Mark Reads ‘The Return of the King’: Predictions

You know, despite how much information I have going into The Return of the King, I don’t feel as if I’m going to do well at this at all. I do have a better sense of why this book was so long, but SO MUCH CAN HAPPEN at this point. So, allow me to continue making a fool of myself on the Internet for your entertainment. It is what I do.

Just to remind you of this, since EVERY time someone feels the need to be edgy and clever and do it anyway, DO NOT HINT, ASSUME, IMPLY, WINK WINK, NUDGE NUDGE, OR OTHERWISE CONFIRM OR DENY ANY OF MY PREDICTIONS. Let me have my fun.

All right, let’s get to it.

Mark’s Horrific Predictions for The Return of the King

  1. There will be two battles in this book: One at Minas Tirith, and one in Mordor.
  2. Someone will walk into Mordor.
  3. Arwen will show up.
  4. Galadriel will show up.
  5. Elrond will show up.
  6. Sam will be reunited with Frodo.
  7. Pippin will be reunited with Merry.
  8. Gimli will get to return to Lothlórien.
  9. Aragorn will kill one of the Nine Riders.
  10. Gimli will kill more Orcs than Legolas.
  11. Gandalf will be the one to battle Sauron, not Frodo.
  12. Sam will sacrifice himself in order to destroy the Ring.
  13. The Ring will pass into someone else’s possession before it gets back to Frodo.
  14. Ugh, I hate typing this, but I think Merry will die.
  15. Actually, I think Gandalf will as well. And for real.
  16. Aragorn will get to end up with Arwen.
  17. Frodo will return to the Shire and begin to write down his tale, like Bilbo did.
  18. We will find out by the book’s end that Bilbo Baggins has died.
  19. Oh, and if it’s not clear, the Ring will get thrown into Mount Doom.
  20. So will Gollum. UGH GOLLUM WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.
  21. Treebeard will die. 🙁 🙁 🙁
  22. There will be zombies? Look, I don’t know. I’m grasping at straws here.
  23. We will see another Balrog or a demon like it.
  24. Faramir will die.
  25. Okay, I have no idea what I’m doing at all.

OH WELL. Here’s to further embarrassing myself!

About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
This entry was posted in The Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

279 Responses to Mark Reads ‘The Return of the King’: Predictions

  1. flootzavut says:






  2. Jenny_M says:

    General reaction: LOL.

    Rot13ed reaction: Cercnerqarff ungu ur abg.

  3. rabidsamfan says:

    Just as a point of amusement, my radio station plays "God Bless America" by Kate Smith every morning at 9 a.m. and I am now conditioned to check "Mark Reads" whenever I hear it start…

  4. Becky_J_ says:





  5. enigmaticagentscully says:

    Zna, fbzr bs gurfr ner perrcvyl shpxvat npphengr!

    Tbyyhz tbvat vagb Zbhag Qbbz?
    Mbzovrf? Nezl bs gur qrnq nalbar?

  6. Becky_J_ says:

    Ur… qvq ur…. qvq ur npghnyyl cerqvpg gung Tbyyhz jvyy trg guebja va Zbhag Qbbz?? UBJ QBRF UR QB GUVF. Ur unf cbjref uvf ernqref xabj abg!!!

  7. Alice says:

    Svefg bs nyy – gur onaare… ZL PERLRF!!!! And wow,you're keeping the tradition…prediction time is always fun!

  8. hick says:


    Of course I can't say, why I *lol*, but…

    Gur Tbyyhz cerqvpgvba, V'z fcrrpuyrff.

    • ZeynepD says:

      Ab xvqqvat. V npghnyyl fgnerq ng gung sbe n juvyr, er-ernqvat gur cerivbhf vgrz naq gung gb znxr fher V unqa'g zvfhaqrefgbbq.

  9. knut_knut says:

    Gurer jvyy or mbzovrf? Ybbx, V qba’g xabj. V’z tenfcvat ng fgenjf urer.


    WHY MUST YOU KILL OFF EVERYONE I LOVE!!!! Now I'm worried about this book you're writing. Will you have wonderful characters and then cruelly take them away from us?

  10. Atrus says:

    Fb evtug, naq lrg fb jebat. Nyy va nyy cne sbe gur pbhefr. 😀

  11. @rosiejbest says:

    I think it's entirely reasonable not to have a very clear idea of where this is going – I'd forgotten how open-ended it all still is at this point in the books.

    Gurer jvyy or mbzovrf? Ybbx, V qba’g xabj. V’z tenfcvat ng fgenjf urer.
    Jryy, vs lbh pbhag gur nezl bs gur qrnq… 🙂

    Havagragvbany whkgncbfvgvba sbe gur jva, lrg ntnva: lrf, gur evat naq Tbyyhz obgu raq hc va Zbhag Qbbz, ohg V qba'g guvax Znex unf nal vqrn ubj hacercnerq ur vf sbe ubj guvf unccraf.

    V guvax V'yy arrq gb erernq gur Fpbhevat bs gur Fuver orsber ur trgf gurer – V'ir abj frra gur svyz fb znal zber gvzrf guna V'ir ernq gur obbx gung V oneryl erzrzore jung npghnyyl unccraf, rkprcg gung rirelguvat vf NJSHY.

    LBH THLF, GUR ONAARE. V'z grnevat hc nyernql. Ur vf FB HACERCNERQ.

    • sudden_eyes says:

      V er-ernq vg ynfg avtug, naq lrf vg'f fnq, gubhtu bs pbhefr vg raqf jryy … "Vg jnf n cheryl Oljngre wbxr gb ersre gb vg nf Funexrl'f Raq."

  12. JustMalyn says:

    WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 🙂 All the love for Monty Python. V'z npghnyyl dhvgr vzcerffrq jvgu gurfr 🙂 Nfvqr sebz jub qvrf (GUNAX RIRELGUVAT UBYL UR'F JEBAT) gurer'f fbzr gung ner ernyyl ba cbvag. Naq MBZOVRF…jryy, fbeg bs. Guvf vf tbvat gb or nznmvat.

  13. msw188 says:

    "Treebeard will die."

    If this does indeed happen, the world will be the saddest world ever and it will be all Mark's fault. It won't even help if we do, in fact, get zombies.

    I'm trying to remember if I had any predictions about the Return of the King when I first read the books, but I was so young, and I'm pretty sure I passed right from that terrible final chapter of Two Towers into the first chapter here without stopping.

    • knut_knut says:

      what if Treebeard became a zombie??? That could be cool!

      • Becky_J_ says:


        zombie Treebeard would be THE COOLEST ZOMBIE EVER.

        I will officially be sad now if this doesn't happen

        • knut_knut says:

          I don’t want Treebeard to die, but I want to see him as a zombie…dilemma…

          Maybe alternate universe Middle Earth with zombie Treebeard would work!

          • Becky_J_ says:

            I know, it's such a problem! I like the alternate Middle Earth idea. Then we can have both!!

            What would Treebeard zombie eat?? I don't think he would eat brains…. maybe he would eat wood and bark. And would we stumble around moaning everywhere reaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy slowly?? I mean, ents are ALREADY really slow…… and zombies are supposed to be slow…..THESE ARE ALL IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.

            • flootzavut says:

              😮 maybe that's why we never see Ents these days, they are Ent Zombies and so they move so slowly we don't even notice 😮

  14. stormwreath says:

    *Is evil, and laughs about your predictions in ROT-13*

    Someone will walk into Mordor

    Jebat! Sebz 'Gur Gbjre bs Pvevgu Hatby': "Sebqb naq Fnz fghzoyrq sbejneq. Gura gurl ena." Gurl qvqa'g jnyx. 🙂

    Naq Tnaqnys syvrf vagb Zbeqbe.


