Mark Re-Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’: Chapter 15

In the fifteenth chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Hermione, Harry, and Neville are filled with shame over being caught out of bed, and Gryffindor suffers because of their actions. So, in return, they’re forced to serve the most fucked up detention of all time. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to re-read Harry Potter.


Okay, perhaps I should have read chapter fifteen first before ending my last review with the statement that I’m glad that the main characters faced punishment. I had forgotten just how brutal the first part of this chapter is. Rowling’s got some of her best writing in the first few pages; you can feel the tangible sense of fear and shame in these characters. You can sense the dread that hangs over Professor McGonagall’s study. And then when Neville arrives? Well, it just becomes downright sad. Poor Neville! He was only trying to help his friends.

Once they lost 150 points from Gryffindor’s total (150!!!!!!!!), I realized something I’d not thought of the first time: DUDE. HAGRID. Why on earth are you not stepping in to tell McGonagall what really happened? I didn’t pick up on this at all. Hagrid, these kids are getting 50 points taken from their House EACH, and they have to face detention, and it’s all because you kept a dragon around. This is technically your fault! I think that Rowling had to get Harry into that forest, and I don’t complain one second about it because I love it so much. Still, Hagrid, bro. BRO. You should have looked out for Harry, Hermione, and Neville!

I had no idea at this point that the idea of Harry Potter’s fame would be OBLITERATED in the next book, so reading how he became the scorn of the school for sneaking around at night is fascinating to me. I don’t think it’s foreshadowing so much as a neat parallel of what is to come. Even though Harry hadn’t done much of anything to gain this attention, he still has to deal with it. And it’s particularly harsh because another Slytherin victory seems imminent. (The Slytherin house isn’t developed much in this book, is it? I’m pretty sure I thought it was house full of evil bullies at this point.) (Also, can we talk about sorting non-HP characters into houses? I’m becoming more and more obsessed with it.) (No, seriously, Dana Scully is so fucking Ravenclaw that it hurts my heart. Then sometimes I think Fox Mulder is a combination between a Hufflepuff and a Gryffindor, but you couldn’t make me choose, so I’ll just say he’s a Gryffinpuff.) (Did you know that the other day, I actually experienced a brief pang of anxiety at the thought that Pottermore might sort be into a house that’s not Ravenclaw? I have only Ravenclaw mercy. Is that the definitive Sorting Hat now?) (Wait, I have another stray thought: Is the Sorting Hat a Legilimen? Techinically, isn’t it?!?!?!) (If I had to sort the Doctor Who characters right now, I’d stick River in Slytherin, Rory in Hufflepuff, Amy in Gryffindor, and Eleven in a miss-mash between Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin, as he may be the only person on the face of the fucking planet whose personality and qualities somehow eclipse into all four houses.) (Admittedly, I think of Eleven as a Hufflepuff almost purely because of Matt Smith’s obsession with badgers, and I don’t think you can take that away from me.) (My mom’s a Slytherin. I don’t think I’ll tell her that.) (My brother is definitely way more of a Gryffindor than I am. And he’s my twin! That’s pretty cool.) (The cookies I just ate were definitely Hufflepuffs.)

Next second, Quirrell came hurrying out of the classroom straightening his turban.

HARRY, HE IS IN THE FUCKING TURBAN oh my god i love this book.

“Go to Dumbledore. That’s what we should have done ages ago.”

Hermione, you literally have no idea what’s about to come. If only you’d used your Time-Turner to go back to this moment and assault Ron and Harry so that the memory of your bit of advice would be etched permanently into their memory. Because they should have gone to Dumbledore every single time. Well, except the time Dumbledore wasn’t there. Or the time he was there, listened, and then didn’t do anything because he was trying to stay distant from Harry, and then Sirius died, and then I sobbed for like a week straight.

But let’s talk about detention. I luckily never had to attend detention once in my entire schooling career. That doesn’t mean I don’t know anything about it. And I know that detention ranged from the mundane and banal to, very rarely, something a little more severe. And I know I expressed shock at the idea that their detention would be in the Forbidden Forest, but I sort of didn’t care because I just wanted to see what was in the forest more than anything. Now that I know more about it (AND I LOVE THE FORBIDDEN FOREST give me a book about that too), I can fully reflect on what this scene means:

HOLY FUCK WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DETENTION IS THIS????? Hey kids, you snuck out of bed at night. Go track down a unicorn murderer in a forest so full of mysterious creatures that no one actually knows what is there, and while you’re at it, you should definitely split up so that only one group has an adult with them. I mean, yes, it’s rather amazing, but I never stopped to think how utterly absurd this is. Maybe this is just a thing that the professors think about? Can you imagine that? Maybe they sit up the staff room and come up with one terrifying, trauma-inducing punishment, and when the worst student does the worst thing possible that year, they convene and agree to release the terror upon them. Because, again, GO FIND THE UNICORN MURDERER FOR US. Thanks! (Yes, I realize that they’re just supposed to find the unicorn itself, but you are basically setting yourself up to confront the thing that killed it.

Enough shenaniganry. I love the Forbidden Forest, and I will forever refuse to take that back. First of all, it’s the debut of Malfoy using his only good line: MY FATHER SHALL HEAR ABOUT THIS. Oh, you rich, privileged little shit. Why didn’t Volde-Quirrell eat you alive and suck your blood in the forest? Okay, that’s a bit harsh, but I just remembered when Malfoy breaks Harry’s nose and covers him with his Invisibility Cloak and leaves him to bleed out on the Hogwarts Express. I am not feeling particularly sympathetic right at this very moment.

But I’m distracting myself from the awesome that is the Forbidden Forest. It both creeps me out and fascinates me. I of course want to see more, but I’m sure I also would have peed myself multiple times. Have I ever told the story of how I peed myself just a little bit while playing video games? I swear I put that on my Tumblr. I should do that soon. Anyway, I still find the end of this chapter to be unsettling, and the introduction of the centaurs and their senseless rambling about prophecy contributed to that. Is it ever explicitly stated what the centaurs “see” here? Is it the return of Voldemort? Or something more horrible concerning Harry? Firenze hopes that he’s read the planets wrongly; does Harry change the prophecy by stopping Voldemort’s return? I actually like that idea because I love characters either destroying or defying the concept of “destiny,” even if they do so without knowing they do.

For real, though: Children read this book where Voldemort drank the blood of a unicorn in front of Malfoy and Harry. That is horrifying. It causes the whole chapter to erupt into chaos: Firenze saves Harry and then pretty much hands him the “answer” to the mystery. Voldemort is returning, and he’s trying to get to the Sorcerer’s Stone in order to have eternal life. Of course, Harry thinks Snape is behind this, and the irony is not lost on me. I wonder what this is like for Snape; his old master nearly returns at the end of this novel. Does he legitimately suspect that Quirrell has something to do with it, or is there some other reason for his suspicion of Quirrell?

Oh god, the trapdoor chapter is next. YES. YES.

About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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282 Responses to Mark Re-Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’: Chapter 15

  1. Danielle says:

    Speaking of Pottermore, is it safe to assume you haven't gotten your owl yet? I've been avoiding commenting on these because I was afraid of being spoiler-y. And I'm not sure if there is any sort of confidentiality thing for the pottermore beta, but I would love to see your reaction to certain pieces of information on there…maybe you could do a special Mark Reads when you do?

    (Also, here's hoping you get into Ravenclaw!)

  2. @GalFawkes says:

    This is Hagrid's major flaw – the man means well, but…he has no sense of discretion at all and he drops the ball on a lot. It's kind of irritating.
    As for sorting non-HP characters:

    Firefly: River and Simon and Inara are Ravenclaws. Mal, Zoe, and Jayne are Slytherins. Kaylee and Wash are Hufflepuffs.

    The Hunger Games: Katniss, Coin, Snow, Johanna, Thresh, Enobaria, and Finnick are all Slytherins. I'd say the vast majority of Victors would be Slytherin. Beetee and Annie and Portia are Ravenclaw. Gale and Cinna are Gryffindor. Prim, Peeta, Rue, and Mrs. Everdeen are Hufflepuffs.

    BSG: Vast majority of characters would be Slytherin, I think.

  3. enigmaticagentscully says:

    LOL at sorting people into houses, I do it all the time. Like, I'm reading Game of Thrones atm and literally this book is full of Slytherins.

    I also have to say, I heaved a HUGE sigh of relief when Pottermore sorted me into Ravenclaw!
    We're Ravenclawsome!

    • cait0716 says:

      ASOIAF has a fair amount of Gryffindors too, mostly the Starks. And I think the maesters would mostly end up in Ravenclaw. But yeah, tons of Slytherins. I suppose they're the sort who would be attracted to a war over the crown. Are there any Hufflepuffs, though?

      As near as I can tell, the sorting hat on Pottermore seems to have a random aspect to it. Or an equalizer of sorts to keep the sizes of the various houses fairly even, at least in the beta version. I have friends whose sorting makes absolutely no sense, and I kind of hope we can redo it when the beta period is over. I mean, I shouldn't complain about Gryffindor, but I've pretty much always been sorted into Ravenclaw before this.

      The wand choosing seemed far more accurate to me, possibly because they have no need to keep those categories even

      • enigmaticagentscully says:

        I see maybe Sansa as a Hufflepuff? Since she's loyal and kind rather than clever or ambitious.
        And Samwell Tarly is the Hufflepuffiest ever.

        • cait0716 says:

          I dunno, Hufflepuff's are "unafraid of toil" and Sam's afraid of *everything* ๐Ÿ™‚

          Actually, they do both make sense as Hufflepuffs. I was kind of thinking Varys, too. But I think he might come down more on the Slytherin side of things.

          • enigmaticagentscully says:

            Varys and Littlefinger are definitely both Slytherins!

            • FlameRaven says:

              Littlefinger, yes. Varys, I'm not sure about. Slytherin is largely about personal ambition, which Varys is not really into. His whole goal is to keep the kingdom from falling apart; it's really not his fault that Eddard is Lawful Stupid and doesn't heed his good advice. :/

              Now, cunning, yes, both of them have that, but again, I think Littlefinger uses his cunning much more for personal gain, especially as the series goes on, whereas Varys really doesn't care about his personal status. Actually, as the spy master, his job is only possible when he is as unnoticed as he can be.

              • enigmaticagentscully says:

                Hmmm interesting…
                I have to say, I've only read the first book so far, so my views are a bit subjective at this point.
                Poor Ned really is Lawful Stupid though. I spent a lot of the book yelling at him.

                • FlameRaven says:

                  He so is. I mean, I understand he doesn't want the murder of children on his hands, but STILL. Eddard, your poor decisions are going to result in a civil war that will kill so many people, was it really worth sparing three kids for that?

                  That was the problem with Eddard. He's a fantastic leader and administrator, which is why he does so well holding the North. But he absolutely cannot play politics and it was a terrible idea to bring him to court. I don't blame Robert for asking him, though. He needed someone trustworthy at his side in that bed of snakes. D:

              • cait0716 says:

                These were my thoughts as well. Varys' sorting would be interesting.

                • FlameRaven says:

                  Going with D&D again, I think Varys would probably be Chaotic Good. He is ultimately working to keep the realm together and stable, but sometimes his methods are… questionable or very obscured. Like, you know, that spoiler for Book 5.

                  • cait0716 says:

                    I never knew that chaotic – lawful and good-evil grid came from D&D (nerd fail). I like that better for assessing people too, though. Seems a bit more inclusive.

                • xpanasonicyouthx says:

                  Varys can be in the house of My Best Friend. because GOOD GOD do i love him.

          • monkeybutter says:

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            I dunno, he reminds me so much of Neville, like he says he's craven afraid, but he can usually be counted upon. I think he'd be a Gryffinpuff, and weirdo in any house.

