Mark Reads ‘A Storm of Swords’: Predictions

To prevent myself from putting this off for two long, I’ve decided to post the predictions I wrote after completing my review of A Clash of Kings. As I make my way through the third book in the A Song of Ice and Fire series, these are the thoughts that I have regarding where I think this story and these characters will go. And just how wrong will I be??? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

Thanks to everyone who behaved rather well last time around and didn’t spoil me! This was a beautiful thing because it allowed me to be the most maximum unprepared ever, and, as everyone on the planet has told me, I am now approaching the one book in this series that apparently few people get through without screams of shock and rage. lol so it is absolutely perfect for me right.

I hope that I don’t get 2 out of 25 right this time around, but let’s face it: if I do, that’ll make a far more entertaining review once I finish A Storm of Swords. So, let’s try this! Remember, please don’t hint at whether I am right or not about any of these!

MARK’S DEARLY INACCURATE PREDICTIONS FOR A STORM OF SWORDS

  1. Davos’s fate is left open at the end of the last novel. As much as I like him, I don’t think he’s going to last. My guess? He gets the prologue chapter and we see him die.
  2. Arya, Gendry, and Hot Pie will be captured by someone working with the Lanniesters by the second chapter from her point-of-view.
  3. Stannis didn’t survive the Battle of Blackwater Rush. CALLING IT.
  4. Guess who else died in the interim? Shae. I know, it hurts, but GRRM seems to like making Tyrion suffer, so this would be like…the final nail in the coffee.
  5. And I know it’s bad to make a prediction that hinges so strictly to another, but because of #4, I bet Tyrion finally breaks and betrays the Lannisters by the end of the book, taking Bronn with him.
  6. Catelyn will finally kill Jaime by the end of the novel. Yes, I don’t think Jaime will escape.
  7. Look, I don’t even know how to deal with Melisandre, but I bet she takes control of what Stannis leaves behind and becomes a new threat to the Iron Throne.
  8. I think that last one is based on the title: A Storm of Swords. That seems like a reference to a chaotic battle of sorts, and I think all the parties who are claiming the throne will finally come to fight in ONE gigantic battle. Or something?
  9. Sansa will attempt to escape on Joffrey’s wedding day, and she will succeed. But GRRM can’t give us too much joy! We’ll find out Ser Dantos has another plan for her that puts her right back in peril.
  10. We will get a chapter narrated by Rickon
  11. Bran will find a way to meet up with his mother by the end of the novel, who will realize that killing Jaime was a mistake because her sons are alive. (The Starks seem to make a lot of “noble” mistakes, so this is my guess.)
  12. Unfortunately for anyone ever, I bet Theon did not die when Winterfell was under siege a second time. But just purely for my own joy, Robb kills Theon by the end of the book. I know it’s unrealistic, but it’s all I want from life right now.
  13. Jon. JON SNOW. my god. So he’s with the wildlings. I predict he has sex with Ygritte by the end of the book, and his big “moment” is that he is given the choice to kill one of his men to prove his loyalty or risk his life, so he follows Halfhand’s advice not to waver and kills someone from the Night’s Watch.
  14. I think Robb’s going to die in this book. I HATE TYPING THAT but look the Starks just die all the time. So yeah. I DON’T WANT IT, but it’s going to happen.
  15. Samwell Tarly is going to kill for the first time in this book.
  16. WE WILL GET A CHAPTER FROM ASHA GREYJOY’S PERSPECTIVE. oh please please please let this happen.
  17. Loras Tyrell will align himself with Catelyn Stark. I DON’T EVEN THINK THIS MAKES ANY SENSE but there’s no way he’d go with the Lannisters, even if Margaery is wedding Joffrey.
  18. Littlefinger will be behind the attempt to get Sansa away from Joffrey because he’s gross.
  19. Like #16, I know this won’t happen, but I want a chapter from Varys’s point of view. PLEASE. JUST ONE.
  20. Edmure Tully dies.
  21. Hot Pie dies.
  22. We will see H’ghar in a new face. And it will be shown that it’s Syrio Forel. Or whomever he is.
  23. DAENARYS. Oh god, she’s going to Pentos. She’ll make it there and find out Illyrio tricked her into coming, and he’ll try to kill her to get the reward on her head, and HE WILL BE ROASTED ALIVE BY HER DRAGONS.
  24. Westeros will learn that dragons exist. FUCK YES.
  25. One of the warlocks from the House of the Undying will also cross the narrow sea and to get revenge on the temple being burnt down by killing Jonah Mormont. I HATE EVEN TYPING THAT.