  15. enigmaticagentscully says:

    Um…you just didn't get the whole 'no spoilers' concept AT ALL, did ya?

    Deleting this as a matter of principle. If you want to Rot13 it and re-post, go ahead.

    • notemily says:

      This commenter submitted a report saying they forgot to rot13. It was a mistake.

      • stefb4 says:

        ah the benefits of having an intensedebate account….I can always go back and frantically edit my comment

        • monkeybutter says:

          Yup! It's amazing how the "SHIT, NO" reflex kicks in the instant you hit "submit," too.

          • misterbernie says:

            Ahaha, oh yes.
            I type my Buffy comments up in Word when I do a proper rewatch, and am usually too lazy to go to the rot website, so I'm all "I'll rot this part in Firefox before I submit it" and then I forget, and then HOLY FUCK WHAT DID I DO NOOOOOOOOOOOS

            • arctic_hare says:

              That's why I have the rot website open as I'm typing up a comment, and will cipher stuff and paste it into Word: I'm terrified of leaving something unciphered in there if I decide to wait and then forget to do it before posting.

              • misterbernie says:

                Keeping the website open would work if I didn't have a clusterfuck of tabs open at all times 😐
                (right now it's only three windows, and five tabs in firefox, but usually I have at least three separate ff windows with tabs and then I get terribly confused… I should clean up my tabbing/windowing habit for MDS's sake >_> )

                • flootzavut says:

                  I use the leetkey plugin. Though sometimes if it's a long comment I get lost then have to go to to figure out where I've got to!

              • rabidsamfan says:

                I compose at and just keep switching back and forth as I go along because I really really really don't want to get it wrong.

  16. blossomingpeach says:

    When he finishes the books, can he (or we) review all his predictions and show him how horribly wrong and/or awfully right he was? 😀

  17. AnnaEstel says:

    Jbj, V guvax gurfr ner gur pybfrfg ur'f rire pbzr! Fbzr bs pbhefr ner IREL jebat, ohg fb znal ner evtug. Zber guna hfhny V guvax. Ohg nf sbe UBJ gubfr cerqvpgvbaf pbzr gehr – lrc, hacercnerq!

    • flootzavut says:

      I think one of the really joyful things is that Znex znantrf gb pbzovar ernyyl fhecevfvatyl npphengr cerqvpgvbaf jvgu orvat gbgnyyl hacercnerq rira jura gubfr cerqvpgvbaf ner evtug. Vg'f n tvsg!

  18. nanceoir says:

    Mark, consider this my strongly worded letter.

    Just stop it, okay? First Pippin, and now Sam and Merry and Bilbo? Stop predicting the death of hobbits!

    We've been over this before. The hobbits are magically whisked away back to the Shire where everything is beautiful and rainbow-filled, and there are probably talking ponies, and they just live on to be awesome and wonderful grandparents to almost-as-equally-awesome grandkids who go on adventures that are dangerous — but not too dangerous.

    Seriously, the more you predict hobbit-death, the worse it is because one day the universe will listen to you, and my heart won't be able to take it.

    I swear by Gandalf's sassy white beard, Mark, if one or more of the hobbits dies, I will find you, and I will blame you. YES, YOU. NOT TOLKIEN; YOU.

    You have been warned.

  19. Marie the Bookwyrm says:

    You're not predicting more songs and poems!?! I am shocked, Mark. Shocked.

  20. Dreamflower says:

    Jubn! Znex'f ba n ebyy! Guvegrra naq n unys bhg bs gjragl-svir pbeerpg. (V'z tvivat uvz n unys-evtug ba gur mbzovrf, fvapr gur Qrnq ner npghnyyl tubfgf). Bs pbhefr, ba gur barf ur vf jebat, ur vf FB jebat!

    Naq gunax tbbqarff gung ur'f jebat ba n ybg bs gur barf ur xvyyrq bss!

  21. stormwreath says:

    Are the Appendices going to be included in the read-through and review? And do the predictions apply to them as well?

    • fan says:

      From the look of the Master Schedule, those get skipped. As well as the prologue… Unless the "bonus post" deals with those.

  22. settledforhistory says:

    Ok, my first try at a prediction post:

    1.At least two good characters will die, one of them a hobbit (Please not Sam!)
    2.Sauron will be defeated, the Ring will be destroyed
    3.There will be several awesome battles which will utterly confuse me
    4.At least 5 chapters will make me cry
    5.There will be new Nightmare Fuel creatures
    7.New songs will be sung, at least one will be longer than a page
    8.We will see a woman do some fighting (I can hope, right?)
    9.Mark will do another Tolkien and Christopher review (Please?!)
    10.Tom Bombadil will come back and freak me out with his happiness
    11.Golloum will get eaten by the spider or trampled by a oliphaunt (now I know that's just wishful
    thinking), in any case he will die
    12.We will see an Elf baby (all the cute!)
    13.There will be a happy end, but the book will still leave me inconsolable (like the Epilogue that only
    helped for about ten minutes, after that I was crying for Remus and Fred again.)

  23. monkeybutter says:

    Yeah, I went through a lot of trial and error before I found a way I like. I use VLC to make screencaps, then import the images into imageready (you can do it with newer versions of photoshop, too), and then mess around with the frames, timing, size, colors, etc. If you google "how to make gifs with VLC," you should find a bunch of (hopefully) useful tutorials.

    • nanceoir says:

      If you're working with avi files, the screencapping process can be made a lot easier by using VirtualDub (or VirtualDubMod). You can add various filters (resize, sharpen, brightness, contrast, etc.) and adjust the frame rate. You can even have it export as an animated gif, though I'm not a fan of the results, myself.

      I've taken to having VirtualDub resize and sharpen the screen captures and do the stuff with the framerate, and then using Photoshop to make levels adjustments, add text, and so forth.

      • monkeybutter says:

        That's what I used when I first started! But I also like to gif from dvd (and I'm also too lazy to screw around with VirtualDubMod to make mkv files work), so I just started using VLC. You're right that VirtualDub is a lot easier to screencap with, though.

        • AmandaNekesa says:

          Are you able to make animated gifs with VLC? A couple weeks ago I played around and tried to create an animated gif using Gimp but I didn't really like the results. Any tips?

  24. BetB says:

    All is rot13, just in case. Mark's spoiler warning is too strict to flirt with here!

    V'z nznmrq ng ubj znal bs gurfr bss gur jnyy cerqvpgvbaf ner npghnyyl gehr! Znex ernyyl frrzf gb unir n tvsg ng "srryvat" n fgbel naq gnxvat n fjnt ng jung zvtug unccra. Bs pbhefr gurer ner gvzrf jura ur vf tyrrshyyl jebat (naq V trg hapbagebyynoyr rivy pnpxyvat ynhtugre). V tvir Znex n ybg bs perqvg sbe cuenfvat gurfr cerqvpgvbaf jryy fb gurl unir ng yrnfg n zvavzny punapr bs bppheevat.

    Gur bar guvat V guvax ur unf (gunaxshyyl) zvfernq vf punenpgref qlvat. Gbyxvra cynagf gur frrq bs hapregnvagl naq ahegherf vg jryy. V fgvyy guvax Sebqb orvat gbb jbhaqrq gb pneel ba jvyy or nyzbfg birejuryzvat gb uvz (nf vg jnf gb zr) ohg ur jvyy haqrefgnaq vg. Nynf, jne unf znal havagraqrq pbafrdhraprf.