      • knut_knut says:

        Jon could be a Hufflepuff! Ur’f tbbq ng svaqvat guvatf, zvahf uvf ovegu zbgure

        • cait0716 says:

          Jon's so Gryffindor it hurts. I mean all the chivarly and honor and bravery he's always going on about. Really it's the chivalry though. ASOS spoilers: Uvf vagrenpgvbaf jvgu Ltevggr qebir zr hc n jnyy, rkprcg gung fur jnf nyjnlf gurer gb fznpx fbzr frafr vagb uvz.

          • knut_knut says:

            It’s that look on Kit Harington’s face that makes me think Hufflepuff. Poor thing is so confused. ASoS spoilers: Gunax tbq sbe Ltevggr! Ure pngpucuenfr jnf FBBBBB boabkvbhf, ohg fbzrbar arrqrq gb fznpx fbzr frafr vagb Wba. Jr arrq zber jvyqyvat jbzra crevbq.

            • cait0716 says:

              Continuing ASOS spoilers: V ybir ure pngpucuenfr! Bapr vg jnf rfgnoyvfurq, V jnf fnlvat vg va zl urnq rira va fprarf fur jnfa'g va. V xvaq bs qvqa'g yvxr Wba sbe zbfg bs guvf obbx (hagvy ur jnf gbgnyyl njrfbzr qrsraqvat gur jnyy naq V sryy va ybir jvgu uvz ntnva). Naq gura V rkgraq vg gb bgure anvir/vtabenag punenpgref V qvfnterr jvgu.

              • knut_knut says:

                spoilers continued: Va trareny V’z abg n sna bs TEEZ’f pngpucuenfrf :/ V qba’g zvaq gur cuenfrf ba gurve bja (V yvxr fnlvat “Lbh xabj abguvat, _______”! Vg’f fb hfrshy!) ohg gurl’er hfrq n yvggyr gbb bsgra sbe zl gnfgr. Vs bayl TEEZ unq fpnyrq vg onpx n ovg vg jbhyq unir orra cresrpg!

        • monkeybutter says:

          So wrong, but I laughed. I agree with Caito, he's Gryffindor to the extreme. Any Stark who constantly asks themselves WWND? is one.

      • nanceoir says:

        Yeah, the Pottermore Sorting keep the house much, much too even to be "accurate." I mean, yes, I may have what I like to call an existential crisis over my Pottermore Sorting ("omg who am I? WHAT DON'T I KNOW ABOUT MYSELF?!"). And then I looked at the numbers and got all suspicious.

        Then, someone on my Hogwarts site was talking about her two friends who apparently got the same Sorting questions, gave the same answers, and got Sorted into different houses, and I'm all side-eying the technological wizardry involved in the Pottermore Sorting.

        I've reached a pretty Zen point about it now, though. It's just another internet personality quiz. I've got enough confidence in myself to know which house I belong in. One online quiz isn't going to change where my heart lies.

        (One of the funny things, though, is that on my Hogwarts site, so many of our Gryffindors were Sorted into Hufflepuff. Like, half their Quidditch team (including their captain and Deputy Head of House). Then again, the Hufflepuff Quidditch co-captain and Deputy Head of House got Sorted into Gryffindor, so maybe a cultural exchange is in order? ;))

        • monkeybutter says:

          I think there has been an attempt to even things out because there were sooooo many Ravenclaws at the beginning, but I'm also wondering if wand answers play any role in your sorting.

        • JessicaR says:

          I was really suspicious of the sorting in Pottermore. I’m in Gryffindor and yes, when I was younger I’ve always wanted to be in this house because c’mon, Harry is in it! But later on, I realized I’m more of a Ravenclaw. Now I’m highly conflicted. Am I in Gryffindor because I truly should be or because the guys in Pottermore decided Gryffindor needs one more person because it’s not on par with the population of the other houses??!! Oh-em-gee! Identity crisis alert! lol

      • Saber says:

        Ned Stark is a Hufflepuff. Good and loyal and true.

        Robert is 100% Gyffindor

    • plunderb says:

      Did you hear about Evanna Lynch (the actress who plays Luna) getting sorted into Gryffindor by Pottermore? It took her a while to accept it.

    • @threeparts says:

      I have been sad for weeks that I was sorted into Slytherin instead of Ravenclaw. Broke my damn heart.

  4. enigmaticagentscully says:

    Also, Assistant Director Skinner is a Gryffindor. No arguments.

    • hpfish13 says:

      I'm excited to start understanding X-Files references because I recently started watching the show (I think I'm on episode 6 or so)!

      • enigmaticagentscully says:

        Just sayin'.

        • xpanasonicyouthx says:

          No, it really is. My favorite show of all time. My friend is on season seven now, and reliving it through her is so fun.

          • Saphling says:

            You mean…. you're reliving your first time to watch it vicariously, through someone else's first, unspoiled watch-through of the show? (none of us are here and over on Mark Watches doing that exact thing, noooo)

            …. But this is even better, because now it's Mark Watches A Friend Watch X-Files. ๐Ÿ˜€

        • hpfish13 says:

          It interesting (just in watching the first few episodes) how the internet in its current form would have changed the nature of this show. The internet and computers as a source of information has so dramatically changed the way current procedural-type shows work.

  5. Ryan Lohner says:

    I'd forgotten that it took this long for them to figure out about Voldemort, and until now this was basically just a fun little kids' story about stopping a guy from getting his hands on ill-gotten riches. This may be the series' first instance of Growing the Beard (which would be full by the time of Prisoner of Azkaban).

  6. cait0716 says:

    Very entertaining review, Mark.

    I love the Forbidden Forest. Centaurs! Unicorns! Voldemort!

    One of my favorite things about this series is how Rowling just throws every single magical creature in there all matter of fact. To quote your first review of the Diagon Alley chapter, it's all real!

  7. Pixie says:

    First, I think the “worst detention ever” title goes to Dolores Umbridge. Just saying.

    Also, I’m pretty sure Snape could either use Legilimency to figure it was Quirrel, or because of his Dark Mark he could make a pretty good guess with Voldy’s ~presence~ or whatever. Perhaps a combination of both, really; it’s not until book five that Voldy even figures out Harry has been in his head, so it’s possible Snape could, too – just not from as great a distance.

    ^ Purely opinion and speculation, of course. ^

    • enigmaticagentscully says:

      Well, he does say to Bellatrix at the beginning of Half Blood prince that 'I saw only greedy and unworthy Quirrel attempting to steal the stone'. It's possible that he was lying in order to cover up his true allegiance, but in this case I think Snape was telling the truth – he didn't actually know that Quirrel had Voldy under his turban, he was just keeping an eye on him under Dumbledore's orders because they suspected something was amiss.
      I'm sure if Dumbledore or Snape had actually known Voldemort was right there in that weakened state, they would have done something about it.

    • xpanasonicyouthx says:

      Oh shit, okay. Yes, Umbridge does get "Worst Detention Ever."

    • In DH during 'The Prince's Tale', there's a scene with Dumbledore were he tells Snape "to keep a eye on Quirrell".

  8. SS2Dante says:

    Pretty sure the Centaurs see the Second Wizarding War coming (Mars – the god of War – is referenced a few times throughout the books). One of them states in…book 5?…that they know wizards are in a gap between two wars.

    Mars is bright tonight…

  9. _Sparkie_ says:

    This whole post makes me want to go: Bless you Mark! ๐Ÿ˜€

  10. HieronymusGrbrd says:

    Slytherin observation Nr. 8 (In case you wonder where the other Slytherin Observations are):

    Slytherins taunt Harry for helping them to win the House Cup. Again I have to wonder: All Slytherins? The cravats and scarfs in house colours shown in the movies were never mentioned in the books. So, if Harry meets some random students in a corridor and they are not mean to him, would he remember to have seen them at the Slytherin table?

    Also, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs turn on Harry, because everybody had been longing to see Slytherin lose the house cup. Does this show us that all other houses hate Slytherin? Or is it simply because no student at Hogwarts remembers a Year’s End Feast where the Great Hall was not decorated in green and silver and it’s just boring to have to see this again regardless of whose colours these are? How would Ravenclaws (or Hufflepuffs) react if Hufflepuff (or Ravenclaw) had won the House Cup for six consecutive years and Harry had ruined their chance to see a change?

    Let’s face it: The main reason to have houses and a competition for a House Cup is discipline. In theory, no student will allow any house mate to do any rule-breaking because this may result in a loss of points for their house. We have seen this at work when Hermione tried to stop Harry and Ron on their way to the Midnight Duell, and we will see it again when Neville tries to stop Harry, Ron and Hermione on their way through the trap-door. If somebody manages to escape this control mechanism and then is caught breaking the rules, the reactions of house mates and other students add to and are probably worse than any official punishment. This is no sign of evil, it is the behaviour you expect when you use a house system.

    (There is a second reason to have houses: In theory, we would also expect that anybody who is good on a specific topic would try to help their house mates with their homework in a non-cheating way, to increase their knowledge and skills and chances to win some points for their house. We only see a glimpse of this when Hermione beta-reads her friends homework, but never allows them to copy her work, because “how would they learn from this?”).

    Sorting by personality may not be the best of all choices, but isn’t fandoms’ obsession with sorting sites telling? A second-quarter-of-the-alphabet-house would be quite boring, and randomly being sorted into a house with a made-up name that doesn’t relate to you wouldn’t be much better. Also, as far as I could see up to this point, the Slytherin personality is not generally bad, like the Gryffindor personality is not generally good. Just think of the negative connotations of daring (“how dare you!”) and nerve.

    There are no more Slytherin Observations for this book, but if Mark ever re-reads “Harry Potter and the Chamber od Secrets”, we will have to talk about Millicent Bullstrode and Salazar Slytherin.

    Shameless advertising:

    If you liked the “Slytherin Observations” and you don’t like to wait for Mark re-reading “Harry Potter and the Chamber od Secrets” consider to come to the new Harry Potter Lexicon Forum . If you go from the main page to “Harry Potter Books and Characters”, you will find a “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s / Sorcerer’s Stone Read Along” where I’m reposting the “Slytherin Observations”.

    There may (just may) also be a “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Read Along” in the near future. (You probably should read all twentysomething posts on the existing thread to understand what happend there. Quite low traffic. I would like to see more commenters, but make sure you understand the site’s family-friendly policy before you register and post.)

    • Sarah S says:

      I've taken the stance (ignoring the whole JKR grew up with houses so it's normal to her argument, that doesn't explain *within the context of the series*) that the house sorting deals with two issues of boarding school administration. The first, as you mentioned, is discipline. The other is to deal with the roommates issue. Even those of us without bad memories of roommates from college or whatever can recall seeing The Roommate of Doom on some tv show or other.

      Sorting allows the school to make sure that the kids who will get along are put into the same places and the ones who won't, won't be sharing living space. In fact, I expect that the sorting was originally also invented so that the Founders, acting in loco parentis as boarding school teachers must, would each wind up being the 'parent' for the kids they would best cope with and understand. So the sorting was instituted to act like those quizzes they have now about personality and habits for dorm assignments at university.

      At least, that's what I think.

      • notemily says:

        I like this theory. School houses do have a completely different meaning when you have to live and sleep with your housemates in addition to having class with them.

        • notemily says:

          Well, uh, not SLEEP WITH your housemates. Except in fanfic.

          • Kirinleaf says:

            For me, this ties in to the possibly-for-equal-numbers sorting on Pottermore. Because looking at Hogwarts, numbers in each house (from the info we're given) seem pretty even there too. And from a practical point of view, this is the only way it could be done – for viable living/sleeping/class/competition arrangements, you'd just about have to have an even spread of student over the four houses. So if a student were borderline, say, Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw, and Ravenclaw numbers looked low, perhaps the hat would put her or him there?

  11. Inseriousity. says:

    Snape only suspects quirrel cos dumbledore's like "nah I'd rather be munching my way through my sherbet lemons, keep an eye on him for me please."