Bring it, George R.R. Martin.

About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
This entry was posted in A Song of Ice and Fire and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

122 Responses to Mark Reads ‘A Storm of Swords’: Predictions

  1. cait0716 says:

    Oh you sweet, summer child. Not even close to prepared.

    ASOS spoilers:
    V fgnegrq guvf obbx xabjvat bar guvat: gung pngryla qvrq nsgre oevraar naq wnvzr jrag bss gbtrgure. V jnf n onyy bs areirf sbe zbfg bs guvf obbx, ohg V fgvyy jnfa'g cercnerq sbe gur erq jrqqvat. Gurer'f whfg ab jnl gb or.

  2. Kate says:

    "the final nail in the coffee" I know it's a typo, but it is still hilarious and could sort of be used in this context.

  3. knut_knut says:

    Tyrion and Bronn need their own little spinoff series <3

    ASOS+ spoilers: Znex'f cerqvpgvba ahzore rvtugrra vf cerggl zhpu fcbg ba! V'z vzcerffrq!

    ETA: aghh! I forgot my spoiler wasn't actually in ASoS I don't think. I'm sorry!

    • cait0716 says:

      Your spoiler is from ASOS

      Fnafn unf gjb puncgref va nfbf bapr crgle erfphrf ure. Fur frrf uvf zneevntr gb ylfn, naq gura gurer'f gur puncgre jurer fur znxrf ure fabj-sbeg jvagresryy naq crgle chfurf ylfn bhg gur zbba qbbe.

      • knut_knut says:

        Whew! Thank you! All the books have started to merge together. I was sure it was in ASOS but then I panicked 🙁

        • cait0716 says:

          Yeah, they definitely start to bleed together. I've been looking for stylistic and obvious plot markers to try and keep them separate. Like ACOK opens with all of the chapters about the comet and ends with the Battle of Blackwater Bay. It's not a perfect system, since there are so many plots to keep track of. Most have them have something resembling a beginning, middle, and end in each book, though

          • knut_knut says:

            spoilers: Nsgre lbh zragvbarq gur Zbba Qbbe V jnf yvxr EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVTUG UBJ PBHYQ V SBETRG??? Vg’f evtug ng gur raq gbb! Abeznyyl V erzrzore gur ovt riragf, yvxr Wbssrel’f Jrqqvat, gur Erq Jrqqvat naq gur rcvybthr, ohg V pna’g erzrzore guvatf gung unccra gb Oena be rira Qnal naq Neln fbzrgvzrf.

    • takashid says:

      "Tyrion and Bronn need their own little spinoff series <3"

      Behold and be happy!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvfDqF0-2yg&fe

  4. Ryan Lohner says:

    Yeah, no.

    One thing to remember while reading this is that Martin had intended to skip forward five years in book four, then scrapped that idea when he started writing A Feast for Crows and realized it would rely so much on flashbacks that he might as well just tell the story chronologically (no wonder he hated Lost). Which is why Feast for Crows and Dance with Dragons took so long to come out; taking place at the same time, they required a major restructuring of his planned story arc.

    Martin describes himself as a "gardener" writer rather than an "architect." He knows where the story will end, but the twists it takes getting there were largely up in the air at the start.

  5. Patrick721 says:

    We will see H’ghar in a new face. And it will be shown that it’s Syrio Forel. Or whomever he is.