  25. Ryan Lohner says:

    Zna, Znex vf tbvat gb syvc uvf fuvg nobhg gur Rbjla erirny. Jung znxrf vg rfcrpvnyyl njrfbzr vf gung gur obbx vf fb byq, fb lbh fcraq gur jubyr gvzr znxvat pbaprffvbaf gung ab bar onpx gura gubhtug jbzra pbhyq or npgvba urebrf, fb bs pbhefr jr'er abg tbvat gb frr gurz svtug.

    V cerqvpg nabgure NYY PNCF ragel.

    • flootzavut says:

      V nz fbbbbbb rkpvgrq nobhg gung <3 Rbjla SGJ! (url, gung eulzrf!)

    • blossomingpeach says:

      V guvax ur'f tbvat gb ybir gung puncgre!

      1. Gurbqra qlvat. (Nyy gur grnef!)
      2. Zreel fgrccvat va naq fgnoovat gur Jvgpu Xvat, orpnhfr ab bar abgvprf n uboovg.
      3. Bs pbhefr "V NZ AB ZNA."
      4. Rirelbar guvaxvat Rbjla vf qrnq, vapyhqvat Rbzre jub fbof bire ure obql. (Pevrf!)
      5. Njrfbzr Cevapr Vzenuvy orvat nyy, "Hzz, qba'g lbh thlf xabj nalguvat? Fur'f nyvir, lbh fvyyl Ebuveevz."

      FB RKPVGR. fb znal rcvp guvatf unccra va guvf obbx. LNL!

      • flootzavut says:

        Orfg puncgre rire, be orfg puncgre rire? Gubhtu bs pbhefr, vg'f n grez gung V nccyl rdhnyyl fb fb znal puncgref va YbgE…

    • msnaddie says:

      Unun V jnf ynhtuvat ng gung cerqvpgvba orpnhfr frevbhfyl. FREVBHFYL.

  26. Becky_J_ says:

    I hope not in all ways, because George without Fred exists :'( :'( :'(

  27. Tul says:


    (Wow, I never had the urge to express my strong emotion using caps before coming here, but it's totally a wondrous idea and I'M SO EXCITED !!!)

    It's like if I was going to read it myself for the FIRST TIME all over again…like…I know what's going to happen so I'm super excited, but you don't and you'll be discovering it all so, reading about your experience, it will be like if I was surprised myself… (Is it even normal to be so enthusiast at the idea of a guy in the internet reading your favorite book?)

    Your reviews for Two Towers and Fellowship were SO VERY ENTERTAINING to me anyway! I just LOVE the way you talk about those things! 🙂

    Ur'f xvyyvat Snenzve gubhtu! Naq Fnz naq Zreel! Znex jung ner lbh guvaxvat!

    • flootzavut says:

      "(Is it even normal to be so enthusiast at the idea of a guy in the internet reading your favorite book?)"

      Pah, normal is overrated anyway. This is exciting, you are excited, and THAT IS VERY OKAY, OKAY?

      V nz fb tynq Znex vf jebat nobhg nyy gur uboovg qrngu naq Snenzve. Ur gevrq gb xvyy bss Cvccva gbb, va GGG…

      • Tul says:

        Normal is overrated, I so agree with you! Thanks!

        Lrnu, V erzrzore nobhg gung! Gbb zhpu TEEZ! (Frevbhfyl, rira *ur* jbhyqa'g xvyy Cvccva! – jryy lrf, creuncf ur jbhyq, ohg gung'f abg gur cbvag)

        • flootzavut says:

          V guvax TEEZ ernyyl zvtug xvyy Cvccva. Ubeevoyr gubhtug. V guvax bhg bs nyy gur sryybjfuvc naq Ebuveevz naq Tbaqbevnaf ur vf gur bar jubfr qrngu jbhyq hcfrg zr gur zbfg. V guvax vg'f orpnhfr ur'f fb lbhat naq anvir, naq tebjf fb zhpu bire gur pbhefr bs gur obbxf – sbe uvz gb gura qvr jbhyq unir qrfgeblrq zr.

          Gunax lbh, WEEG, sbe abg orvat fb rivy!

    • Dreamflower says:

      (Is it even normal to be so enthusiast at the idea of a guy in the internet reading your favorite book?)

      Well, it is normal for the Tolkien fans I know! It's most certainly normal for me. "Mark Reads" is the highlight of my morning, and I find myself getting sad when I realize how close we are coming to the end. There's only books 5 and 6 and the Appendices left. *sigh*

      • Wheelrider says:

        Gung'f cneg bs jul ur unf gb ernq gur Fvyznevyyvba! Jba'g unir dhvgr gur fnzr fgbel-arff, vs lbh xabj jung V zrna, ohg nyy gur fnzr.

        I'm hoping Mark is now permanently sucked into this world like the rest of us.

        • flootzavut says:

          I'm hoping he will. More of MarkReadsTolkien, plus I'm hoping it'll drag me through the bits I struggled with. Actually, it would be great if he did Unfinished Tales, too – I think there are bits of that he'd love/find really interesting.

          • sirintegra42 says:

            That would be great actually as I've had that for years and never got around to reading it somehow. I keep meaning to but there are too many other books I want to read :).

        • Tul says:

          V ernyyl jbaqre jung ur jbhyq guvax bs gur Fvy. V zrna, vg *vf* n irel irel qvssrerag fbeg bs fgbel-gryyvat guna jung jr svaqf gbqnl, naq ybgf bs crbcyr frrzf gb svaq vg gbb uneq. Vg nyjnlf yrsg zr jvgu n srryvat bs fbzr fbeg bs pbzcvyngvba bs fhzznevrf bs fgbevrf bs gur svefg ntr, nyy eryngrq gb rnpu bgure, jvgu n graqrapl gb raq va qvfnfgre.

          Vg jbhyq or pbby gubhtu, vs ur yvxrq vg. Jr trg gb ng yrnfg frr Fnheba! Naq ur unf *jbyirf*! Naq ur'f perrcl naq farnxl naq rivy naq gbgnyyl zntavsvprag!
          V nyfb unq dhvgr n tbbq gvzr ernqvat gur Anea (gentrql arire obgurerq zr), Srnabe vf UBG, Tnynqevry'f fgbel vf terng naq tvirf pbagrkg gb ure npgvbaf va YbgE (ohg gung'f zber va HG), Orera naq Yhguvra vf rcvp…Bu naq HATBYVNAG! Znex jbhyq ybir URE jbhyqa'g ur?

      • BetB says:

        One of the nice things about Mark Reads is that I get exposed to books I wouldn't know about otherwise. Stick around!

      • Tul says:

        Yeah, it is so sad to know all this will end soon. Strange too…I mean for a few month we check here every day, and then it will just stop? So fleeting…

        Will Mark even read the Appendices? There is a "LotR bonus post" in the schedule but that's all. I thought it would be a sort of last review on the book as a whole (I'd like one).

        But yes, there are some things in the Appendices I think he should read…Gur fgbel bs Rbjla naq Rbzre, bs Qrargube, Obebzve naq Snenzve, naq bs Nentbea naq Nejra va Nccraqvk N ner n zhfg, fvapr gurl ner na vzcbegnag cneg bs gurve punenpgre V guvax. Nccraqvk O vf ernyyl sha gbb, nobir nyy gur ynfg cneg gung tbrf orlbaq gur raq bs gur obbx. (Va snpg, V engure yvxr rirelguvat, ohg gubfr ner gur zbfg vzcbegnag ovgf VZUB)

  28. Lugija says:

    What’s this, Lugija once again joining a party with a wall of off-topic? We should keep an eye on him.
    But here goes, my predictions for the last season of LOST (and let me say first that every time Mark writes LOTS on all caps I roll the page down thinking “spoilers spoilers!”.
    Spoilers for the first five seasons!

