Twenty-one days after it happens, Takumi rejoins the group and the Colonel finds a better way of determining what caused Alaska to get so upset. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Looking For Alaska.
twenty-one days after
It’s amazing to me how much better this book gets when the main characters aren’t spending as much time whining about how terrible their lives are because of Alaska. It seems that, for the most part, that phase of grief has finally passed. I used to think it was silly to say that time would help heal the pain of death, and that was especially true for the month after my father died. And then time passed. And then I started to heal, and now I can talk about it without feeling sad or hurt. It’s just a thing that happened in my past now. I do miss my father from time to time, but he’s gone and he’s been gone a long time. There’s really not much that I can do at all about that.
I’d like to think that Dr. Hyde is helping Miles in a way that caters to his intellect. I don’t think his lessons or what John Green includes in the book are the most subtle and nuanced uses of religious tenets ever, but I appreciate them being here in the first place. It was impossible for me, even as a fairly strict atheist, to even think about my father’s death in those early days without turning to questions of spirituality and religion. My atheism is partly based on logic, but, as I explained while reading His Dark Materials, it mostly comes from a feeling and an internal understanding. I don’t feel there is anything out there, and no amount of reason or compassion has ever made me feel differently. The same thing goes for my father; his death didn’t make me believe in an afterlife or feel an inkling to turn to some deistic being for guidance. But I certainly wondered what happened after death, and that made me relate a lot to what Miles thinks in this chapter:
As much as I wanted to know how Alaska had died, I wanted to know where she was now, if anywhere. I liked to imagine her looking down on us, still aware of us, but it seemed like a fantasy, and I never really felt it–just as the Colonel had said at the funeral that she wasn’t there, wasn’t anywhere. I couldn’t honestly imagine her as anything but dead, her body rotting in Vine Station, the rest of her just a ghost alive only in our remembering. Like Rabe’a, I didn’t think people should believe in God because of heaven and hell. But I didn’t feel a need to run around with a torch. You can’t burn down a made-up place.
This might be my favorite thing Green’s written in Looking For Alaska so far, and I love the importance put on a feeling. So much of how humans interact with one another regarding religion is based on tenets, on logical fallacies, on extremist statements of certainty and fury, and the one thing both sides seem to discount the quickest is a feeling. As I said, I am an atheist because I can’t feel like being anything else. It just feels right to me. That’s what I struggled with growing up, so I found it fascinating that Green describes Miles imagining Alaska “looking down on [them]” as a fantasy. I remember being taught to pray at a very early age, but I recognized pretty quickly that it just felt wrong. I felt like I was talking to no one; I was convinced that God never spoke to me in any way, that the best I could do was simply imagine what his response would be. Everything I did in the Catholic church felt the same: it was a well-rehearsed sham for me, devoid of any personal meaning or value, and empty gesture that increasingly became sort of disrespectful as I continued it. I started feeling like a fraud in that church, you know? All these people took their faith seriously, and they all seemed to be so confident in their belief, their actions lining up perfectly with the words coming out of their mouths, their thoughts in perfect alignment with their hearts.
And there I was, my hollow praying and reverence so much like a mockery of the whole thing.
So I had to leave.
As if I somehow knew what was coming up, this chapter also marks the return of Takumi, who seems like he was pretty content to hold up his end of this mutual ignoring of Miles and the Colonel while they all coped. It’s awkward, and it’s exactly as I expected it to be: really goddamn sad.
twenty-seven days after
As soon as the Colonel told Miles that they needed to steal the Eagle’s breathalyzer, I figured out why pretty quickly. Oh, boy. If Alaska got a .24, that means the Colonel is going to have to get utterly wasted. Do you know how drunk that is? Also HOW IS STEALING FROM THE EAGLE A GOOD IDEA. Sweet summer child, this can’t end well, can it?
I was glad that Miles and the Colonel, at the very least, convinced Takumi that perhaps he shouldn’t get involved with their shenanigans just yet, though they are being a bit unfair about it. They’ve ignored him for like twenty days straight! But once I got to the scene in the Eagle’s house, I was happy Takumi had nothing to do with it. I MEAN WHAT WERE THEY THINKING. Even worse, there’s no way in the world that the Eagle isn’t aware that he was just distracted by Miles; the Colonel’s shoes squeak in the living room! Given what happens later, I think that’s why the Eagle shows up in their dorm room.
The Eagle is a weird character once you stop and think about it. We don’t really know that much about him and aside from the day he announced Alaska’s death, he doesn’t have much emotional depth. He’s just the guy who busts everyone else at this school with his slightly-odd sense of morality. I don’t know if Green will include more about him, but I wouldn’t mind it at this point.