    As for horrible detentions, it's funny how this is pretty much, excluding Umbridge, the only really horrible one. Walking round school at night = going into forbidden forest. Next year, fly a car all the way to Hogwarts from London. Harry writes fanmail and Ron does seem cleaning. LOL

  12. knut_knut says:

    Would Hagrid have been fined or sent off to Azkaban if he admitted to trying to raise a dragon? I don’t think McGonagall would turn him in but if faced with the possibility of going to Azkaban again, I would definitely let 3 children take the blame. Sorry, I have no desire to hang out with Dementors. Plus, they only lose house points, it’s not like they lose THEIR SOUL.

    (What are these Hufflepuff cookies you ate? Are they good? I think Hufflepuffs would make wonderful cookies, mostly because they sound fluffly and badgers remind me of honey and honey is delicious)

    Mark, I am so jealous of your lack of detention. I got detention the FIRST DAY of middle school because I forgot to bring index cards to French class. SO TRAUMATIC. That was the first and only time I ever cried over anything school related. Anyway, this is the point where my dad decided he was officially done with Harry Potter FOREVER because he just couldn’t understand why a school would place kids in such dangerous situations. Granted, he is right, Hogwarts is ridiculously dangerous, but it's so magical!!

    • cait0716 says:

      I never got detention, but it was such a weird thing at my school. I lived in a rural area, ten miles from the schools I attended, and the county didn't have enough money to run the buses twice for kids who got detention and had to stay late. So the school compromised by putting detention on Saturday morning at 7, but your parents had to get you there. And there were plenty of parents who simply refused, sort of a "why should I be punished for something my kid did" attitude. Even if I had gotten detention, I doubt I would have gone.

      • knut_knut says:

        Would you be punished if your parents didn’t drive you in on Saturday? In middle school detentions were before school, but there was no super special bus so you had to be driven in by your parents. If you didn’t show up you just got more detentions until your teacher and your parents finally hashed things out -_- In high school detentions were in the afternoon and there was a special afternoon bus to take you home. I think in middle school the administration wanted your parents involved, though- they ran afternoon buses for kids who had afterschool activities so they could have held detention then. In hs, if your parents worked, you could get a detention and they’d never know.

        • cait0716 says:

          The middle and high school had the same bus. I already had to get up at 5:30 to catch the bus at 6:15 and get to middle/high school by 7:30 for class (the joys of rural areas). I'm not sure waking up earlier would have been possible Technically you get another detention if you missed one, so they started adding up. But there was just no way to enforce it if the parents refused.

          We also didn't really have after school activities. There were sports in high school, but you had to arrange your own transportation home.

          • monkeybutter says:

            Didn't you guys have lunch detentions? Or were after-school detentions reserved for more serious crimes?

            I got two lunch detentions in middle school. Once for chewing gum (15 minutes) and once for hysterical giggling (a whole lunch period). I couldn't help it! Once I get started laughing, I can't stop!

            • cait0716 says:

              No. They couldn't deny students food and we weren't allowed to have food anywhere other than the cafetorium.

              • monkeybutter says:

                Oh, cafetorium. They didn't deny us food, just the ability to eat with our friends. Unless they were also in trouble for laughing.

            • knut_knut says:

              UUUUUUUGH LUNCH DETENTIONS. I don’t think I ever got one, but the teachers HATED them because who wants to have lunch with an obnoxious kid you just spent an entire class with? No thank you. I’m pretty sure I got one other detention in my ~academic career~ and it was for something ridiculous AGAIN. I think I forgot to bring a pen to class and I only had pencils. The teacher couldn’t just lend me one? -_-

              • monkeybutter says:

                Okay, that's really petty. I'm sure our teachers hated them, too, but it's not like they wanted to hang around after school. Plus, everyone had after-school activities.

                I forgot to mention in my first post that my laughing detention was in French class. French teachers are really quick on the detention trigger!

                • knut_knut says:

                  I HATED French class at the time, but looking back the classes were always really unintentionally entertaining. French teachers are a special breed <3

                  • theanagrace says:

                    I got a detention in French for not doing my homework, along with 4 other people. The other girl and I showed up, the three boys didn't, and then the teacher showed up 20 minutes late. He told us we had to copy out the class rules and hand it in to him the next day. The boys never got punished for not showing up, and the teacher never asked us to hand in the punishment. It was so pointless!

        • Mauve_Avenger says:

          I got a day of in-school suspension for not being able to go to a detention. =/ (Though I will say that they shortened it to half a day because of "good behavior" or something like that.)

          A wonderful but strict first-hour teacher plus the weird morning bus policy at my high school meant that I got detention for the very first time early in my junior year. (For some reason, it didn't count as an *excusable tardy* if your bus was pulling into the drive just as the bell rang; maybe they thought we could teleport to class?).

          The detention wouldn't have been a problem if the high school weren't split into two campuses over ten miles away from each other with a heavily congested area in between, with afternoon detentions (the only ones I could possibly get to without hiring a taxi) being on the other campus. So instead of taking my normal bus home, I took a shuttle bus to the other campus only to find that the detention room doors locked about five minutes after the end of the school day. So no detention, and no way to get home unless I could find someone I knew to drive me, which I eventually did.

          So instead I got ISS. One day, eventually reduced to half a day. For the combination of being late to class all-told less than five minutes and not being able to drive. And then, if I remember correctly, I got another detention soon after that for another minute or so of tardiness, and the only way for me to actually get to the detention to avoid ISS was for my dad to take off work early and call me out of my last class about half an hour before the end of the school day to drive me to the other campus. Makes all kinds of sense.


          • cait0716 says:

            That sucks. I hated teachers who would go on power trips like that, sticking to the letter of the law instead of the spirit. We had a late-start day one day and my bus simply didn't come (I guess the driver didn't get the memo), so I just didn't go to school. Luckily there were enough students that the school wrote the absence off as excused.

            My school may have done the in school suspension thing for missed detentions, but I didn't really pay very close attention to the policy.

          • knut_knut says:

            I never understood why students would get in trouble when their buses were late. It's not like you tried to take down your bus because you wanted to be late to school!

    • Laura says:

      I don't think there's any question that Hagrid could have been fired for violating wizarding law on Hogwarts grounds. To him, being banned from Hogwarts would have been the worst thing imaginable. (Heck, *I* don't even want to think about its effect on him.)

      Can't blame him in the slightest for letting the kids lose some freakin' house points. Big whoop.

  13. enigmaticagentscully says:

    Also, we are clearly soulmates Mark, because I never got detention either.
    So I don't actually know what it's like. As far as I know, maybe you DO have to go and hunt down supernatural murderers in creepy dark forests. Our school did have a forbidden forest, sort of. Actually it was just a little wood over the street, and it was only forbidden because we were an all girls school and flashers liked to hang out in there. I don't remember anyone having to seek out flashers for detention, but I do remember one girl belting a guy in the nuts with her umbrella when he flashed her on her way to school. We all had a good laugh about that for a few weeks afterwards.

  14. GGG says:

    Does he legitimately suspect that Quirrell has something to do with it, or is there some other reason for his suspicion of Quirrell?

    I think he does suspect Quirrell, as does Dumbledore. We got that answered in DH, in Prince's Tale. I dont have that book in front of me but i recall that Dumledore tells Snape 'Keep an eye on Quirrell, will you?' or something very similar. I dont think its only because Quirrell is strange and weak, they must have some info about his trip to Albania.

  15. May I have Hufflepuff cookies please and thank you?
    My only detention was from French class too, the teacher thought I was talking while she was talking -but it wasn't even me! I cried many tears that day.
    I love how scary this chapter is! I relish being frightened when I am safe on my sofa! Why has using the word relish made me hungry?
    By the way, is anyone else reading the original review before reading each Re-Reads review? Such fun.

    • knut_knut says:

      YOU TOO? What is with French class and detentions??!!

      • I know right? Reading your French class incident above reminded me of mine. I cried as though I would never be one of the good students again … I was forever now 'other'. That doesn't make sense but I'm really craving chocolate brownies and we still haven't learned what a Hufflepuff cookie is?
        Another French class incident! My teacher moved me from a table near the back of the classroom to a table in front of her so she could see my chatty friends better. What!? Couldn't she just have moved them? She only explained this to me at the end of the lesson after I had spent 30 minutes crying at the injustice in the world because I thought I was in trouble. That was me at 13 years old.

        • barnswallowkate says:

          Oh my god I also cried the one time I got detention for the same reasons. Except by then I was probably like 15. I just tied so much of my identity to being A Good Girl Who Follows Rules!

          • School is evil because it makes children cry!
            I was exactly the same – I was defined by my Good Girl Who Follows Rules aspects until I was 18. Then I went to uni and became the Girl Who Sleeps Through Morning Lectures Without Fail.

        • knut_knut says:

          Aww, your fear of forever being an “other” reminds me of the Lizzie McGuire episode when she gets detention and starts wearing a false nose ring. For me, it was the shame of having to tell my parents that did me in ๐Ÿ™ They STILL bring it up at family gatherings too! But mostly because they took my detention as a sign that I was DOOMED TO FAIL AT LIFE

          • Gosh darn it! Why didn't I take the opportunity to get a fake nose ring? Or a fake tattoo? Or worn blue mascara (which many of my friends for some reason wore).
            No one else cared at all about my detention except me because my perfect record was FOREVER SULLIED. In fact, everyone found it riotously funny that I was so upset about it!

  16. Maya says:

    Oh my god, Rory is such the definition of a Hufflepuff. Like, anyone who every doubts that Hufflepuff is an awesome House to be in just needs to look at Rory Williams and then they'd be all "YES WE'RE SORRY RORY IS THE SHIT WE ADMIT IT."

    Also, one of my friends posted this which he found on tumblr somewhere:

    <img src=""/&gt;

    Wouldn't Hagrid go to jail for having a dragon? Maybe that's why he didn't speak up? Honestly, I don't think he necessarily thought of it, and letting McGonagall KNOW that they were sneaking out a dragon might make everything even worse.

  17. vivelabagatel says:

    <img src="; alt="The Ninth, Tenth and Eleventh Doctors as Claw, Gryff and Puff." width="431" height="700" />

    • saphling says:

      Gotta have a Slytherin 12th Doctor, then! ๐Ÿ˜€

      • VicarPants says:

        I'd say Eleven in The Girl Who Waited definitely gets a Slytherin day-pass.

      • Starsea28 says:

        Seven's a Slytherin Doctor. Through and through. Trust me.

        This is his companion on his behaviour: "You know what's going on, don't you? You've always known, but you didn't tell me. It's like it's some kind of game and only you know the rules!"

    • Elexus Calcearius says:

      The thing about all the Doctors, is I think its too difficult to sort them into houses. Normally I'd think that Nine had more slytherin like aspects than the others, except both Ten and Eleven could become very dark and manipulative. And they're all clever enough to be Ravenclaw. And they're all frakking brave. (I'll admit that Eleven has the most Huffepuff).

  18. monkeybutter says:

    Were those cookies meringues? Because they are the Hufflepuffiest of cookies. I'd say they're more Hufflepuff than cookie.

    As for sorting everything and everyone, yes. Constantly. Ever since Pottermore was announced, it's been a compulsion. One of my cats is a Hufflepuff and the other is a Slytherin (in the snotty way, not the evil way). I've been marathoning Breaking Bad, and oh boy, there are Slytherins everywhere. Don't be fooled by Marie's love of purple: huge Slytherin.

    Don't worry about sorting, Mark. The answers are pretty obvious if you think about them, so you should be able to get the house you want. You should really answer honestly, though, and if you don't get Ravenclaw, you can always make another account in October. Just don't abandon your account (not that you're the type who would), because the stories of Hufflepuffs abandoning theirs make me sad. I hope you get your email soon!

    Oh, wait, we're talking about a book ๐Ÿ™‚ Yeah, sending a bunch of 11 and 12-year-olds out into the Forbidden Forest to look for someone who would kill unicorns, the most heinous act ever, is not very good judgment. This is probably why there are so few wizards. Yeah, Malfoy's a yellow-haired shit, but his antics are hilarious when you remember how his story ends: punched by Ron, cowering with mummy and daddy, and finally, balding and sad looking with an oddly named son.

    btw, in my head canon, Scorpius is nothing like his father, and he and Rose date just to make their dads' heads asplode.

