLY one who reads your email EVERY DAMN TIME as mark reads sandwiches? Because that is always what it looks like to me and I have to sound it out to myself. What. What is wrong with me

  12. Chris Durston says:

    I would SO MUCH LOVE to do editing but I don't know if I can because I'm young and British 🙁

  13. Brieana says:

    There's an ad on the side for Breaking Dawn tickets.
    I correct peoples' spelling and grammar all the time. It really pisses them off. But it's mostly just me explaining the difference between your and you're, phase and faze, and less and fewer. Maybe you've already figured those out.

  14. bookworm67 says:

    Ooh, I'm intrigued!
    I'd love to edit, but I don't have any experience so I don't think I'd be up to it.
    On the other hand, that Harry Potter cover contest…HOW CAN I RESIST. THIS IS TOTALLY MY THING. Consider the brain-cogs turning!

  15. stargaterejects says:

    This is completely unrelated to anything important, but in the email address I read "markreadsandwatches" as "markreadssandwiches" and it made me giggle.

  16. Anonymouse says:

    Is anyone else having problems getting onto the store website? Every time I try it tells me the server is not responding… 🙁

  17. Nicole says:

    This is a random comment, but I wanted to share. The other day I watched the movie Insidious and (*sort of spoilers for Insidious?*) the plot has something to do with astral projections. It immediately made me think back to all the times Mark has talked about high-fiving characters on the astral plane, and the rest of the movie I couldn't help but think about Mark, there on the astral plane with all the sort of scary stuff there in the movie, giving out high fives and hugs. To be honest I didn't like the movie much so it helped me enjoy it a little more haha.

  18. flootzavut says:

    You have (yet another) email Mark – when I was reading Eclipse the other day, I thought to myself, hmmm, I wonder if he needs more volunteers… it took your request for me to get off my arse/be brave enough to do so, but hey, now I have. Would love to help, I am one of those strange people who actively enjoys editing… 🙂

  19. Jim says:

    For MRHP cover art you need someone to impose Mark into a tense scene in each Harry Potter book. Not as a participant but kind of a fly on the wall. The best I can think of is in POA, to make Mark a scarecrow in Hagrid's pumpkin patch (Mark would love that cause, you know, it's Hagrid) as Harry and Hermione try to lead Buckbeack to safety. I would love to do this but I have no talent to make it happen. Someone out there maybe?

  20. flootzavut says:

    I don't know where best to put this, but this Meyer vs Rowling page gave me SO MUCH JOY:
    http://ifbyyes.wordpress.com/2011/10/04/round-3-r

    *laughing so much* Enjoy 🙂

  21. Donna says:

    All amazing stuff! I love your blog, Mark.Just throwing it out there, I thought you guys might be interested to know – I've recently been playing quizzes on a site called Triviala, not sure if any of you guys have heard of it, it's bloody addictive! They have tons of Harry Potter Quizzes and Twighlight Quizzes and some really good comedy quizzes. If your up for it then you should join and i'll see you all in there! you can check it here – http://www.triviala.com In the mean time Mark I look forward to your next post!!!!!!!

  22. Donna says:

    I put the website link on before. Here's the direct link to the Twighlight quizzes. Makes it a little bit easier for you lot! :p http://www.triviala.com/quizzes/search/twilight

    Have fun 😀

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