    Man, I can barely remember this book, but if Syrio somehow came back, I would rejoice. Seriously (Syriosly) the coolest character in the TV series. I mean, dude had a 'fro!

    I vote we get a spinoff TV show with Syrio and Tyrion having adventures. One's a snarky dwarf from the richest family in Westeros. The other's a swordfighting master with a sweet-ass 'fro. Together, they fight crime! (Or just fuck with the other Lannisters. Same thing, really.)

  6. roguebelle says:

    Oh, Mark. Oh our dear, sweet Mark.

    😀

  7. pica_scribit says:

    Well, you're getting better at this. You've certainly come to accept that characters tend to die off pretty regularly. Does that make you prepared for this book? Not even a little bit! *rubs hands together gleefully*

  8. Araniapriime says:

    the final nail in the coffee

    Man, I don't know if that's a deliberate pun or the MOST SERENDIPITOUS TYPO EVER, but I vow I'm going to use it every day for the rest of my life, forever and amen.

  9. @Eafiu says:

    I hope we will get a chapter-by-chapter review for this book. I mean, not one at a time but 4 or 5 at a time.

    You have to do this for at least the last chapters, Mark! It's **** unbelievable.

  10. plaidpants says:

    I just finished ASoS yesterday, and am on to the next one, and I was just as unprepared as you are Mark. Now I'm trying to rush through the next two books so I can safely go online and discuss the tv show without fear of being accidentally spoiled!

  11. FlameRaven says:

    Question for others who are caught up…

    (spoilers through DWD)

    Qb jr rira frr Gurba ntnva orsber n qnapr jvgu qentbaf? V qba'g guvax jr qb. Ur whfg qvfnccrnef, evtug, naq jr frr uvz ntnva nf Errx. Xvaqn yvxr jr fgvyy unir ab vqrn jgs Evpxba vf qbvat be jurer ur naq Bfun ner.

    • knut_knut says:

      V guvax gurer jrer fbzr ernyyl inthr pyhrf gung ur jnf nyvir (V cybjrq guebhtu gur obbxf fb V qba'g ernyyl erzrzore zhpu) ohg bgure guna gung, abguvat. V ubcr Evpxba qbrfa'g raq hc nf gur Puneyvr Jrnfyrl bs gur Fgnexf naq pbzcyrgryl sbetbggra nobhg.

    • monkeybutter says:

      Anu, gurer'f ab bar sebz gur Abegu va NSSP. V guvax gurer zvtug or uvagf nobhg Gurba orvat nyvir, ohg ab pbasvezngvba. Nf sbe Evpxba, V'z cerggl fher ur naq Bfun ner ba Fxntbf jvgu gur sheel havpbeaf naq pnaavonyf. Ng yrnfg gung'f jung'f uvagrq ng va Qnibf' puncgre jvgu Znaqreyl. Ubcrshyyl Qnibf jvyy ernccrne jvgu gurz ba Jrfgrebf va GJBJ.

      • knut_knut says:

        EVTUG!!! V sbetbg gurl jrag gb unat bhg jvgu gur pnaavonyf! V pbhyq frr Evpxba raqvat hc nf n pnaavony uvzfrys; ur’f xvaq bs n jvyq puvyq.

        • monkeybutter says:

          Frevbhfyl, jvgu Funttlqbt ng uvf fvqr, ur pbhyq or gur fvk-lrne-byq Xvat bs gur Pnaavonyf ol abj. Naq vg pna'g or fnvq rabhtu, Funttlqbt = orfg anzr rire.

    • klmnumbers says:

      V guvax qhevat bar bs Prefrv'f CBI puncgref va rvgure NFBF be NSSP, gur pbhapvy zragvba Gurba. Gurl fcrphyngr gung ur zvtug fgvyy or nyvir fvapr ur'f jbegu zber nf n cbgragvny enafbz gb gur Veba Vfynaqf be fbzrguvat qhr gb gurve jne bs fhpprffvba. Ohg ab bar pbasvezf bar jnl be gur bgure.