    • knut_knut says:

      I think Albus Severus gives Scorpius a run for his money in the bad name department. Poor child.

      AHAHA I like your Scorpius/Rose idea! Their wedding would end in a full out duel

    • Maya says:

      Oh god yes Scorpius/Rose. I love them.

    • hpfish13 says:

      Yay for Scorpius/Rose! This is my favorite new(er) ship!

    • stefb says:

      I ship Rose/Scorpius so hard.

    • stellaaaaakris says:

      Agree with your whole post. I've sorted everybody I know in both the real and fictional world. It doesn't help that a couple of Christmases ago, I got a Sorting Hat that works like a Magic 8 ball that I use multiple times on people. I've always been a Ravenclaw, my brother and dad were Slytherin, my mom and dog were Gryffindor and Hufflepuff and since my dog follows my mom around all the time, I definitely think he's got the loyal Hufflepuff qualities.

    • notemily says:

      I think a lot of cats are probably Slytherins. Hee hee. And dogs, Hufflepuffs. Weirdly, though, I think my cat might be a Ravenclaw. She's not very brave or evil scheme-y or hard-working, but she is smart.

      • Cee says:

        My girlcat is totally a Slythern. But very affectionate one, to me. My boycat OTOH is…um, what's the House for a huge wouldbe tomcat who is terrified of everything except Mommy and stalks his sister and imitates human babies rather successfully in his attempt to convince his mother how pathetically hungry he is? He's a total sweetheart but I think almost any house wouldn't want to claim him!

    • tigerpetals says:

      The answers seemed kind of weird to me. Is it spoilery to talk about them?

  19. FlameRaven says:

    As a long-time D&D player, I tend to prefer sorting people by alignment rather than into HP Houses. This is mostly just because I find the House traits rather limiting and… not all that in line with how people actually are? Everyone is going to have a mix of traits, so the HP houses just strike me as rather incomplete. Aaaand I kind of hate how it defines Slytherin, who really are there just to be the antagonists and as you said, a house of bullies. And all that is defined by ambition? I'm sorry, being ambitious does not automatically make you an asshole. :/

    Anyway, yeah, I find the D&D alignments much more flexible. It just covers the possibilities better without saying 'you're in this house, you're probably evil.'

    What the hell. Let's do that for HP.
    Most of the main cast are probably Chaotic Good (working for good, but they ignore SO MANY rules and laws), with Hermione starting out as Lawful Good and shading towards Neutral Good. Fred and George are Chaotic Good shading towards Chaotic Neutral. Malfoy I would peg as possibly Lawful Evil, but I think that's rather problematic. I don't know. I have a lot of pity towards Malfoy. Yes, he's an ass, but he gets thrown into a terrible situation by the end. Basically, I think he's forced to act Lawful Evil but on his own would probably not actively work towards anything. Proving the range of alignments, Voldemort is ALSO likely Lawful Evil. Wants to take over the world, but he's very disciplined and orderly about it. Dumbledore is probably Chaotic Neutral; he tries not to take part, but he's inclined to completely disregard the law whenever it helps his own goals.

    That's all for now. I need breakfast.

    • Elexus Calcearius says:

      I like doing things by alignment as well. Let's see where we go.

      Aang- Lawful Good; he can be against individual laws, but follows his society's morals constantly.
      Katara: Chaotic Good.
      Sokka: Chaotic Good.
      Toph: Probably the good guy closest to 'true netural', then 'chaotic neutral' then 'chaotic good'.
      Iroh: First appearence seems true neutral, revealed to be 'chaotic good'.
      Zuko: 'Lawful Evil', then 'Lawful Good'. He has to break rules to become Firelord, but then he'll be putting in order.
      Azula: Lawful Evil at the begining, becomes Chaotic Evil at the end.

      Doctor Who:
      The Doctor: I mantain that the Doctor is 'chaotic good'. I have a lot of friends who believe he's 'chaotic neutral'. But come on, even if he screws up and wants to enjoy himself, he's out to make the universe a better place.
      Most Companions- Chaotic Good. Its sort of in the job description, I think. Actually, most good guys tend to be chaotic good, because well….they need to be good, and its hard to rebel if you're following the rules.
      Rory- Neutral Good.
      River- Chaotic neutral. I think at different points she sways different ways, so its hard to tell.

      • FlameRaven says:

        I would almost argue for Zuko as Neutral Good throughout. Yes, the Fire Nation are definitely evil in their actions, but for whatever side Zuko is currently on, he always acts for the greatest general good of his people, no matter how many laws or traditions that breaks. He's allied with the 'evil' side, but even in the beginning his actions are often very honorable and not very evil.

        Agreed on all points of Doctor Who.

    • enigmaticagentscully says:

      I agree with most of them, but I'd lean more towards Malfoy as Lawful Neutral. He does what he's told by his parents and Voldemort, and is always sucking up to the teachers, but when it comes down to it, he's not really into the evil stuff.

      Yeah I do this too. Basically, whenever I meet a new person it's like – What Hogwarts House would they be in? What's their D&D alignment? What would their Patronus be? What would their Deamon be? etc. etc.

      • FlameRaven says:

        Yeah, Malfoy is a hard one. I was really reluctant to put him in Lawful Evil as I don't think that's his core personality, (I agree with your idea of Lawful Neutral) but it is the way he's forced to act through most of the books. Honestly I think if Malfoy hadn't been in the family he was, and if he hadn't been so pressured by expectations, he might have been able to sneak into Good by the end; he didn't seem all that thrilled by the idea of Voldemort winning once the murders were going on all around, but circumstances were such that there was no way he could defect. :/

    • hpfish13 says:

      Voldemort is ALSO likely Lawful Evil. Wants to take over the world, but he's very disciplined and orderly about it.

      HAHAHAHA! This made me think of "And I believe that everything has its place; Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their place, and SO DO YOUR CLOTHES! Namely a dresser…."

      • FlameRaven says:

        I'm assuming that's from the Very Potter Musical… haven't seen it though.

        In all seriousness, Voldemort is threatening because he's a very effective villain. I don't know if he's read all the Evil Overlord list, but he's definitely read some of it.

        • hpfish13 says:

          It is, and it's in response to Quirrell's insistence that "I've been single for all of my life, and sometimes I leave dirty laundry around."

          Voldemort's effectiveness I think one of the reason's the books are so compelling, he is a genuine danger both to Harry and the world (wizarding and Muggle both) at large. He plans ahead, has backup plans, and is utterly ruthless. His one true weakness is that he really cannot depend on his followers.

    • FlameRaven says:

      And continuing on for GoT– (I think a couple people get alignment changes later on, but this only covers through book 2 since that's where Mark is)

      Robert Baratheon – Chaotic Good
      Littlefinger – Lawful Neutral (sortof)
      Varys – True Neutral

      Cersei Lannister – Chaotic Evil
      Jaime Lannister – Lawful Neutral
      Tywin Lannister – Lawful Evil
      Tyrion Lannister – Neutral/Neutral Good
      Joffrey – Chaotic Neutral/Chaotic Evil

      Eddard Stark – Lawful Stupid
      Catelyn Stark – Chaotic Good
      Arya Stark – Chaotic Good/Chaotic Neutral
      Sansa Stark – Lawful Good
      Robb Stark – Chaotic Good
      Jon Snow – Chaotic Good
      Theon Greyjoy – Chaotic Neutral

      Stannis Baratheon – Lawful Good/Lawful Stupid
      Renly Baratheon – Chaotic Good
      Daenerys – Chaotic Good
      Melisandre – Chaotic Neutral

      A lot of these are probably up for debate, mostly because the morality of this series is so ridiculously complex.

      • feminerdist says:

        I really love that this entire post and multiple comments has determined that Ned is Lawful Stupid.

        • FlameRaven says:

          When your primary philosophy is Honor Before Reason, that's usually the case. :/

          I love Eddard, but yeah, his decision and Catelyn's decision to kidnap Tyrion are pretty much the catalysts for the entire war.

    • Patrick721 says:

      I too prefer sorting things by alignment.


  20. saphling says:

    You're not alone in worrying about being sorted into the wrong house, Mark. There's even a song about it:

    *sings along*

    • Elexus Calcearius says:

      That song is epic, and so true. I've been having pre-sorting angst as well.

      And we do know at least one person who is obviously wrong about their house. My sister swears she's Gryffindor, but she's quite clearly a Hufflepuff. She gets scared when the lights are off, but always wants to help others, and cried for three hours because she burned brownies and thought that made her a brat. She was 14 at the time.

      • tigerpetals says:

        That doesn't necessarily make one a Hufflepuff though. Hermione cares/cared what people thought of her well-behavedness and she likes helping and encouraging people. And Neville used to be more scared of things.

        Not that I am disagreeing with your general assessment of your sister, just disputing your example.

    • Kira Wonrey says:

      I was very worried about the pottermore sorting, and tried not to think about it… It was all going well until I heard this song and started to freak out! While doing the test, I was so nervous and scared I had to close the page and go for a walk to calm down a little, and did it later.
      I'm so glad the hat sorted me in my house! I'm very proud to be an slytherin ^^
      Now when I listen to that song I find it very funny.

      • tigerpetals says:

        I thought I was Claw and became a Slytherin also. I thought it was interesting but I did freak out a bit. I don't want to not be a Slytherin, but I still want to be a Ravenclaw. A Slytherclaw.

    • stefb says:

      I love how they refer to AVPM (with Hufflepuffs' ability to find things)

      • katherinemh says:

        This week, the official Pottermore Twitter account has been having House pride days. The other day was #hufflepuffpride day and the official Pottermore Twitter account retweeted someone who said, "I 'FIND' much pride in being a Hufflepuff!" That doesn't necessarily mean that they understood the joke, but it still made me laugh.

  21. Ida says:

    I just felt I had to say this. When I joined Pottermore, I was completely sure I would end up in Ravenclaw. I have always identified myself with that House; it just seemed so me.

    Then I got sorted. I am now a Hufflepuff. A Hufflepuff! I was destroyed at first. But then I thought that hey, I answered all the questions as truthfully as I could, and I took time to think it through as well. So I guess I really am a Hufflepuff.
    And now I am proud, because my House values kindness and loyalty, and we believe that everyone is equal. We will always look out for each other (Zacharias Smith can just go sit in a corner and suck on it!). Hufflepuff is the best. And you had better not say anything bad about it when I am around!

    Oh, and hey, I do that all the time too. Putting people from other fandoms in Hogwarts Houses, I mean. Right now, I'm doing it for Wheel of Time-characters. Rand is totally a Gryffindor, don't you agree, WOT people? (If there are any of them on here.) And Mat is a Slytherin, I believe. They need his badassery there!

    • I used to always think I was a Ravenclaw but now I actually really really want to be in Hufflepuff! I shall have to wait and see though!

    • Casey says:

      Now I must re-read them so I can sort everyone… Do you happen to know when the next on is coming out? Or are they all finally out? I gave ip waiting for them…

      • Ida says:

        There's only one left to go. It's supposed to be out in March 2012, but I don't know the specific date. Apparently, it's about 50% done though, so it's coming along. Finally!

    • Maya says:

      Hufflepuff is awesome because we have loads of smart people, we just don't like to boast about it and often use our intelligence helping others. We are BAMFs.

    • Hanah_banana says:

      Hee snap! I was SO certain I was Ravenclaw and SO sure I was not a Hufflepuff, then the banner came up announcing I was in Hufflepuff. And I was distraught for all of fifteen seconds, after which I read the welcome message and realised that yeah, JK knew what she was doing and whilst I am smart and I love my books and my reading I am clearly a Hufflepuff. ๐Ÿ™‚ I am all about the love and kindness and loyalty and caring for each other and what you consider your defining trait may not be actually the most important part of you. I mean, I don't think anyone would deny that Hermione's defining trait is her intelligence. But she's not in Ravenclaw, she's in Gryffindor because her bravery is more important.