OKAY DRUNK TIME. First off, the best thing that Chip’s ever said:
“If drunk were cookies, I’d be Famous Amos.”
That barely makes any sort of sense. I LOVE IT.
I knew that the Colonel wouldn’t reach .24 as early as he thought he would. This was all obviously leading to its inevitable confusion: there is no way Alaska could have been that drunk and driven her car purposely into the police cruiser. Before that moment of epiphany comes, the Eagle arrives, just as I’d expected, but Miles brilliantly gets the Colonel to cry. He chooses to smoke so that it looks like he is just staying awake to support his friend. THIS WAS SO CLOSE. Miles gets Jury a second time, and they both narrowly escape a worse fate.
The Colonel, however, cannot escape being drunk as hell. This whole experiment is such a silly idea lacking in any sense of insight, but it at least convinces the Colonel to abandon the entire idea that she killed herself. I’m glad for that, at the very least because then I won’t have to read about him and Miles complaining about what an awful person she is.
twenty-eight days after
It’s long after the fact–nearly a month now–before Miles and the Colonel come clean about their behavior and explain how they probably contributed to the death of Alaska. He takes it well, I suppose; I sort of expected him to be more shocked about it, but the idea doesn’t upset him at all. However, he unequivocally thinks calling Alaska’s boyfriend, Jake, is a monumentally poor idea:
“I feel like maybe some of that shit should stay private.”
And I’m inclined to agree.
twenty-nine days after
I like having Takumi around and I hope he’s around more often. He’s got absolutely no tolerance for bullshit, and in just a matter of minutes, he’s already heaping well-deserved scorn on Miles for the way he’s framing Alaska. It’s nice to have that voice in the text, to show the reader that Miles’s behavior and obsession is unhealthy in a way, that taking a person’s life and making it all about you is a pretty shitty thing to do. Of course, he’s pretty much shocked into silence when Miles makes the mistake of almost bragging about kissing Alaska the night she died, which essentially proves Takumi’s point: Miles is ridiculous.
I will admit to laughing at Miles and Takumi having to jump in the shower, fully clothed, because they believed the Eagle had arrived. It’s made even better when they emerge from the bathroom, soaked from the chest down, to discover that it was just the Colonel, who’s returned from his extremely long phone call with Jake.
I admit that it’s kind of interesting that the tone of this all has taken a lean more towards an actual mystery and less of this idea that Alaska’s life is meant for growth. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to find out the events that led a person to die, but I still think that Takumi’s ultimately right: some of this stuff is meant to stay private, and for good reason. I wonder how this idea will be addressed as more of this story is revealed. It’s clear there’s something “missing” from all of this, since the information from Jake’s call pretty much answers almost every question the Colonel and Miles had. We know where the tulips came from and who called her, but no one can figure out what it was that upset Alaska so much that she had to leave right at that moment. Takumi, once again, reduces this all to the basic element at hand: the only way they can truly figure this out is to read Alaska’s mind. Which isn’t going to happen.
And I also don’t think the Colonel is ready to give up, either.
"And I’m inclined to agree."
I seriously heard John Green's voice when I read this!
also: Mark, are you planning on watching brotherhood 2.0. / vlogbrothers?
I just watched brotherhood 2.0 in like one week and it was a week made of awesome 😀
Wow so many LforA reviews to catch up on!
I blame The Book Thief! I received it for my birthday and have been zooming through it (it's delicious) and the reviews for it! I've just learned about The Incident of Being Lost in the Snow Blizzard in Boston (or Taking a Turn Through Blizzardy Boston) and I looked out the window and I want snow yes please and thank you very much.
Last year my Snowman was turned into a Snowlady in a manner that I'm sure you can imagine. I would post pictures but they are … inappropriate.
The Book Thief! <3 I love that book so much and I love that Mark made me re-read it when I had forgotten just how awesomely awesome it was! Three cheers for Mark Reads!
ps your snowlady sounds great LOL 😀
'This might be my favorite thing Green’s written in Looking For Alaska so far, and I love the importance put on a feeling. So much of how humans interact with one another regarding religion is based on tenets, on logical fallacies'
I loved that part, too. I was raised in the complete absents of religion, not really atheistic as no one ever told me there is no god either. It was always hard for me to understand why atheists and theists are trying to convince each other all the time, when no argument can really give or take faith, just like no pro or con list can help make you fall in love with someone.
The whole phone call with Jake confuses me, I mean, what happened that made Alaska leave in such a hurry?
The book title comes in to play here, they really are Looking for Alaska now, or for the thoughts that ran through her mind that day.
What I would love to know as an atheist: Does believing in heaven or an afterlife help to get over the pain?
I wish sometimes that I could believe the ones I have lost are looking down, watching over me, but like Miles, I just can't.