  12. Erica says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Nnnnnot really prepared!

  13. Shadowmarauder78 says:

    Does anyone have any idea of the release date of the next book in the series? I've just caught up. I need more!!

    • pica_scribit says:

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

      No.

    • FlameRaven says:

      Figure 2-3 years from now, at minimum.

    • monkeybutter says:

      GRRM has said he'll start writing it in 2012. So. Yeah.

      Maybe read the companion books about Dunk & Egg to fill the void?

      • Shadowmarauder78 says:

        That's a good idea. I just hope we don't have to wait six years for the next one.

      • knut_knut says:

        Haha at first I was like HOW COULD HE?! 2012 IS SO FAR AWAY!!! But it’s only a few months away so it’s not THAT bad I guess… He only has 2 books left can’t he just power through them??? Instead of going to Emmy parties, picking up swag he should be at home, writing. I’m going to be so old by the time he’s done T_T

      • takashid says:

        where can you get the Dunk and Egg novels? i really want to get them, but i dont know where to find them. are they in bookstores like the SOIAF books?

        • monkeybutter says:

          Hmm, that's a little complicated. They're novellas and they were published in anthologies, and the first two have been adapted into graphic novels. The first two novellas (The Hedge Knight and Sworn Sword are in the Legends and Legends II anthologies, but I think that the first one of those was later broken up into smaller volumes, so you'd have to check the contents to make sure you're getting the right one. And the most recent story (The Mystery Knight) is in the Warriors anthology.

          • pica_scribit says:

            I emailed GRRM a few weeks back and asked if there would ever be a collection of Dunk & Egg stories published for ereader so that they would be easier to track down. Here's his answer:

            There will probably be an ebook version of the Dunk & Egg stories
            released at the same time as the print collection… but that's a few
            years down the pike. First I need to write the fourth novella.

            Until that time, the only place to find the stories is to seek them out in
            the anthologies where they were originally published — LEGENDS and LEGENDS
            II and WARRIORS.

            • monkeybutter says:

              Wow, that was really nice of him to take the time and answer. I'm glad to hear that, though!

            • takashid says:

              Oh awesome! so there will be a collected book version of all the D&E tales? cant wait for that, it would be more fun to read them all at once. Thanks for the info!

          • @Eafiu says:

            OMG I have Legends I-II and I forgot GRRM had short stories in them. This is like an early-from-the-past birthday present.

          • takashid says:

            thanks! i appreciate you taking the time to answer my question.

  14. Cassie-la says:

    No one will ever be ready to read this book.

  15. SteelMagnolia80 says:

    This is the first book I haven't read with Mark…forever sad. And judging by all the deaths, I think I'll wait for the mystery book and Tolkien. Although, I am very much intrigued.

    I went on a Gaiman buying binge while depressed the other day. Not knowing which book Mark was going to read and after just being left by the man I'm in love with, I sat in the aisle of the bookstore and gathered American Gods, Stardust and Good Omens to my chest and cried. I couldn't decide on which one to buy, so I bought them all. Now watch, he'll be reading something totally different. But will I regret the purchases?

    Hell to the noes.

    • xpanasonicyouthx says:

      You won't regret it. It's one of those three.

      🙂

      • klmnumbers says:

        I HOPE IT'S STARDUST, TBH. Mostly because I love it.

        • cait0716 says:

          Last week Mark said that it's not Stardust or Good Omens.

          So now the only question is, is it the original American Gods or the Author's Preferred (10th anniversary) text?

          • klmnumbers says:

            Oh, well. American Gods is good, too. I think I actually have it stored away somewhere in my apartment, too!

          • knut_knut says:

            OOO, what’s the difference between them? I only have 1 copy and I need to save my money to buy pants so I can’t buy any books for a while D: sad (…I don’t really neeeeed pants…I can freeze in the winter, it’s ok, right?)

            • cait0716 says:

              The Preferred text has 10,000 extra words. Basically, back in the day, Gaiman got the text to what he wanted and then his editor wanted it to be 10,000 words shorter. So he edited it down and released it and it's very good. Then for the 10th anniversary release, he re-edited it to put those 10,000 words back in. There's nothing starkly noticeable, just a little extra depth to several scenes.