      • Laura says:

        Ida and Hanah_banana, I'd love to switch with either one of you. I was *certain* I was a Hufflepuff, had no doubt, unless maybe Gryffindor, but most likely Hufflepuff.


        Ravenclaw. Almost cried. *Sigh* Well, reading what JKR wrote about Ravenclaws settled me somewhat, because they are highly tolerant of others (as, I'd think, would be Helga Hufflepuff, who took everyone else's castoffs, but I digress…), and I'm all for tolerance, so….

        Go Ravenclaw. Y'know, if I must. Can't let down my side. (I'm *so* Hufflepuff. ๐Ÿ™ )

    • tigerpetals says:

      Yet again I will announce that I too really thought I was Claw. Though I had expected Hufflepuff if not. But I am in Slytherin, which the message represented as the cool elite seemingly wild child crowd that sticks together. I still want to be a Claw, but I do want to stay a Snake also. The message is even that unassuming person you think is pathetic has greatness in them, and Merlin was a Slytherin. Sorry to say that it disses Hufflepuff a bit: and all the other houses really, although it acknowledges some similarities with Gryffindors. The other side of the coin. I don't feel that way about Hufflepuff! Anyway I have been doing some self-analysis to discover my Slytherin traits.

  22. stellaaaaakris says:

    I love how many tangents are in this review. It's delightful and shows the joy you have reading this.

    And yes, this detention feels rather harsh. What's so bad about walking around the school at night that it deserves a night time trip into the Forbidden Forest? At my school you basically had to just hang around in the teacher's classroom for 40 minutes. Depending on the teacher, you might have been allowed to do homework, but no talking. Then you could leave and go home or go to sports practice or rehearsal or whatever it was you did after school.

    I too never had detention but that was more a matter of luck than anything else. I did plenty of things that deserved detention at my school (forgot to do my homework, talked too much, passed notes, read a book of my choice during English class because I didn't care about whatever we were reading, ate during class, copied/shared homework, etc.) but I was rarely caught and, even when I was, I was always able to talk my way out of it. So, technically, my record is spotless!

    • HieronymusGrbrd says:

      "walking around the school at night" wasn't the really bad part of what they had done. From McGonagalls point of view:

      Harry and Hermione had played some dirty trick on Draco to lure him out of bed (probably talking about "Harry's dragon" while pretending they didn't know that Draco could here them), and then they were not satisfied imagining him wandering about to find the evidence, they had to go out to watch and laugh at him. Mean, stupid, and slytherinish!

      Draco, rather than warning the teachers about the presence of a very dangerous beast, as had been the duty of everybody ho believed the fake dragon story, had tried to get some advantage over Harry by investigating on his own. Stupid, mean, and – well, not surprising.

      Poor Neville was sacrificed to McGonagalls righteous rage.

  23. Elexus Calcearius says:

    If I had to sort the Doctor Who characters right now, I’d stick River in Slytherin, Rory in Hufflepuff, Amy in Gryffindor, and Eleven in a miss-mash between Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin, as he may be the only person on the face of the fucking planet whose personality and qualities somehow eclipse into all four houses

    MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY! At first I put Eleven into Ravenclaw because of his love of science-y solving and stuff, but then I was like "He's awfully manipulative and ambitious" so then I was like Slytherin! But then again, he's very loyal and protective of his friends, has been willing to die to save the universe, and that's Hufflepuff. But how can we forget how bloody brave and risk-taking he is? Honestly, everyone has attributes from all the houses, but the Doctor takes it way too far.

    Incidentally, I think that Rose would be Gryffindor, Martha would be Ravendor, and Donna would probably be Gryffindor or Gryffinpuff. And let's see…

    Aang- Hufflepuff/Huffleclaw. 'Cause he's so caring and peaceful and trickstery.
    Sokka- Ravenclaw. Yeah, he's brave, but much more focused on using knowledge and strategy.
    Katara- Gryffindor. Most easily sorted, really. That girl is was too much of a risk-taker.
    Toph- Slytherin. And no, that's not because she wears tonnes of green.
    Iroh- Gryffindor. Or maybe Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. IDK. I think the wiser a person, the more spread out their house is.
    Azula- Um, Slytherin. Really no where else.

    In a slightly more constructive use of my time, I really loved this chapter. I was re-reading Mark's re-read of the chapter, and he pretty much lost his shit at how epic is was. There's a great sense of tension and creepiness, and the plot is thickening, and oh god…

    On the topic of Hagrid, I think he must have been really afraid. Afraid that they'd kill Norbert(a). Afraid that he'd fire him, or stick him back in Azkaban. He probably stepped in to take Harry's detention to make sure everything was fine and dandy. (Not to mention, I bet to a teacher/staff-member who's no longer closely affiliated with any of the houses, it seems a bit silly now)

    • hpfish13 says:

      My friend and I tended to put Uncle Iroh (and River Tam for that matter) into the House of Awesome because we couldn't decide on a house for either of them.

    • xpanasonicyouthx says:


    • I never saw Toph as 'ambitious', per se.

      Also if you really think that Zuko is anything other than the Hufflepuffiest Hufflepuff to ever walk the earth, then you probably need to watch season 3 again. Season one has him trying to be all Slytherinish, but he's so incredibly bad at it.

      • Elexus Calcearius says:

        I sorted Toph into Slytherin mostly because I think she has trouble being selfless and natural is out for herself, and can be rather ruthless. Out of the entire gAang, she’s the one who partakes in random violence and rule-breaking most naturally.

        The thing about Zuko…is he’s such a mix. He can be brave, like a Gryffindor. He can be delightfully awkward, like a Hufflepuff. He can be quite clever, like a Ravenclaw. And there are times, like when he steals the ostrich horse or is rude to his crew members, that he seems very Slytherin.

        • Any doubts I may have had regarding Zuko's suitability as a Hufflepuff were extinguished in (I think?) the second episode of season 1. When he tried to lie about how his boat got damaged to Jason Isaacs. Sure, he can be weaselly and brave and all that, but really I think his earnestness and basic honesty are what actually define him as a character.

          (On that note Zhao probably out-Slytherins Salazar Slytherin)

  24. elyce says:

    Admittedly, I had a small moment of panic just before I was sorted in Pottermore, but I know I'm a Ravenclaw and the Sorting Hat confirmed what I've known all along (although i do definitely think I've got a long streak of Slytherin in there too). In my opinion, the Pottermore Sorting is the definitive Sorting, yes. JK Rowling made it so she better well know where people belong.

    And the fact that you still hate Draco saddens me. I'd just like to remind you that Harry was spying on Draco and his friends before he got his nose stomped on. Not that it wasn't a little violent to fit the crime, but Harry's not exactly Mr. Perfect either.

    • xpanasonicyouthx says:

      but he's sooooooo gross. Draco is gross. I know he's a product of his environment, but he's just like all the privileged white kids who picked on me in junior high/high school.

      And I don't think spying = nose stomping. Those are so drastically different.

    • Cee says:

      Uh, wasn't he spying because he suspected Draco was up to something illegal…which, as it turned out, was absolutely correct?!

  25. muzzery says:

    I love that even here in this chapter, Rowling is already foreshadowing Voldemort killing Harry in the Forest at the end of DH –

    "Bane thinks Firenze should have let Voldemort kill me…I suppose that's written in the stars as well."

    Oh Harry, if only you knew the importance of your sarcastic, throwaway little comment.

  26. msw188 says:

    On the subject of sorting, can we contemplate the possibility that Dumbledore should have been a Slytherin? If there's anyone who schemes and ignores what others consider 'right' for "his own ends", it's Dumbledore. He lies and breaks the law without a second thought. He is not above using pure force to achieve his ends either, although he seems to prefer not to. He willingly puts people in grave danger, and in some cases (Severus), uses their self-imposed debts to get what he needs out of them, without being totally honest with them about it (he tells Snape that they're protecting Harry, which isn't really the end goal at all in Dumbledore's mind).

    • msw188 says:

      (apparently I can't post comments very long…?)

      In a lot of ways Albie represents all of the houses. He's kind whenever possible, as a good Hufflepuff ought to be. He's obviously very learned in a vast multitude of fields, and spends lots of time studying (and planning)events with a Ravenclawish thirst for objective knowledge. His ultimate motives for his scheming are inherently noble, as a Gryffindor's should be. But at the end of the day, it seems reasonable to claim Dumbly is, at heart, someone who will use whatever means necessary to achieve his ends, which I take to be the definition of Slytherin.

      • @GalFawkes says:

        But those ends are not really his own. It's his idea of what's good for *wizardkind*. That's the same reason I have Gale from Hunger Games pegged as a Gryffindor rather than Slytherin. His ends weren't more power for himself, it was "bring down the Capitol by any means necessary". He would have martyred himself for the cause if it came to it. It's also why I had Katniss as a Slytherin – her endgame is survival for herself, her family, and other people close to her. Narcissa valued her family too, which is why she defected from Voldemort. Not out of grand morals, but because she wanted the best for her family. Al-Qaeda members, the foot soldiers anyway, I see them as Gryffindors gone bad too. Their motives are for ~the cause.

        • xpanasonicyouthx says:


        • Elexus Calcearius says:

          Amazing comment! However, I agree with msw1 that Dumbledore has very Slytherin like qualities. This just adds to my opinion that the wiser a person, the more balanced their attributes between the four houses are.

        • msw188 says:

          Hmm, very interesting. So if we sort with a closer eye on a person's end goals as opposed to their means, we find Dumbledore thoroughly Gryffindor. Well, this is an oversimplification, but it may be illuminating to see what else this would mean. It seems that we would be judging the sorting less on active traits, and more on morals and motivations. Thus a Gryffindor is defined more by his noble intentions than by his inherent bravery. This fits quite well for characters like Neville and Hermione. This view also works for Draco Malfoy, who doesn't always seek with either ambition or cunning, but certainly always with selfishness. As opposed to, say, Percy, who is certainly very ambitious, but not always necessarily selfish. A natural question arises: what are the criteria for being in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff in this light? As in, what ends motivate a Hufflepuff or a Ravenclaw, as opposed to nobility (Gryfffindor) or selfishness (Slytherin)? I'll probably post more on this later.

          • msw188 says:

            Following this train of thought, I began to question what sorts of motivations or goals define a Ravenclaw. The only Ravens we get to know much of are Luna and Cho, and perhaps Flitwick. Luna is such an interesting character, and I love almost everything about her. She makes me think that the defining characteristic of a Ravenclaw is curiosity. As in, honest unbiased curiosity for curiosity's sake alone. The would help explain why Hermione and Percy, as interested as they are in learning, don't quite fit the mold of a Ravenclaw so well.

            • hassibah says:

              Ollivander and Quirrel are Ravenclaws!

              • msw188 says:

                Is this mentioned anywhere in the books? I don't remember it. Anyway, it seems to fit for Quirrel, whose curiosity gets him into trouble.

                The main problem with our current reasoning seems to be, as always, Pettigrew. This is even more problematic here; I can see his betrayal as 'daring and rash' if I really try to stretch my imagination. But from a motivational standpoint, it is pure selfishness, which ought to be as Slytherin as you can get.

          • msw188 says:

            Also following this train of thought, I began to question what motivations define a Hufflepuff. We get next to no meaningful time with any Hufflepuffs. It might be reasonable to surmise that they simply value kindness and hard work as ends in themselves. Thus they are the people who do not go in for grand goals of any sort, either for themselves or for others. The interesting thing that occurred to me here is, if this might be true, can we make a case for Hagrid as a Hufflepuff? He never seems to bother questioning Dumbledore's reasons or goals, but simply trusts him. And his love for animals has, at its root, no real goal at all other than to make them feel loved.