    -Bcravat: Nabgure pbairefngvba jvgu Wnpbo naq gur Zna va Oynpx, gryyvat gur ehyrf bs gur frnfba.
    -Jung unccrarq nsgre gur obzo jnf oybja hc? Rirelguvat jrag juvgr, naq gur shgher sbyx jrag gb gurve bja gvzr (rkprcg sbe Ebfr naq Oreaneq, jub jvyy pbagvahr gb unir gurve ornpu cnegl jvgu Ivaprag. Ng yrnfg gurl fubhyq). Gur shgher jnf abg punatrq, orpnhfr pbzr ba, vg jbhyq nyernql unir unccrarq, naq Fha naq Ora jnyxrq nebhaq nyzbfg svar. Ohg fbzrguvat unccrarq. Fbzrguvat gung jvyy zryg zl zvaq bapr V frr vg. Uheyrl orpbzrf gur znva punenpgre.
    -Jubfr fvqr ner gur Nwven sbyx ba? V’yy fnl Evpuneq’f (jryy gung jnf na rnfl bar). Ur xarj gur cnffjbeq. Ohg jubfr fvqr vf Evpuneq ba? Va gur ynfg rcvfbqrf, jr sbhaq bhg gung ur xabjf zhpu yrff nobhg guvatf guna cerivbhfyl gubhtug. Ohg gurer unf gb or n jnl gb trg Jvqzber gb fubj hc va gur svanyr frnfba, naq fb V’yy fnl gung gur Nwven sbyx ner ba uvf cnlyvfg. Qhevat gur erjngpu V’yy unir gb guvax nobhg jung gurl ner fhccbfrq gb qb ba gur Vfynaq.
    -Nppbeqvat gb Jvqzber, gurer’f n jne pbzvat. Fb juvpu ner gur fvqrf? Jr unir Nwven Sbyx, gur Bguref, Fha, gur bgure fheivibef (jurerire gurl ner), naq gur Zna va gur Oynpx. Abg zhpu bs n jne, fb V’z cerggl fher vg’f zber bs n fcvevghny jne. Gur Zna va gur Oynpx jnagf gb qb fbzrguvat, V unir ab vqrn jung, naq gurfr crbcyr jvyy unir gb… jnyx vagb Zbeqbe?
    -Jub fubg gur gvzr-geniryyref va gur obngf? Jryy, Nwven sbyx, ohg jul? Jr’yy svaq bhg.
    -Uheyrl naq Zvyrf jvyy pbagvahr gb or njrfbzr. Arvgure jvyy qvr. V jnf yhxrjnez jvgu Zvyrf ynfg frnfba, ohg va guvf bar ur pbzcyrgryl jba zr bire.
    -Ora jvyy fcrnx gur gehgu fbzrgvzr. Lrnu V qba’g oryvrir guvf rvgure.
    -Znva gurzrf: Fnzr nf nyjnlf, rkprcg abj jr’yy trg gb gur fcvevghny fvqr bs gur guvatf. Qnex if Juvgr, Serr Jvyy(l) if Sngr, Yvsr naq Qrngu. V rkprcg jr’yy unir n Cbggre-rfdhr nsgre-qrngu-ivfvg.
    -Qrnguf: Ybgf bs gurz: zbfg vs abg nyy bs Nwven sbyx, znal bguref, ab erqfuveg fheivibef (V qba’g guvax jr’yy frr nal bs gurz nalzber, juvpu vf n cvgl, fvapr zl “ubj znal vf nyvir” -pnyphyngvbaf ner abj bssvpvnyyl ehvarq), Ora naq Jvqzber, Evpuneq, gur Zna va gur Oynpx, Fnlvq naq Wnpx, jub jvyy gura pbzr onpx sebz gur qrnq, orpnhfr gur znxref ner pehry.
    -Fbzrbar jvyy or anzrq nsgre n cuvybfbcure, yvxr Orexryrl be Urtry
    -Ynfg rcvfbqr: Fbzrbar jvgu n syvc puneg gryyvat jung jr whfg fnj va gur ynfg 120 rcvfbqrf (guvf jnf zl cerqvpgvba nsgre gur svefg gjb rcvfbqrf, V’yy whfg qebc vg urer)
    -Jr’yy urne ng yrnfg bar byq terng fbat juvpu V’yy gura dhvpxyl trg.
    -Whfg ernyvmrq fbzrguvat: Wnpbo gbhpurq Ybpxr yvxr ur gbhpurq gubfr jub ner fgvyy nyvir. Qbrf gung zrna gung gurer’f n jnl ur pbhyq or erfheerpgrq? Erzrzore gung ur arire gbhpurq Whyvrg (V’z fher jr jrer zrnag gb abgvpr gung sebz ure Wnpbo-yrff synfuonpx) naq fur’f zbfg qrsvavgryl qrnq.

    Naq n yvggyr guvat: Qvq gur zna sebz gur Nwven Sbyx jub fcbxr gb Zvyrf naq Evpuneq erzvaq nalbar sebz N Irel Cbggre Zhfvpny’f Qhzoyrqber? V xabj V pnyyrq uvz Qhzoyrqber va zl urnq rirel gvzr ur jnf ba gur fperra.

    I won’t be able to watch the last season before Mark is done with LotR, I’m still in the middle of a rewatch.

  29. Kiryn says:

    Well, I'm right along with you, Mark, in wishing for Elrond to come back. MORE ELROND, DAMN IT TOLKIEN, COME ON.

    oh wait maybe i shouldn't say anything, you'll just end up breaking my heart, WON'T YOU, TOLKIEN??!!

    Oh, and Mark, please stop predicting the deaths of totally awesome characters, like my Sam and Faramir just for starters, kthxbai. I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

    • Delta1212 says:

      A million Elronds appear to combat the forces of Mordor, but then Bill and Ted arrive in their time machine and Bill and Elrond fight. Then, just as Elrond is about to be defeated, it turns out Bill was actually the guy Smeagol hit with his car at the beginning of the movie in order to steal the ring.

      I forget where I was going with this…

  30. flootzavut says:

    Va nyy ubarfgl, va zl rntrearff gb ernq Znex'f cerqvpgvbaf, V gubhtug "fuvcf? jul fuvcf? cvengrf bs Hzone?" Gura V pnzr qbja gb gur pbzzragf naq GURA V abgvprq gur fjna funcr naq gur fuvc pebffvat bire gur ubevmba naq NYY ZL GRNEF! The irony is not lost on me. Nz nyfb abg cercnerq, nccneragyl…

  31. nanceoir says:

    Vg'f yvxr gur orapu sebz UQZ nyy bire ntnva.

  32. stormwreath says:

    So let's see:

    1. Gurer ner gjb onggyrf, ohg grpuavpnyyl gur Onggyr bs gur Zbenaaba vf whfg bhgfvqr Zbeqbe, abg npghnyyl va vg. Ohg V guvax jr pna pbhag gung bar. Bar evtug.