          • pica_scribit says:

            I'm guessing it's whichever is most readily available on Kindle, since that seems to be how Mark is doing his reading these days.

      • notemily says:

        MARK, I just went and got four Neil Gaiman books out of the library because I didn't know which one you were going to read. STOP TEASING US FOREVER

      • pica_scribit says:

        Excellent. I've already read all of them more than once, though it's been a few years since the last time I picked up American Gods.

  16. Sarah says:

    Yup, I'm one of those that couldn't get through this one. It ruined the series for me and I just couldn't continue.
    I'm sure that won't happen to you though. You'll probably love it! Haha!

  17. burningpumpkins says:

    So… is MarkWatches gone forever? Or are efforts still put in to revive it?

  18. klmnumbers says:

    Littlefinger will be behind the attempt to get Sansa away from Joffrey because he’s gross.

    Your reasoning for this one made me cackle.

  19. @unefeeverte says:

    Personally, I feel that saying "Bring it, George R.R. Martin." at ANY point in this series is just an extremely stupid idea.

  20. Idapida says:

    It's impossible to be in any way prepared for this book.
    I really hope you review the two parts separately! Just throwing that out there 🙂

  21. redletter_ says:

    I actually finished the book before you posted this Mark! YAY! It is so much fun to know the answers to these questions!

    NEVER EVER PREPARED.

  22. lunylucy says:

    Mark, it looks like you are prepared for shit to go down (whether you're right in the specifics or not) but are you prepared for the moments of unexpected awesome in this book?! I think not >: D (yes, somehow, even moments of awesome warrant an evil face in the world of GRRM).

  23. birdbrainblue says:

    Congratulations, Mark – my jaw literally hit my desk. I have a bruise on my chin, no lie.

    I'll be over here in the corner, sniggering for all eternity.

  24. Doodle says:

    Oh, Mark. Oh how I wish you only knew.

  25. Ryan Lohner says:

    He's reportedly about a third of the way through Winds of Winter right now, though seeing as the series started as a planned trilogy (gardener, remember?) that's not much reassurance. Though given the importance of the number seven in the series, it would be pretty fitting if the current plan for seven books works out.

  26. woot says:

    "Final nail in the coffee"?

  27. Tauriel_ says:

    As a matter of fact, I've only recently finished ASOS. One of the most frustrating books I've ever read. 😀

    Oh, Mark. 😀

    Three of your predictions made me laugh out loud because of the sheer irony between them and what really happens.

    Fiver of your predictions are FREAKISHLY ACCURATE. I'm not saying which, though, obviously.

    But still…

    YOUR UNPREPAREDNESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS!!! 😀

  28. Oh Mark. Mark, Mark, Mark.

    Don't change.

    Ever.

  29. ninja_bat says:

    Have fun reading… 🙂

  30. Rachel says:

    I lol'd hard @ Littlefinger will be behind the attempt to get Sansa away from Joffrey because he’s gross. just cause I absolutely love Littlefinger and I get twisted enjoyment out of hearing everyone's squicked out reactions to him

  31. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    so hi y'all

    i got to that part

    and i refuse to read more

    never
    no
    how
    just no
    no
    no
    hold me 🙁

    • drippingmercury says:

      I am not sure which part that is, because THIS BOOK. Over half of it is just:
      <img src="http://i.imgur.com/dzvgz.gif"/&gt;

      So wherever in the book you are… please have all the hugs.
      <img src="http://i.imgur.com/VQHZH.gif"/&gt;

    • @Eafiu says:

      I'm so sorry Mark, I'm so sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

      If it's the Erq Jrqqvat:

      Ab, qba'g, qba'g phg zl unve, Arq ybirf zl unve. <- PEL SBERIRE

    • ((hugs)) I know. I couldn't believe it. I thought each of the four books would take a day, max, to read. They took two weeks because I had to keep stopping to curse and cry "NOOOOO" to the uncaring heavens. I stopped and flipped through the rest of the books checking chapter titles in a vain search for comfort. I NEVER do that. I haven't watched the series yet and how will I bear seeing those characters, knowing what will happen to them? I needed someone to hold me and my cats didn't care. So, ((hugs)) to you Mark. You have to keep reading. You have to.