        • notemily says:

          I agree. Remember, Dumbledore deliberately chooses not to be Minister of Magic because he fears what he would do if he had too much power. That doesn't seem very Slytherin to me.

        • msw188 says:

          I'm loving this approach more and more. One very interesting case with this viewpoint is the sorting of Tom Riddle. While he is certainly selfish, he is mostly portrayed as having a grand cause in mind. In fact, like Dumbledore, he seems to have no interest in actually being Minister of Magic. He is more interested in simply controlling the Ministry (and others) with a specific end-goal in mind that is less about himself and more about the Wizarding community at large. Of course, he also wants to live forever, which is about as selfish as you can get. But so did Dumbledore when he was younger.

      • sparadigm says:

        I think the Dumbledore we know represents all the houses, but young Albus Dumbledore seems very Slytherin to me. I don't know about anyone else, but I tend to associate ambition with Slytherin, and Dumbledore certainly had a lot of that when he was younger. That being said, I think it's a good thing that the Headmaster of Hogwarts encompass traits of all the houses.

        • notemily says:

          He was also very much an idealist when he was younger, though. I see Slytherins as more cynical, although I could be wrong.

          • sparadigm says:

            It's hard to tell, because almost all of the Slytherins we know about are eeeevil, so it's difficult to determine whether "cynical" is a Slytherin quality or an "evil" one.

            • msw188 says:

              It may be helpful here to consider Horace Slughorn. He doesn't seem particularly cynical (or evil), but his kindness is ultimately selfish. I'm liking @GalFawkes' idea of sorting more and more. Although there are some interesting issues to consider, which I'm going to post as a reply above.

  27. msw188 says:

    On the subject of horrible detentions, Umbridge is certainly the worst, but she's not really part of Hogwarts. My favorite might be Ron's detention for sticking up for Hermione to Snape in POA. Scraping hospital bed pans without magic! His reaction is awesome.

    However, one might argue that this Forbidden Forest detention is a good example of Dumbledore's Slytherin ways. He has no problem putting Harry's friends (and enemies) in grave danger beyond a normal detention just because he needs to test and prepare Harry. Even Rowling hints in this book, through Harry's speech to Ron and Hermione at the end, that some of the events might have been set up by Dumbledore to let Harry prove himself. I doubt she thought about it the way I'm presenting it here, but it's still fun to think about.

  28. VicarPants says:

    HARRY, HE IS IN THE FUCKING TURBAN oh my god i love this book.

    Anyone else thinking Panto-Potter?

  29. nanceoir says:

    Since we're talking a lot about Sorting (because Pottermore is never far from our minds), let me share one of my favorite things I've read about the houses (that was not written by JKR): The Hufflepuff Manifesto. It's brilliant because it looks at the characteristics — both good and bad — of all four houses, though, as the name suggests, it spends most of its time on Hufflepuff. It's an excellent read.

    I must admit that this has been a big influence on me and how I view the houses.

  30. Felicis_Strike says:

    MARK. You share my obsession with sorting other fictional characters into Hogwarts houses! It's such a joy!

    But yeah, I think Pottermore IS the definitive Sorting Hat now. It tells the TRUTH. Which is both awesome and terrifying.

    • Laura says:

      I have spent enormous gobs of time since my sorting coming up with good reasons why it ISN'T definitive. Please.

      Yeah, and, um, go Ravenclaw.

      • theanagrace says:

        Personally, I took my time on the questions, answered truthfully and thought carefully about them. I was sorted into Ravenclaw, (which I was kinda hoping for) but I don't know whether or not the test itself is accurate, or my preferences subconsciously coloured my answers. I would have accepted any house I got sorted into, because I've always been a median-type answer on the internet quizzes.
        Ultimately, it is a very basic personality quiz, and the programming may well tilt someone in a tie over to the house with fewer people.
        Hmm, there's not a very coherent thread to these thoughts. Really, what I guess I'm trying to say is that I personally was okay with how the test went, but I can conceive of how it could put someone into a house they weren't expecting. (which doesn't really contribute much other than some analysis and additional information, maybe I'm truly more Ravenclaw than I thought, lol)

  31. arctic_hare says:

    I SORT PEOPLE FROM OTHER FANDOMS TOO, MARK. Ever since I first read the books! ๐Ÿ˜€ It's fun! I sadly have not been able to get into Pottermore because I missed all the early signups ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™ but I'll join in October and see what happens then. Should be fun.

    I love how Harry thinks that detention with Hagrid won't be so bad because Hagrid, and he's right that it's better than hanging out with Filch all frigging night, but the Forbidden Forest… yikes. I do love how Hagrid's all "whatever, sup, Harry, Hermione, you suck Filch." I don't blame him for not coming clean about the dragon, that would likely get him into some BIG legal trouble, and Harry and Hermione know it: that's why they don't confess everything when McGonagall questions them about why they were out of bed so late. Poor Neville, though. ๐Ÿ™ He was trying to be brave, to repay Harry for his kindness, and look what happens. I just want to give him a hug, especially when he looks so stunned and hurt about it possibly being a big joke on Harry's part.

    The Forest itself is wonderfully creepy, I agree. I love creepy stuff. <3

  32. barnswallowkate says:

    The cookies I just ate were definitely Hufflepuffs.

    Did you FIND them to be delicious?

    You sound extremely caffeinated in this review and I love it.

    I got detention once for being late to school (in probably 10th grade?) and I cried and cried in shame. My first period teacher took pity on me and let me do "detention" with her by doing my HW in her classroom after school. Oh, the trials of a goody two-shoes. My husband got detention so often they ran out of disks for him to reformat and keyboards for him to clean. Not sure what they made him do after that – obviously they should have though of Unicorn Killer Hunting.

  33. Elp says:

    Oh man, I got sorted into Ravenclaw on Pottermore and it was the most life-affirming thing ever. I literally held my breath and closed my eyes when I clicked the last button and then let out this huge combination gasp of relief/shriek of joy. So I definitely will be considering it the Definitive Sorting, although the comments people have made about them keeping even numbers in the houses do make sense to me.

    This is something I've always wondered about in the books. Like, in Harry's year there are five Gryffindor boys and…four girls? Three girls? I'm only coming up with Parvati, Lavendar, and of course Hermione, correct me if I'm wrong. But anyway. What I'm wondering is, are there some years NO Gryffindors (or Slytherins or what have you)? Or just one? And wouldn't that be super lonely, being the only one in your house in your class? Tragic. And furthermore, for the House Cup competition, does it really all balance out in terms of numbers? Because if suddenly there is an influx of Hufflepuffs, don't they have an unfair advantage?

  34. Ithinkimme says:

    Meh…I think I'm a Hufflepuff, though I've never braved an internet testing to be sure! ๐Ÿ™‚ I'm not brave enough for Gryffindor, evil enough for Slytherin, or hard-working enough for Ravenclaw, so I guess that means I'm in the one that takes the rest! Wow, that makes me sound boring. Your sorting other characters is inspired as well. How about sorting Twlight?? Bella- Hufflepuff. Edward- Slytherin. Jacob- Hufflepuff. Yep. That works! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  35. guest_age says:

    I think everyone sorts fictional characters, as well as people they know. Of course, I've been trying to sort my mother for years but can't come up with a house for her. She's not particularly brave or chivalrous, so that's Gryffindor out, she hates reading and learning and has that backwards attitude that education "teaches people bad ideas" so she's definitely not a Ravenclaw, she's not particularly honest, hard working, or fair, so she's not really a Hufflepuff, she's not really ambitious, cunning, or prideful, so she's not really a Slytherin, and she is nowhere near cool enough for the House of Awesome. And yet it seems rude to think she's a squib.

    When Pottermore launches in October, I'm registering her an account and making her get sorted so that I know once and for all. I only registered one during the magic quill and I used it for my own sorting, so she'll just have to wait. ๐Ÿ˜›

  36. James says:

    Oh my god, the Sorting non-HP characters thing? I do it with EVERYONE. It is the best and easiest way to express things about people without having to be articulate and nuanced. (I see the Doctor as a Ravenclaw, myself, and while I initially put him in 'puff, too, I think Rory might be a stealth!Gryffindor of the Neville kind.)

    And the anxiety about Pottermore Sorting, dear god. I am the least anxious person, but the idea of not getting in Gryffindor was actually giving me a meltdown. If I was a self-identified Gryffinpuff or Gryffinclaw or something then it wouldn't have been such a big deal, but I AM NOTHING BUT GRYFFINDOR. Thankfully, Pottermore agreed ๐Ÿ˜€ (I'm so Gryffindor, my *wand* is a Gryffindor.) But yes, the point was, I know your pain, but it turned out okay for me, so…. *fingers crossed*!

    Also, high five for never getting a detention! (The only reason I never got one, though, is my school was pretty chill about discipline and I am even though I am a cheeky git, I am charming about it.)

  37. Natalia (@mellafe) says:

    I sort people from everythig, not just fandoms. Friends, family, pets, you name it! I loooove sorting people. ๐Ÿ™‚

    So, obviously I sorted characters from shows and movies I love. I made a post once about how much Avatar and Harry Potter were alike, in sorting and other ways, too.

  38. Starsea28 says:

    I realized something I’d not thought of the first time: DUDE. HAGRID. Why on earth are you not stepping in to tell McGonagall what really happened? I didn’t pick up on this at all. Hagrid, these kids are getting 50 points taken from their House EACH, and they have to face detention, and it’s all because you kept a dragon around. This is technically your fault!

    Yes. It's rather like Remus not telling Dumbledore about Sirius's Animagus form because he's afraid Dumbledore will be disappointed in him, isn't it? Only that is kind of worse because Harry could have DIED.

    My brother is definitely way more of a Gryffindor than I am. And he’s my twin! That’s pretty cool.

    So you two are basically the Patil twins? ๐Ÿ˜€ Awesome!

    And yes, Eleven is definitely a Hufflepuff. And I totally agree that Matt Smith's obsession with badgers makes this a logical conclusion.

    You know what the centaurs were talking about? THE FOREST AGAIN CHAPTER. THE SCENE WHERE HARRY LITERALLY GIVES HIMSELF UP TO VOLDEMORT AND DIES AND THUS DEFEATS HIM. My mind was completely blown when I realised this.

  39. Starsea28 says:

    The March sisters:

    Meg – Hufflepuff
    Jo – Gryffindor
    Beth – Hufflepuff (and how!)
    Amy – Slytherin
    "Laurie" – Gryffindor
    Mr Bhaer – Hufflepuff

    Anne Shirley – Gryffindor
    Gilbert Blythe – Gryffindor (well, they are the forerunners of Lily and James)

    Emily Starr – Ravenclaw
    Teddy Kent – Hufflepuff
    Ilse Burnley – Slytherin
    Perry Miller – Gryffindor

    Jane Eyre – Gryffindor (she and Harry could be twins)
    Mr Rochester – Hufflepuff (yeah, weird, but it's all about family for him)

    • Marie says:

      Thank you for this – I love all these people a lot and this was a pleasure to see!

    • Maggie says:

      I'd actually say Rochester was Slytherin… the whole "any means to achieve an end" thing. I totally agree with you on Jane and Anne and Gilbert and the March sisters, though.
      And can I add:
      Elizabeth Bennet: Gryffindor
      Jane Bennet: Hufflepuff
      Mr. Darcy: Gryffindor
      Mr. Wickham: Slytherin in spades
      Mrs. Bennet: Hufflepuff
      Mr. Bennet: Ravenclaw
      Mr. Bingley: Hufflepuff
      Lydia Bennet: Ok, she honestly stumps me. I'm going to go with Slytherin.
      Mary Bennet: Ravenclaw
      Kitty Bennet: Hufflepuff
      Lady Catherine: Slytherin. Or possibly a Gryffindor gone bad?