    2. Abcr. Nf V fnvq nobir, abobql va gur obbx vf qrfpevorq nf npghnyyl JNYXVAT vagb Zbeqbe. Bar bhg bs gjb.

    3-5. Nejra qbrf fubj hc; Tnynqevry naq Ryebaq znxr oevrs oyvax-naq-lbh'yy-zvff gurz nccrnenaprf evtug ng gur raq. Sbhe bhg bs svir.

    6-7. Fnz naq Cvccva ner vaqrrq erhavgrq jvgu Sebqb naq Zreel (naq rnpu bgure). Fvk bhg bs frira.

    8. Tvzyv qbrfa'g ivfvg Yóevra, gubhtu. Abg rira va gur Nccraqvprf nf sne nf V pna frr. Ur qbrf ivfvg Yrtbynf'f sngure va gur Terrajbeq Sbezreyl Xabja nf Zvexjbbq, gubhtu. Fvk bhg bs rvtug.

    9. Ébjla qbrf gung, abg Nentbea. 🙂 Fvk bs avar.

    10. Jr qba'g xabj ubj znal bepf Tvzyv xvyyf, fb V'yy vtaber guvf cerqvpgvba sbe fpbevat checbfrf.

    11. Abobql onggyrf Fnheba unaq-gb-unaq. Fvk bs gra.

    12. Tbyyhz, abg Fnz. Fvk bs ryrira.

    13. V jnf tbvat gb fnl guvf cerqvpgvba vf evtug, ohg vg'f npghnyyl abg jura V ybbx zber pnershyyl. Fnz tvirf gur Evat fgenvtug onpx gb Sebqb; Tbyyhz bayl gnxrf vg yngre. Fb fvk bs gjryir.

    14. Jryy grpuavpnyyl, vs lbh vapyhqr gur nccraqvprf vg qbrf fnl ubj Zreel qvrq crnprshyyl va Zvanf Gvevgu ng n evcr byq ntr. Ohg ur qbrfa'g npghnyyl qvr va gur fgbel, fb v'yy fnl guvf bar vf jebat. Fvk bs guvegrra.

    15. Lrf, v'z tbvat gb fnl guvf bar vf evtug. Tnaqnys vf na vzzbegny fcvevg fb 'qlvat' vf ernyyl gur jebat jbeq, ohg jr qb frr uvz qrcnegvat Zvqqyr Rnegu sberire. Frira bs sbhegrra.

    16. Lhc. Rvtug bs Svsgrra.

    17. Fcbg ba. Avar bs fvkgrra. Jr'er orggre guna 50%!

    18. Jrrryy… vs cnffvat Jrfg Bire Frn naq frrvat n sne terra pbhagel nccrne haqre n fjvsg fhaevfr pbhagf nf 'qlvat', gura lrf. Gra bs friragrra.

    19. Abg rknpgyl guebja, ohg V guvax gung'f avgcvpxvat. Ryrira bs rvtugrra.

    20. Frr nobir…. ohg urer, whfg gb or pbagenel, V'z tbvat gb avgcvpx. Tbyyhz snyyf vagb gur Penpx bs Qbbz guebhtu rvgure pneryrffarff, punapr be gur vagreiragvba bs Qvivar Cebivqrapr; ohg ur'f arvgure guebja abe chfurq ol nal qryvorengr znyvpr ba nalbar'f cneg. Fb V'z tbvat gb fnl jebat, naq jr'er ba ryrira bs avargrra.

    21. Abcr, abg nf sne nf jr gryy. Ryrira bs gjragl.

    22. Lrnu, V guvax jr pna pbhag gur Qrnq nf mbzovrf, arne rabhtu. Gjryir bs gjragl-bar.

    23. Abcr, abguvat yvxr gung. Gjryir bs gjragl-gjb.

    24. Jryy, vg'f zragvbarq va gur Nccraqvprf gung ur qvrf va gur lrne 82 bs gur Sbhegu Ntr, jura ol zl pnyphyngvbaf ur'q or nebhaq 120 lrnef byq.Ohg nf jvgu 14, V jba'g pbhag gung. Gjryir bs gjragl-guerr.

    25. Lrf! Guvegrra bs gjragl-sbhe, sbe n svany npphenpl engvat bs svsgl-sbhe creprag! Abg onq…

    (Maybe, if I remember, I should re-post this without the ROT-13 after the end of the book so Mark can see it too. :))

    • Dreamflower says:

      Uzz…V tnir sbhegrra naq n unys. N unys cbvag sbe gur mbzovr guvat. V qvq pbhag "fbzrbar" nf jnyxvat vagb Zbeqbe, orpnhfr rira vs Sebqb naq Fnz ena naq fghzoyrq, Tbyyhz pyrneyl tbg va ba sbbg– naq vs lbh jnag gb trg grpuavpny, fb qvq n ahzore bs nezvrf, orsber gurl jnyxrq bhg ntnva. Naq V qvq pbhag gur Tbyyhz guvat, orpnhfr juvyr ur jnfa'g "guebja" ol nalbar'f unaq, ur jnf xvaq bs "guebja" va gur rzbgvbany frafr gung ur tbg bire-rkpvgrq ol uvf erpbirel bs gur Cerpvbhf.

      V qvqa'g pbhag Tnaqnys'f qrcnegher nf qlvat, ubjrire. Ur yrsg Z-r gur jnl ur pnzr, ol fuvc. Ohg ur'f n Znvn, fb gurer'f ab ona ba uvf pbzvat onpx vs ur'f tvira nabgure reenaq.

      Fgvyy rira jvgu gjb be guerr bs gurz orvat dhvooyrf bs bar fbeg be nabgure, ur'f enpxrq hc n irel qrprag fpber guvf gvzr nebhaq– zhpu orggre guna uvf cerivbhf gel ng GG.

      Non-spoilery question: Should the Appendices be counted as part of RotK? I ask because I was recently informed that some translations of the books do not include the Appendices at all at the end of RotK. Should they be counted as something separate? If so, should Mark need to make some predictions about what will appear in them?

      V nyfb nfx orpnhfr vs gurl pbhag nf cneg bs EbgX, gura jr qb frr zber bs Ryebaq naq Tnynqevry guna n oyvax, orpnhfr gurl cynl n fvtavsvpnag ebyr va Nccraqvk N.

      • hick says:

        Npghnyyl, V guvax ahzore 23 pbhyq irel jryy or evtug. Jung nobhg gur perngher, gung gur Jvgpuxvat vf evqvat?

        • stormwreath says:

          V guvax bs gung nf orvat whfg n ovt navzny engure guna na npghny qrzba. Vg'f ab zber fhcreangheny guna n zhznx.

      • Seumas the Red says:

        Tnynqeíry naq Ryebaq fgvpx nebhaq sbe JRRRXF! Va grezf bs fgbel, gurl qba'g ghea hc hagvy rirelguvat vf nyy bire, ohg qrsvavgryl ner NEBHAQ sbe frireny jrrxf. Gur ovt cbfg-wbhearl ebnqgevc onpx gb gur Fuver.

        • Dreamflower says:

          Guvf vf gehr, naq gurer ner ybgf bs snasvpf gb svyy va jung gurl fnvq naq qvq qhevat gung gvzr, orpnhfr jr nera'g fubja zhpu bs vg va gur obbxf, whfg gbyq gurl jrer gurer– juvpu vf, V guvax, jung jnf zrnag ol "oyvaxvat".

  33. dcjensen says:

    Cbbe Znex.

    Ur vf fbzrjung cercnerq naq qbrfa'g xabj vg!