    • knut_knut says:

      *hug* :'(

    • monkeybutter says:

      <img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqtor1VLt81r2x4vko9_r1_500.gif"&gt;

      I'm so sorry, Mark. We all get to that point and it sucks. I reread ASOS a couple of months ago, and I had a knot in my stomach the entire time knowing what was gonna happen. Lots of people have to take a break at this point.

    • doesntsparkle says:

      Oh no. That was the point where I was glad that I bought a physical copy of the book so I could throw it across the room.

      Jrypbzr gb Serl ungrqbz. Vg'f nyy gubfr eng onfgneqf ner tbbq sbe.

      • CynicalNymph says:

        ASOS epilogue spoilers:

        Lbh xabj, rira gubhtu V ungr gurz nyy, gur rcvybthr vf fgvyy gebhoyvat naq perrcl nf uryy!!

        V guvax vg'f vyyhfgengvir bs bar bs gur zbfg pbzcryyvat nfcrpgf bs gurfr obbxf naq punenpgref. Jr xabj gur Oebgureubbq Jvgubhg Onaaref naq sbe gur zbfg cneg jr yvxr gurz. Jr xabj gurl unir tbbq vagragvbaf gbjneq gur fznyysbyx naq jr xabj gung, rira vs gurl jrer tbvat gb enafbz Neln, gurl qvq frrz gb pner nobhg ure naq qvq ng yrnfg unir n Ebova Ubbq guvat tbvat ba. Fb gur pbyq-oybbqrq jnl gurl unatrq gubfr gjb Serlf? *fuviref*

        • doesntsparkle says:

          Maybe I'm a horrible person, ohg V ernyyl jnag gur Serlf gb fhssre. V'ir chg hc jvgu fb zhpu fhssrevat sebz gur punenpgref gung V ybir, V jnag gur gur punenpgref V ungr gb fhssre zber.
          Sbe rknzcyr: Wbsserl'f qrngu jnfa'g arneyl nf tehrfbzr nf V jnagrq vg gb or.

    • CynicalNymph says:

      Oh, Mark. (((hugs)))

      Looking at the time stamp on this, I think you and I reached that part about a day apart. It's just… horror. But hey! Now ya know you got at least one prediction right! *hums Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life* *whistles*

    • klmnumbers says:

      Lol keep reading. There is no apex of terrible/horrible in these books. EVERYTHING JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE, MARK. I expect the 7th book to end with the Apocalypse.

    • takashid says:

      oh man, there's only one "that" part. the point that made me very nearly drop the series. Many hugs for you Mark!!!

  32. Just make sure you have someone to hold you. Also, keep a new keyboard in reserve because I predict a lot of keyboard mashing. Remember, we all love you 🙂

  33. barnswallowkate says:

    I just finished ACOK (haha, a cok, hahahaha) on my iPhone (oww, my vision) and I have predictions! I guess they are sort of for the whole series?

    1. Sansa will kill Joffrey. PLEASE I don't think there's anything more I want in the entire world.
    2. Arya and Gendry will get together when she is old enough (FAR FROM NOW in other words).
    3. Arya will be reunited with at least one family member in this book (I hope? Nymeria would count).
    4. Arya will live for all time and never die because I love her.
    5. Dany's dragons will kick lots of ass all over the place (probably not in ASOS).
    6. Rickon will become Theon 2.0. I just feel there's the malignant menacing feeling underneath his little tantrums, and his direwolf is super cranky. It can't end well.
    7. Bran will become a wolf full-time.
    8. Jon will be King Beyond The Wall? IDK what is going to happen with him.

    My predictions are significantly less inventive than Mark's…

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