      • Starsea28 says:

        Eh, I don't know. I don't see Rochester as ambitious. He just wants to have some stability and happiness. He's desperate not cunning. HEATHCLIFF, on the other hand, definitely a Slytherin. ๐Ÿ˜ก

        Lydia is a puzzle. I'd kind of go with Gryffindor, though, because she's just so thoughtless. XD

        As for Lady Catherine… I kind of want to say Ravenclaw. Because she's so shut up in her ivory tower.

        Mr Collins is definitely a Slytherin, though.

        • monkeybutter says:

          <img src=""&gt;
          Oh, most certainly.

          I agree about Lydia. Her identifying characteristic is her impulsiveness. Definitely a Gryffindor.

        • Maggie says:

          I think you could argue Rochester was ambitious at least at the beginning of his life, and I don't know- ambitious itself is kind of an ambiguous term- it really depends on what the person's chasing. Maybe it's because I see him as sort of having some of Snape's characteristics… I dunno, I give up. I adore Rochester either way though XD

          Oh, I didn't think about Gryffindor for Lydia- but you're right, that actually does fit her better.

          I don't think Lady Catherine ever shows a real desire for knowledge though. She likes flouting her good taste, but doesn't really have a lot of learning behind it: "If I had ever learned [to play the piano] I should have been a true proficient."

          I completely forgot about Collins *headdesk* Definitely a Slytherin.

          • Starsea28 says:

            You're right. I was having this conversation a few days ago with a friend and we agreed that Snape starts out as Heathcliff but ENDS UP as Rochester. ๐Ÿ˜€ So maybe Rochester is a Slytherdor? Or Gryfferin? *lol*

            Yeah, Lady Catherine is probably a Gryffindor gone wrong.

            Elinor Dashwood = Hufflepuff
            Marianne Dashwood = Gryffindor
            Edward Ferrars = Hufflepuff (no wonder it takes them an age to get together)
            Willoughby = Slytherin masquerading as Gryffindor
            Colonel Brandon = Hufflepuff with some Gryffindor tendencies

    • I hadn't thought about how Anne and Gilbert were similar to Lily and James but YOU ARE SO RIGHT!

  40. Becky_J_ says:

    It's a mark ( hahaha mark ) to how awesome this review is that I had to skip all the comments because there were so damn many just to post about how much I love this review. well that was convoluted

    I love this review so much, not least because you have an entire fucking paragraph of parentheses of you sorting everything and anything into houses. I love Mark's thought processes! I can just see you sitting wherever you sit, or stand, or whatever, and looking around pointing at objects yelling "Slytherin! Gryffindor! Hufflepuff! Ravendor! HUFFLESLYTHERDOR!"

  41. loonyloopylupin says:

    Hunger Games character houses anyone? I'm sorry, I don't know anything about Doctor Who.
    Katniss: Gryffindor. I would say Ravenclaw, but she's never really shown any sign of "creativity" or "wit"
    Peeta: Hufflepuff. Can't put my finger on why
    Gale: I DON'T EFFING KNOW. Maybe Slytherin? He does have the trait of "using any means to acheive their ends"
    Haymitch: Gryffindor, once again.
    Prim: She has about 4 lines of dialogue and hardly ever shows up. How do you expect me to Sort her?
    Effie: er…. Hufflepuff? I DONT KNOW.
    Cinna: SLYTHERIN. OH YES. Though more of a Slughorn-y Slytherin. He's got a lot of ambition and talent, and will use any means to acheive success such as LIGHTING HIS FRACKING MODELS ON FIRE good god
    Finnick: Gryffindor, probably.
    Beetee: Ravenclaw, eeeeasily.

    I think those are most of the main HG people?

  42. Remy Lane says:

    MAAAAAARK! Finally, you are posting these again and I can actually comment in real time!!! I spent a vast majority of July reading through your original postings on the series, and oh my God, you have no idea how much I enjoyed them. I deliberately spaced them out so I wouldn't finish with them so quickly. But now YAY you are BACK to HP and I AM SO HAPPY! Sorry, had to get the fangirl squealing out of the way. And actually, that's really all I have time for right now because the real world is intervening….but I can't wait to join in these discussions.

  43. sparadigm says:

    I won't be able to join Pottermore until it's open to everyone (I FEEL SO LEFT OUT) but I'm surprised by the number of people here who were sorted into a house they didn't expect or want. Maybe it's for the best, in a way. Being sorted into a house you never really associated with before could open up your world just a little more. People who proudly claim they are Slytherins but are sorted into Hufflepuff can learn about compassion and acceptance. Ravenclaws who were sorted into Gryffindor can still appreciate the pursuit of knowledge, but could learn that it's okay to go out there and be brave and you don't always have to keep your nose in a book. We could all become more well-rounded and love all of the qualities about ourselves, even the ones we didn't know we had.

    Of course, I'm saying all this as someone who hasn't been sorted on Pottermore yet, so there's that.

  44. Minish says:


  45. Kyra says:

    Absolutely agree on Mulder and Scully. Also Gryffindors: Starbuck, the apostle Peter, Thor, Superman, most paladins except they take it to extremes, and…I forget who else I’ve pegged as Gryffindor. Probably Luke Skywalker. I’m gonna say Helo is a Hufflepuff (for some reason I tend to think of him in “n’awww, little Helo!” terms even though Tahmoh is really not little). Doubting Thomas is a Ravenclaw; Judas defaults to Slytherin. Movie!Loki is all Slytherin in a way I’d admire even I didn’t want to hug him and make it all better…as is Ben Franklin. (That discovery helped make my polo-sic classes ALMOST bearable). Jefferson is a Ravenclaw. I’m inclined to put Donna (who would be surprised by this) and Rose in Gryffindor, Martha in Ravenclaw. Regina George is a Slytherin, heh. The Pevensie kids divide up pretty neatly — Peter in Gryffindor, Susan in Ravenclaw, Edmund in Slytherin, Lucy in Hufflepuff. Mr. Bingley and Jane in the 2005 Pride & Prejudice are huge adorable Hufflepuffs. Um…all incarnations of Capt. Kirk are Gryffindors; Spock and Bones are Ravenclaws. Originally I’d have put Sam Winchester in Ravenclaw and Dean in Gryffindor; not sure at this point. And because I’m currently watching MST3K I’m compelled to sort them too. Brain Guy: Ravenclaw, obviously, and also maybe Dr. Forrester. Bobo, Frank, Mike, and Joel are all Hufflepuffs, probably. For some reason I want to say Slytherin for Tom Servo and Gryffindor for Crow. Pearl…I don’t know whether to put her in Slytherin because she’s crazy ambitious and is always coming up with evil plans, or Gryffindor because her plans suck and she’s too impulsive to think them all the way through before she dives into something.

  46. MsSmeagol says:

    The whole thing with Norbert the dragon was what started my "dislike" (for lack of a better word) for Hagrid which persisted throughout the entire series. I appreciate him for being kind and very caring and loyal, but he is also a constant source of worry for Harry and his friends . I've never understood the whole "Hagrid is a father figure to Harry"-aspect, because Harry is the one who always has to act responsible and take care of Hagrid and clean up his mess (Norbert the Dragon, Buckbeak, Grawp, etc), so Harry is really the one who acts "fatherly" in their relationship.

    Having said that, I do love Hagrid in PoA when he scolds Harry and Ron for being mean to Hermione. NEVER BE MEAN TO HERMIONE.

  47. Whit says:

    You know, on the subject of sorting, it just occurred to me: if which house you will be in is dependent upon your personality type, what if your personality changes throughout school? I feel like that was one of the things that was never really addressed. Like, what if someone was a Hufflepuff at 11 and by 14 exhibited the qualities of a Slytherin? I mean, people grow. They change. And they do most of that in their adolescent years. So you'd think that by the mid-point of their schooling career, most houses would be rather mix-matched in terms of personality, unless the hat could predict "future"/permanent personalities?

    Personally, I'm sure I would have been a Slytherin as a first year. But the more I grew up, the more I became more of a Hufflepuff. I became more and more caring and loyal and less selfish/ambitious. I've seen many people do the opposite. Or became less physically courageous (Gryffindor) and more intellectually orientated (Ravenclaw). Etc.

  48. Gabriel Borges says:

    "Always the innocent are the first victims"
    This quote foreshadows a lot of things. Berta, Frank, Cedric, the fox…

  49. Anonymouse says:

    Because I haven't seen anyone sort the Gaang yet…

    Aang: either Hufflepuff or Gryffindor, but probably Hufflepuff
    Katara: Gryffindor, or possibly Hufflepuff (you could make a case for both)
    Sokka: Ravenclaw (he's the idea guy)
    Toph: Slytherin
    Suki: Gryffindor
    Iroh: the most badass Ravenclaw there ever was, or an equally badass Hufflepuff
    Azula: Queen of the Slytherins
    Mai: … I don't know. An extremely apathetic Slytherin pehaps?
    Ty Lee: Hufflepuff. And nothing y'all can say will change my mind on that one.

  50. xpanasonicyouthx says:


  51. Quincy Morris says:

    I’m not sure how seriously you can take the Sorting Hat. Evanna Lynch was sorted into Gryffindor, and I was just like: Hahahahahahahaha. Seriously though, I’m in love with her, and it was funny because it was so shocking at the time.

    I imagine myself to be a Gryfindor, though I’ll probably shoot myself if I’m in Hufflepuff. What the Hell is a Hufflepuff, anyway? I never did figure that out…

  52. Lady X says:

    Doctor who sortings=<3<3<3…:)

  53. stefb says:

    When Mark gets to The Hobbit/LotR WE NEED TO SORT THE CHARACTERS TOO (oooh I'm excited)

    • notemily says:

      I was just thinking about that! [spoilers] V jnf npghnyyl guvaxvat bs fbegvat gur qvssrerag enprf vagb ubhfrf, fvapr Uboovgf ner boivbhfyl gur pbafhzzngr Uhssyrchssf. Uhznaf pbhyq znlor or Fylgurevaf, fvapr "zra nobir nyy ryfr qrfver cbjre," nygubhtu Nentbea, Snenzve, naq n pbhcyr bs bguref ner boivbhfyl rkprcgvbaf gb gung. Ryirf pbhyq or Enirapynjf naq Qjneirf pbhyq or Telssvaqbef (be znlor zber Uhssyrchssf fvapr gurl yvxr gb tb haqretebhaq yvxr onqtref). Nf sbe gur jvmneqf, V'q chg Tnaqnys va Enirapynj, Fnehzna va Fylgureva, naq Enqntnfg va Uhssyrchss. Nyfb, Rbjla frrzf yvxr na boivbhf pubvpr sbe Telssvaqbe.

      • stefb says:

        SPOILERS GALORERbjla naq Rbzre ner qrsvavgryl Telssvaqbef (naq Rbzre vf bar bs gubfr erpxyrff ubg-urnqrq barf) naq V qrsvavgryl nterr gung Ryirf ner Enirapynj, nybat jvgu fbzr bs gurz orvat Telssvaqbef (yvxr Yrtbynf, jub pbhyq nyfb or n Uhssyrchss orpnhfr bs uvf yblnygl). Ohg, yvxr lbh fnvq, Uboovgf ner qrsvavgryl Uhssyrchssf (GURL YVIR VA UBOOVG UBYRF GURL NER YVXR ONQTREF BE SBE FBZR BS GURZ UBARL ONQTREF JUB QBA'G TVIR N SHPX :Q ) Qrargube vf n Fylgureva–Snenzve V jbhyq fnl vf n Enirapynj juvyr Obebzve jbhyq or n Telssvaqbe (ur jnagrq gur Evat, ohg hygvzngryl vg jnf sbe gur cebgrpgvba bs uvf crbcyr fb abg ernyyl frys-freivat? Naljnl ur jnf qrsvavgryl pbhentrbhf juvyr Snenzve vf zber bs gur fpubyneyl glcr). V guvax fbzr jbhyq nethr Guenaqhvy jbhyq or n Fylgureva, nygubhtu V qvfnterr fgebatyl (bar bs zl snibevgr punenpgref va 'Gur Uboovg' naq V guvax gur zbfg zvfhaqrefgbbq ol ernqref). Nal rys jub yvirf va Zvexjbbq jbhyq unir n ynetr nzbhag bs Telssvaqbe-yvxr dhnyvgvrf, fvzcyl orpnhfr bs jurer gurl yvir.