  34. I hate to post something so unrelated, but I need the help of the MarkReads community.

    I graduated from a Christian university in Texas, and my experience there as a gay man was so full of negativity and hate that I have joined a group of like-feeling individuals to create a website devoted to declaring our stories that were silenced by the school administration. I humbly ask anyone who is interested in reading about my and six other GLBTQ individuals’ story to please check us out at If you read it and you’re impacted and want to share it further, publicity can only help us.

    There may be some triggering stories on our site; there is frank discussion of bullying, “un-gay” therapy, molestation and harassment, and hate speech.

    Anything you can do to help, even if you just hit the convenient “Like!” button, is helping make this school a better place for the GLBTQ students who haven’t escaped.

    This will be my only post on the comments thread. I do not want to be a spam bot. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my plea to you. I hope to see your names in our discussions!


    Eric Wyatt
    Staff Writer, Voiceless

  35. sixth_queen says:

    Bar guvat Znex QVQA'G cerqvpg: gur Fpbhevat. Ur sbetbg nobhg gur Fuver.
    Naq, gung EbgX vf tbvat gb "raq" yvxr svsgrra gvzrf.

    • Dreamflower says:

      Ur pregnvayl qvq abg cerqvpg gur Fpbhevat! V guvax gung'f bar guvat gung nyzbfg ab svefg gvzr ernqre rkcrpgf, va fcvgr bs gur sberfunqbjvat. Jr guvax gur Fuver vf avpr naq fnsr naq jnvgvat sbe bhe urebrf gb erghea…yvggyr qb jr xabj!

      V jbhyqa'g fnl gung gur obbx "raqf" n ybg bs gvzrf. Jr unir frireny fprarf bs ybbfr raqf orvat gvrq hc nsgre gur pyvznpgvp ryvzvangvba bs gur Evat naq Fnheba, Ohg gur bayl erny raqvat vf Sebqb'f yrnivat naq Fnz'f erghea ubzr gb Ont Raq. Gur aneengvir vf pbagvahbhf naq arire vaqvpngrf gung gur fgbel vf npghnyyl bire hagvy Fnz fnlf "Jryy, V'z onpx".

      Abj va gur zbivrf, CW hfrq frireny qrivprf gung frrz gb vaqvpngr gur fgbel'f bire, snqr-gb-oynpx, juvgr-bhg, rgp. ohg V guvax ur bayl unq sbhe fprarf gung jrer nccneragyl raqf naq jrer abg.

  36. blossomingpeach says:


  37. VoldieBeth says:

    Ok first off, the new banner literally took my breathe away when I opened to this page! OMFG it’s so beautiful!!!

    OMG Mark, you are killing off everyone! Who do you think you are? Joss Whedon?!

    Please finish the books soon, I’ve been wanting to watch the movies so bad!!! Plus my boyfriend hasn’t seen the extended editions yet! (Can he still be my boyfriend?)

  38. icy says:

    Predictions are FUN!

  39. stefb4 says:

    2. Someone will walk into Mordor.


    <img src=""&gt;

    • flootzavut says:

      I so wish you could hear the noise that last screen produced from me, it was a most bizarre way to express amusement…

      • stefb4 says:

        Boromir's facepalm is second only to Jean-luc Picard's.

        Btw, Mark, when you get to Star Trek you MUST watch TNG (along with TOS) because PATRICK STEWART and ATTRACTIVE MEN WITH BEARDS. That is my pitch.

        Also they removed my favorite Avery Bullock scene from American Dad! on youtube 🙁 🙁 🙁

  40. Pearl_Took says:

    OK, but I will always love Merry and Pippin a lot more than I ever liked the Twins …

    Although Fred dying WAS sad. (I'm quite impressed with JKR that she did that. She has a brutal streak. LOL.)

  41. sudden_eyes says:

    No one is prepared for RBJLA!

    "Ortbar, sbhy qjvzzreynvx, ybeq bs pneevba! Yrnir gur qrnq va crnpr!"

  42. Icarus says:

    Given the number of plot twists up till now, I figured you'd have little chance of making accurate predictions.

    … and I will say nothing about how accurate or inaccurate these are. 😀

    I will say: what a death toll on that list.

    I'm grateful that the Two Towers ended slightly differently than I recalled. I thought it ended with the "death" of Frodo and Sam taking up the ring, and then we learned only later that Frodo survived.

    Of course, that's slightly worse, isn't it?

    • Tul says:

      I'm evil, so I would have loved that slightly worse cliffhanger! (especially since *I* didn't have to wait to keep reading! niark niark)

    • flootzavut says:

      I'd remembered it that way, too – Mark would not have coped at all well…

  43. arctic_hare says:

    You're right about everything, Mark, except for the stuff you got wrong.

    <img src="; border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">

    V frr zl onaare vf znxvat rirelbar fnq. ZL JBEX URER VF QBAR. UNUNUN.

    Bu, gubfr cerqvpgvbaf. Ubyl fuvg. UBJ QBRF UR QB GURFR GUVATF. V nz synooretnfgrq.

    • lexypoo says:

      Ornhgvshy onaare!

      Vg'f fb fnq, naq fb nznmvat Znex unf AB VQRN JUNG VG ZRNAF. V'z guvaxvat bs Naavr Yraabk

      • flootzavut says:

        Ynl qbja
        Lbhe fjrrg naq jrnel urnq
        Avtug vf snyyvat
        Lbh unir pbzr gb wbhearl'f raq
        Fyrrc abj
        Naq qernz bs gur barf jub pnzr orsber
        Gurl ner pnyyvat
        Sebz npebff gur qvfgnag fuber

        Jul qb lbh jrrc?
        Jung ner gurfr grnef hcba lbhe snpr?
        Fbba lbh jvyy frr
        Nyy bs lbhe srnef jvyy cnff njnl
        Fnsr va zl nezf
        Lbh'er bayl fyrrcvat…

        Rkphfr zr juvyr V JNVY NAQ YRNX NAQ.OYHO.

    • Gur bar gung fubpxrq zr jnf gur bar nobhg gur mbzovrf. V zrna, V xabj gurl'er tubfgf, ohg vg'f cerggl zhpu gur fnzr cevapvcyr… fb lrnu, V jnf vzcerffrq.

      Naq gung onaare vf nofbyhgryl ybiryl. Naq orsber lbh nfx, lrf, vg qvq oernx zl urneg vagb n gubhfnaq cvrprf. 🙂

    • Wheelrider says:

      Gunaxf sbe gung ybiryl onaare! Ybiryl naq fnq. Znex jvyy arrq gb abg bayl erivfvg uvf cerqvpgvbaf, ohg gung nf jryy.

    • fantasy_fan says:

      I wondered who was making the banners. It's very beautiful, naq qrinfgngvatyl fnq. Va 40 lrnef, V unir abg lrg orra noyr gb ernq gur raqvat bs guvf obbx jvgubhg pelvat. (V ybir gur yvggyr "lbh ner abg cercnerq" va Gratjne bss gb gur fvqr)

    • flootzavut says:

      Evil! You are EVIL! :'(

      Naq lrnu, vg'f yvxr… ubj pna ur xabj gurfr guvatf??!?!?!!111!!!?/!?!?!?!/1/!!!!!!!

  44. lexypoo says:

    Fbzrbar arrqf gb znxr n tvs bs Trbetr EE Znegva jvgu gur cuenfr "RIRELOBQL QVRF, EBFR. RIRELOBQL QVRF!" ba vg.