        Spoilers for a major character in 'The Silmarillion' for those who have not read—

        poNaq, rira gubhtu ur'f abg n srngherq punenpgre (nygubhtu zragvbarq va cnffvat), Srnabe jnf qrsvavgryl n Fylgureva…jvgu ynetr qbfrf bs gur bgure guerr ubhfrf. V unir n fgenatr ybir bs Srnabe (V fuvc Srnabe/Areqnary fb uneq). Ur vf n ONZS qrfcvgr gur cebcrafvgl bs orvat na nffubyr.

        I obviously cannot contain myself.

  54. msnaddie says:

    I wish Pottermore's opened already :'(

    Haha I just felt like sorting the P&P women into Houses, just because.

    Jane: Hufflepuff through and through. Easiest sorting ever.
    Lizzie: Ravenclaw, no doubt.
    Mary: Ravenclaw. Huh, kind of interesting to see two distinct Ravenclaws, but at the core Lizzie and Mary is pretty much similar to each other (just in terms of their reading and thirst for education/knowledge or what counts for it at the time.)
    Kitty: Can I peg her for Gryffindor? I don't know why, but she doesn't seem very Hufflepuff to me.
    Lydia: Hmmmmm. I'm tempted to say Slytherin, but honestly she's just flighty and not really ambitious. If she were really ambitious she wouldn't have settled for Wickham. So… Gryffindor? Or another Hufflepuff?
    Caroline: Slytherin. I actually kind of like her character a lot, ha.
    Mrs. Bennet: Hufflepuff. An annoying Hufflepuff, kind of like Zacharias Smith heh (wait he was a Hufflepuff right? Must re-read books).

    This is fun ๐Ÿ˜€ You can get a bit obsessive over sorting these fictional characters into houses though, haha.

    • msnaddie says:

      Actually, rethinking about it, Lizzie might have some Slytherin traits in her as well, ha. (And I love her for it.)

  55. notemily says:

    On a random note, I'll take a stab at Gossip Girl, although I might be the only one who watches it around here: Chuck and Blair, Slytherins to the core. Dan, Gryffindor. Nate and Serena, Hufflepuff. Lily, Slytherin. Rufus, Gryffindor, aka the house of big stupid sweeping romantic gestures. Eric, Jenny, and Vanessa I'm having trouble placing.

  56. Erica says:

    Katniss is a Hufflepuff.

  57. Andrew says:

    "Always the innocent are the first to die."

    Foreshadowing poor Cedric. ๐Ÿ™

  58. I was totally expecting Ravenclaw at the highest, then either Slytherin or Hufflepuff as far as Pottermore went. And then… I got sorted into Gryffindor. Ha, what? I'm the biggest coward ever! I'm not extremely unhappy about it or anything, it just struck me as really odd. But I think that's just part of the sorting process, really – you don't know for sure what you're going to get until you get it.

    …Though I'm sure it would be a bit different if we could telepathically ask the Hat to consider a different house =P

    I have too much fun sorting my favorite characters into houses! A lot of them tend to be Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, though. I suppose I just really like the nice ones. That said! Would Lyra and Will be straight up Gryffindors, or would the cleverness they display be enough to get into Slytherin or Ravenclaw? Of course, there's also the fact that they are both hard workers, especially by the end of the book. Interesting indeed!

    Still, it's hard to really categorize characters. I once tried to categorize characters from a series based on the Major Arcana from Tarot, mostly because I'm a big fan of the Persona series and characters representing the different cards is one of its shticks. Some of them would just click amazingly well, but others are sort of a blend. I suppose that's kind of a sign as to the characters themselves – there's a lot to them, so it's not always possible to just stick them in with one group and call it good. They'd be the ones like Harry who could have gone either way.

    …Or maybe I just think about this too much!

  59. Nick (delurking) says:

    The Eleventh Doctor is totally a Ravenclaw, you guys. He's definitely got major traits from all four houses, but his cleverness and sort of absent-minded-geniusness dominates over his more Hufflepufflike traits.

    Maybe Matt Smith would be a Hufflepuff. But Eleven is a Ravenclaw.

    And as long as we're Sorting real people, I'd like to remark on something I realised while reading Stephen Fry's autobiography "Moab is my Washpot" — Stephen Fry is totally a Slytherin. You might place him in Ravenclaw at first glance for being so terribly clever, but school-age Stephen was definitely a Slytherin through and through.

  60. Sarah says:

    Jack = Gryffindor
    Kate = Gryffindor
    James/Sawyer = Slytherin
    Hurley = Hufflepuff! (I adore him)
    Sayid = Slytherin
    Sun = Ravenclaw
    Jin = Ravenclaw
    Locke = Slytherin if there EVER was one! 100%
    Ben = Ditto. He bleeds green.
    Charlie = Hufflepuff
    Michael = Hufflepuff
    Desmond = Gryffindor
    Juliet = Ravenclaw

    I feel like I'm forgetting someone… but that's all I can think of right now.

    • Sarah says:

      And, yes, I am ALWAYS sorting people that I know and read about ๐Ÿ™‚ It's so fun!!!

    • Nick says:

      Miles = Slytherin
      Daniel = Ravenclaw
      Charlotte = Ravenclaw
      Rose = Gryffindor
      Bernard = Ravenclaw
      Eko = Slytherin
      Ana-Lucia = Gryffindor
      Libby = Hufflepuff
      Richard = Hufflepuff

      Some explanations may be necessary:
      — Rose is sort of on the border with Hufflepuff, but I'd count her personal courage as being greater than her loyalty. Witness how she & Bernard basically opt out of all the island shenanigans towards the end and go off on their own.
      — People may expect Ana-Lucia to be a Slytherin simply because she's morally grey and not that likeable, but she really doesn't fit with the typical Slytherin traits. Gryffindor works better for her.
      — Richard in Hufflepuff may also be surprising (it surprised ME when I thought about it), but it actually fits really well. He's definitely loyal and hard-working when he works for Jacob, and he's not particularly brave or courageous (Gryffindor) or clever (Ravenclaw) or ambitious or cunning (Slytherin). Richard Alpert is a Hufflepuff.

      • Sarah says:

        I think you're spot on! Rose is, above all, very brave. I adore her. And Bernard. They're both wonderful people.
        I hate Ana-Lucia. I just want her to be a Slytherin just because I don't like her! haha
        I love Richard too. I think he's a perfect Hufflepuff. He's the definition of loyal.

  61. FuTeffla says:

    I spent years mentally placing my sister in Gryffindor, only for her to take on a very affronted expression when I told her this – as far as she's concerned, we're *both* Ravenclaws ๐Ÿ˜€

  62. Jordan says:

    Actually, I'd say Rory is the Gryffindor and Amy is the Hufflepuff. Rory is incredibly brave and chivalrous, and Amy is incredibly loyal (constantly choosing Rory over the Doctor).

  63. @GalFawkes says:

    Disney heroines!

    Ariel – Gryffindor; Belle – Ravenclaw; Jasmine – Slytherin, because why not? I also happen to think Albus Severus will be sorted into Slytherin and make friends with Scorpius; Pocahontas – Gryffindor; Esmeralda – Gryffindor; Megara – Slytherin; Mulan – Gryffindor; Tiana – Hufflepuff; Rapunzel – Slytherpuff; Kiara – Gryffindor;

    Now the princes: Eric – Hufflepuff; Beast (I hear his name was Adam) – Slytherin; Aladdin – Gryffindor; John Smith – Slytherclaw, can't decide; Phoebus – Slytherdor/Gryffirin? while Quasimodo is a Hufflepuff; Hercules – Gryffinpuff; Li Shang – Slytherdor/Gryffirin?; Prince Naveen – Slytherin; Flynn Rider – Slytherin; Kovu – Slytherin

    12th Night characters: Sir Andrew Aguecheek and Duke Orsino – Gryffindor; Sebastian – Ravenclaw; Olivia, Maria, Toby Belch, Malvolio – Slytherin…

  64. Tilja says:

    I know I'm late, but I just want to say that Mulder is definitely a Ravenclaw. In every instance, he's more knowledgeable and smarter than Scully, making her a very common brain when compared to his cleverness and enterprising nature. He was said to be the best at all his classes and also very keen on any sort of experiments to get to the bottom of the truth. Scully would be a very good Griffindor to my mind. She's brave, strong and intelligent and doesn't back away from any danger. That's how I place them by house.

  65. Susan says:

    Definite Hufflepuff here.

  66. @maybegenius says:

    The cookies I just ate were definitely Hufflepuffs.

    Oh my god this made me laugh SO MUCH.

  67. daisysparrow says:

    So, the night before the last Harry Potter movie came out, I was at history camp (don't judge, you know you're jealous ๐Ÿ™‚ ), and they WOULDN'T LET US LEAVE to see the movie even though everyone wanted to see it because it was, basically, NERD CAMP. So, we sat around all night sorting figures from early American history and writing essays. This is what we came up with: Patrick Henry: Gryffindor, Benedict Arnold: Slytherin, Thomas Jefferson: Ravenclaw, John Adams: Hufflepuff (but, like, the Ernie Macmillan of Hufflepuff), James Monroe and James Madison were Hufflepuffs, Alexander Hamilton: Slytherin, Samuel Adams: Gryffindor, Benjamin Franklin: Ravenclaw, etc. History for the win!

  68. bookgal12 says:

    This rash of sorting non- harry potter character into houses has gotten me thinking about Firefly. So, here is my list of who I think should be in each house.

    Mal- Gryffindor
    Inara- Ravenclaw
    Kaylee- Hufflepuff/Gryffindor
    Wash- Hufflepuff
    Zoe- Gryffindor
    Simon- Ravenclaw
    River- Ravenclaw
    Janye- Slytherin
    Badger- Slytherin
    The operative- Slytherin forever!
    Book- Gryffindor or Hufflepuff
    Early- Slytherin

  69. Malyn says:

    Peeta Mellark is the DEFINITION of a Hufflepuff. I'd put Katniss in Gryffindor, and Cinna is very much a Ravenclaw. Gale's a….Slytherdor? I can't place him

  70. tigerpetals says:

    So this is super late, but fic rec.
    Deciding Detentions by flaminia_x
    Your average faculty meeting at Hogwarts.

  71. @BiologyCat says:

    Random, but in college my room mate and I didn't *sort* what houses our professors would be in…we just had detailed conversations on what Hogwarts professors they would be based on their personalities and specialty areas.

  72. PONY MCPONY says:

    Twilight Sparkle is a Ravenclaw, Applejack is a Gryffindor, Rainbow Dash is also Gryffindor(Or maybe Slytherin), Rarity is probably Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, Fluttershy is a Gryffindor by far, and Pinkie Pie is the headmaster. Maybe she would invent a whole new house, and let everypony in, except those mean ol'Slytherin meaniepantses.
    And she would let the Whomping Willow join too, and all the classes would be parties held in the shrieking shack.

  73. IrkenInvader says:

    Zim is Hufflepuff trying to be Slytherin, but SO bad at it.
    GIR is in the House of Piggy. Come to think of it, so is Gaz.
    And Dib is Hufflepuff trying to be Gryffindor.
    Professor Membrane is Hufflepuff trying to be Ravenclaw.
    Ms. Bitters is the House of Terrifying. Come to think of it, so is Gaz.

  74. loonyloopylupin says:

    Veidt is so fucking Slytherin that I wish Jo would rewrite this book and just add a bit where "Veidt, Adrian!" is Sorted into Slytherin.
    Jon can be in any house he wants.
    Blake would be expelled after two or three days.
    And Rorschach is a…. Gryffinclaw? Ravendor?

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