    And Mark, was it really necessary to kill Merry? I understand things are bleak right now, but c'mon! I loves Merry 🙁

  45. lexypoo says:

    V pna'g jnvg hagvy Znex frrf jub npghnyyl xvpxf gur Jvgpu Xvat'f nff…

    • Dreamflower says:

      Lrc. N uboovg naq n jbzna. Bar vf abg n Zna, ohg vf n zna, naq gur bgure vf abg n zna ohg vf n Zna. *teva* V nz fher WEEG unq n jbaqreshy tvttyr bire gur yvathvfgvp vebal bs Tybesvaqry'f cebcurpl!

      • fantasy_fan says:

        Vg'f ernyyl n cerggl nyy-rapbzcnfvat cebcurpl, nsgre nyy. Pbhyq unir orra na Rys, n Qjnes (bs rvgure traqre), ur pbhyq unir orra fgrccrq ba ol naq Rag, be xvyyrq ol Tnaqnys be bar bs gur bgure Vfgnev, genzcyrq ol na byvcunhag, snyy bss uvf sryy ornfg, be rira or rngra ol n Tehr. Irel naqebpragevp, guvaxvat bayl n zna pncnoyr bs xvyyvat uvz.

  46. julianamoreli says:

    Gurer jvyy or gjb onggyrf va guvf obbx: Bar ng Zvanf Gvevgu, naq bar va Zbeqbe. – Ubj qvq ur tbg vg evtug?????
    Fbzrbar jvyy jnyx vagb Zbeqbe. – Fbzrbar jbhyq fvzcyl jnyx vagb zbeqbe ng bar cbvag…lbhe nethzrag vf vainyvq Obebzve…
    Nejra jvyy fubj hc. – npphengr
    Tnynqevry jvyy fubj hc. – Fnzr nf nobir
    Ryebaq jvyy fubj hc. – V qba'g erzrzore…
    Fnz jvyy or erhavgrq jvgu Sebqb. – Ur jvyy, naq ur jvyy vzcnyr na bep (va gur zbivr ng yrnfg… V qba'g erzrzore ubj gung unccrarq va gur obbx)
    Cvccva jvyy or erhavgrq jvgu Zreel. – Ur fgvyy unir ubcr
    Tvzyv jvyy trg gb erghea gb Ybguyóevra. – qbrf gur nccraqvpr fnlf fbzrguvat nobhg ur ergheavat gb Ybguybevra?
    Nentbea jvyy xvyy bar bs gur Avar Evqref. – ab Znex…ab zna pna xvyy uvz, fbeel.
    Tvzyv jvyy xvyy zber Bepf guna Yrtbynf. – V qba'g erzrzore gung…
    Tnaqnys jvyy or gur bar gb onggyr Fnheba, abg Sebqb. – jung??? abbbb…ybybybyby…npghnyyl, va gur zbivr..Nentbea nyzbfg raqrq hc qbvat vg.
    Fnz jvyy fnpevsvpr uvzfrys va beqre gb qrfgebl gur Evat. – ur jbhyq'ir, ohg ur qvqa'g unq gb.
    Gur Evat jvyy cnff vagb fbzrbar ryfr’f cbffrffvba orsber vg trgf onpx gb Sebqb. – abc
    Htu, V ungr glcvat guvf, ohg V guvax Zreel jvyy qvr. – JUNG ZNEX???…qba'g xvyy crbcyr yvxr gung…crbcyr pnyyrq Zreel qba'g qvr…htu…yby
    Npghnyyl, V guvax Tnaqnys jvyy nf jryy. Naq sbe erny. – fb abg cercnerq…ur ernyyl qbraf'g unir n tenfc ng ubj cbjreshyy Tnaqnys vf.
    Nentbea jvyy trg gb raq hc jvgu Nejra. – vs gurl qvqa'g, rirelguvat jbhyq or fnq…orpnhfr gura ur zvtug jbhyq pbafvqre Rbjla…naq gura fur jbhyqa'g or jvgu Snenzve…naq ur qrfreirf nyy gur ybir.
    Sebqb jvyy erghea gb gur Fuver naq ortva gb jevgr qbja uvf gnyr, yvxr Ovyob qvq. – npphengr
    Jr jvyy svaq bhg ol gur obbx’f raq gung Ovyob Onttvaf unf qvrq. – vs lbh pbhag gur nccraqvpr nf gur raq bs gur obbx.
    Bu, naq vs vg’f abg pyrne, gur Evat jvyy trg guebja vagb Zbhag Qbbz. – gurer vf ab jnl Gbyxvra jbhyq unir qbar guvf qvssreragyl.
    Fb jvyy Tbyyhz. HTU TBYYHZ JUNG UNIR LBH QBAR. – fnzr nf svefg bar…UBJ QVQ UR TBG VG EVTUG???
    Gerrorneq jvyy qvr. 🙁 🙁 🙁 – jbhyq lbh cyrnfr or fb xvaq nf gb fgbc xvyyvat crbcyr…
    Gurer jvyy or mbzovrf? Ybbx, V qba’g xabj. V’z tenfcvat ng fgenjf urer. – xvaq bs…
    Jr jvyy frr nabgure Onyebt be n qrzba yvxr vg. – xvaq bs…abc…Jvgpuxvat bs Natzne creuncf? qb abg erzrzore…
    Snenzve jvyy qvr. – nyzbfg…ohearq…whfg yvxr va n tbbq zrkvpna abiryn.
    Bxnl, V unir ab vqrn jung V’z qbvat ng nyy. – nccneragyl lbh unir dhvgr n tbbq vqrn…abg fb hacercnerq…ohg fgvyy….HACERCNERQ.

  47. WelshPirate says:

    Not to sound all complainy or anything, but shouldn't this post contain the review of your Two Towers predictions? I always enjoy you listing your thoughts on the rightnes/wrongness of your predictions.

  48. edinburghlook says:

    Oh Mark. So unprepared.

    Gubhtu npghnyyl: Lrf, gjb onggyrf va guvf obbx: Bar ng Zvanf Gvevgu, naq bar va Zbeqbe. Lrf, Sebqb, Fnz, naq Tbyyhz nyy jnyx vagb Zbeqbe. Lrf, Nejra jvyy fubj hc. Ab, Tnynqevry naq Ryebaq jvyy znxr rkgerzryl oevrs nccrnenaprf, ohg gurl qba'g cynl nal fvtavsvpnag ebyr hagvy lbh trg gb gur nccraqvprf. Lrf, Fnz jvyy or erhavgrq jvgu Sebqb, naq Cvccva jvyy or erhavgrq jvgu Zreel, nyy sbhe uboovgf jvyy or erhavgrq jvgu rnpu bgure, Wnpx funyy unir uvf Wvyy ntnva naq nyy funyy tb jryy, gen yn yn yn, (bu lrf, lrf, BS PBHEFR Nentbea jvyy raq hc jvgu Nejra. Naq Snenzve jvgu Rbjla!) rgp. Bu, V pnaabg JNVG sbe lbhe ernpgvba gb gur Fpbhevat bs gur Fuver! Tvzyv jvyy abg trg gb erghea gb Ybguyóevra, ohg ur naq Yrtbynf jvyy qrcneg gbtrgure vagb gur Jrfg, fb ur qbrf trg gb zrrg hc jvgu Tnynqevry, riraghnyyl. Nentbea jvyy abg xvyy bar bs gur Avar Evqref, orpnhfr ab ZNA pna xvyy gurz, fvyyl Znex. Ab zna znl fynl gurz. Ohg, n jrr fznyy uboovg jvgu na rapunagrq fjbeq sebz n oneebj arne gur Fuver, naq bu jnvg, jub ryfr vf evqvat jvgu ure sngure'f nezl jub vf AB ZNA? *tevaf tevaf tevaf* Naq nsgre nyy gung, ab bar onggyrf Fnheba, jr arire frr uvz. Ur vf qrfgeblrq jura gur Bar Evat vf qrfgeblrq. Gung'f nyy. Fnz yvirf, Znex! Ur JBHYQ fnpevsvpr uvzfrys gb qrfgebl gur Evat, ohg ur YVIRF. Fnz Tnztrr, Evatornere, gur bayl Evatornere jub rire tvirf hc gur Evat ibyhagnevyl jvgubhg nal bhgfvqr pbzchyfvba, pneevrf Sebqb naq gur Evat npebff Zbeqbe. Fnz vf zl UREB. "Gur Evat jvyy cnff vagb fbzrbar ryfr’f cbffrffvba orsber vg trgf onpx gb Sebqb." – V unir gb pbhag guvf nf ARNEYL n jva, ohg fvapr lbh'er abg tbvat gb xabj vg … bxnl, abg dhvgr fb ab pvtne. Zreel vf onqyl uheg ohg qbrfa'g qvr! Tnaqnys qbrfa'g qvr rvgure, ur whfg tbrf onpx gb gur Jrfg jvgu Ovyob naq Sebqb, naq Sebqb QBRF svavfu jevgvat uvf obbx orsber ur tbrf. Naq Gerrorneq qbrfa'g qvr! Be Snenzve. RIRELOBQL YVIRF, Znex. Whfg guvf bapr, RIRELOBQL YVIRF. Rkprcg Tbyyhz. Naq lbh nyernql xabj nobhg Tbyyhz naq gur Evat.

    Nezl bs mbzovrf, gubhtu. OJN-UN-UN-UN. Bu Znex! LBH NER FB CERCNERQ.

  49. T.J. says:

    Why would you predict the deaths of the hobbits?!? *Hugs Sam and Merry* And TREEBEARD?!? AND Gandalf and FARAMIR? WHY?!? STOP PREDICTING THE DEATHS EVERYONE I LOVE.
    And why didn't you predict talking ponies?!? Have you given up on them? I am very disappointed in you. The ponies won't talk to you if you don't believe in them, Mark.
    I wish I'd had the patience to make predictions for some of the books I've read (and I did a bit with HP just because of the years in between the books) but I don't honestly remember what I thought at this point. It's great to see someone else experience it for the first time and to see what you are thinking.

  50. MsSmeagol says:

    BZT, sbe bapr Znex vf npghnyyl xvaq bs cercnerq. URYC.

  51. kartikeya200 says:

    Ahh, you guys! You know how long I've been waiting to post this picture? Two entire books, that's how long! And then I went and missed the relevant post yesterday by being sick, dammit.

    Well, ANYWAY:

    <img src=""&gt;

    • Ryan Lohner says:

      Uh, this is kind of embarrassing…who's the one in the middle?

      • kartikeya200 says:

        Get thee to Doctor Who, my friend. (Although it's kind've a weirdly cropped shot of the character, I admit)

        • hymnia says:

          Is it just me, or do the shadows on his face look like blue face paint?

          • sixth_queen says:

            He's auditioning for Braveheart. FREEEEE DOOOOMMMMMM

          • kartikeya200 says:

            The scene it's taken from has a lot of blue lighting, but now that you've pointed it out, I can't unsee it.

            I wonder why they picked that angle, come to think, when I think there's a more head-on shot from that scene/stance that's way more badass anyway.

      • jaccairn says:

        That must be the most unRory-like image of Rory ever! I too was going 'Who's that in the middle?'.

        • Seumas the Red says:

          I got it from the sword and the general Roman-ness… Of course, his nose is strangely unemphasised…. I thought that not possible.

          "Rory the Roman! Now there's a good title!"

          Side-kicks obviously need swords, no-matter what kind of story you are telling. I shall write this into my book.

  52. teaspooncapacity says:


    Also, new banner is both lovely and sad. It's all coming to an end!

  53. Deckmaster says:

    I'm surprised you didn't go over how well you did from your Two Towers predictions. Let's see!

    1. All right, let’s get to it. Sam and Frodo will get sidetracked and won’t make it to Mordor in this book at all.

    I'm giving you this one. 1/1

    2. The Company will be reunited by the end of the book.

    Nope. In fact they're more scattered than ever. 1/2

    3. This book will end on a cliffhanger.

    Yep. 2/3

    4. Arwen will make an appearance.

    Nope. 2/4

    5. We will learn that someone in the Shire has died since the hobbits left.

    No news from the Shire, yet. 2/5

    6. Boromir will have a change of heart regarding the Ring, but not until after the other part of the Company gets to Minas Tirith.

    lol, nope. The part that killed you was the Minas Tirith bit. 2/6

    7. We will find out exactly what that Eye thing is.

    Did we? I'm not sure. There's a lot more references to it here and we have some idea what it is. I think i'll give this to you. 3/7

    8. Gollum will speak to one of the characters.

    Yep. 4/8

    9. We will see at least two new creatures/beasts/monsters.

    Let's see, there was Ents and Olyphaunts, off the top of my head, so yes. 5/9

    10. We will find out what these two towers are? Is it the tower in Mordor and the one in Minas Tirith? GOD WHY AM I EVEN ASKING QUESTIONS.

    There are a lot of theories on which Two Towers the title refers to, but Tolkien never makes it explicit in the text. However, my theory is it's Orthanc and Minas Morgul, since they hang over so much of the action of this book. I'll skip this one because there is no right answer.

    11. One talking pony. JUST ONE, PLEASE.

    lol, nope. 5/10

    12. Ugh, I hate even typing this. I think one of the hobbits will die. Probably Pippin. ASD;KLFJSALKF;JSDFJK

    Nope. 5/11

    13. I am unprepared.

    Damn right you are. 6/12

    14. Poems?

    Yep, 7/13

    15. Songs?

    Yep, 8/14

    16. I have no idea what I’m doing anymore.

    Yep, 9/15

    So, 9 out of 15. That's three fifths or 60%. D-. See me after class.

  54. Rose says:

    Mark, you are so unprepared…

    So, so unprepared…

  55. sporkaganza93 says:

    What about the outcome of your Book Two predictions? You didn't look at those!!!!! :C

  56. notemily says:


  57. Anseflans says:

    I'm kind of dissapointed that you're not predicting that 'A King will return'. I mean, come on Mark!

  58. Summeriris says:

    Mark, are yu going to read the Appendices?

  59. flandre says:

    so many deaths…

  60. V unira'g orra xrrcvat hc jvgu gurfr erivrjf fb V qba'g xabj vs ur xabjf jub cynlf Snenzve, naq V guvax V erzrzore ur fnvq ur jnagrq gb nibvq fcbvyref sbe npgbef fb ebg13 gb or fnsr… Urer, unir n enaqbz cvpgher bs Qnivq Juranz jvgu ab pbagrkg Znex.
    <img src="; border="0" alt="diver dan">
    Rira gubhtu V nyernql xabj jung'f tbvat gb unccra er Snenzve, zl svefg guebhtu nobhg guvf cerqvpgvba yvfg jnf: AB ZNEX, LBH PNA'G XVYY QVIRE QNA!

    Fbeel, V unir na hapbagebyynoyr hetr gb frr rirel punenpgre Qnivq Juranz cynlf nf Qvire Qna…

    aaaaaaand queue no-one knowing what the hell I'm going on about…

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