It's something people usually say, like Alaska's dad did at her funeral "She is with the Lord".
Is it a comfort to know you will see the person again?
That barely makes any sort of sense. I LOVE IT.
He probably got drunk on cactus juice. It IS the quenchiest, after all! 😀 (I really don't want to imagine getting that drunk for real, though. omfg ew. I would've been spending the night hugging the toilet way before that point!)
I really liked that line about the image of Alaska looking down on them seeming like a fantasy, because that's how I've always felt about that kind of thing too. It's a nice idea (as long as you don't think about it too hard and let it get into creepy "people in heaven are voyeurs" territory… what? My mind always went there, I CAN'T HELP IT), but I never really felt it either. The ideas of "heaven" and "hell" just seemed like distant concepts, made up things like something out of a fairy tale, no more real than dragons or elves. And frankly, I'd rather have the dragons and elves, because the whole idea of condemning someone to burning and torture for all eternity is problematic and awful to me. I don't begrudge anyone the comfort of thinking their loved ones are in a good place and they'll reunite with them someday, but the whole heaven/hell thing is just fraught with issues I can't get past. It's probably part of why I never felt it, and never felt anything when I tried to pray as a kid. It just doesn't work for me, never did. I never got the sense that anyone else was listening and it always felt so useless to me. I get irritated when people say stuff like "I'll pray for you/them" because of that. I know that some people that say that mean well, but… eh. I HAVE ISSUES, LET ME SHOW YOU THEM. 😀
And frankly, I'd rather have the dragons and elves,
YES.
Actually, yes to everything you said, but particularly that part.
I get irritated when people say stuff like "I'll pray for you/them" because of that.
I completely get where you're coming from, even as someone who's religious I find it kind of a weird thing to say. However I've found that a lot of times when people say that they'll pray for you, they're really saying that they'd like to help but don't really know what to do. I know this isn't always the case when people say that, but I know that's why I always follow it up with "Let me know if you need anything."
I get irritated when people say stuff like "I'll pray for you/them" because of that. I know that some people that say that mean well, but… eh. I HAVE ISSUES, LET ME SHOW YOU THEM.
I AM EXACTLY THE SAME. It kind of pisses me off, which I know is not the desired effect at all and people are just trying to be supportive, so then I feel like a horrible person. Pray for people who follow your religion and for whom it's significant and a genuine show of support! Don't pray for me (Argentina); if I wanted prayers I'd be religious myself! Somehow I can't articulate why this bothers me So. Much. If anyone else has some insight into this I'd really love to hear it.
-I know why it bothers me! It feels PATRONISING. I just hear it as, 'Oh, all your struggling and fighting and anti-depressants aren't going to do jack, you might as well stop trying to crawl out of bed every morning you silly little atheist; I'll pray to GANDALF and that will TOTALLY FIX IT FOR YOU.'
I recognise that I'm an awful person and I totally just compared Christian god to Gandalf. I almost said Dumbledore, but that was a bad example of a person I don't think is real, because DUMBLEDORE IS TOTALLY REAL OKAY.
"He’s got absolutely no tolerance for bullshit"
I think that's one of the things I like about Takumi. I kind of wish he figured a bit more in the story.
If we’re running with the whole “only seeing what Miles sees” perspective, you could argue that now he’s not constantly distracted with Alaska’s presence (her absence, yes, but he’s not making googly eyes at her) he’s starting to notice other people more and their stories and personalities are beginning to show more.
That's an interesting thought, hadn't occurred to me – makes a lot of sense.
I feel the same way with religion, I can't even pretend because that feels awful and disrespectful. The closest I got to being religious is when I was a kid and my mom asked where God lived. I told her it depends. She asked where God lived in her, and I told her in her heart. She asked where God lived in my dad and I said in his heart. When she asked where God lived in me, though, I told her in my stomach.
Then, one night (being the picky eater that I was and still am) I asked her what was for dinner, and when she told me, I made a face. She said, "Let me guess, you don't like it." My response? "Oh, I'm fine with it, but God's not going to be very happy."
Another time I swallowed my gum, and when my mom tried to admonish me, I skirted it by saying, "No, I didn't swallow it! I just gave it to God." You can't really be mad at a child who is giving things selflessly to God 😀
Sorry, super random side tangent about religion, but I figured it might make a person or two smile!
🙂
THAT IS THE BEST STORY I'VE EVER HEARD. GOD IS NOT GONNA BE HAPPY ABOUT DINNER, SRSLY.
I loved how you talked about going to church and how it
"became sort of disrespectful as I continued it. I started feeling like a fraud in that church, you know? All these people took their faith seriously, and they all seemed to be so confident in their belief, their actions lining up perfectly with the words coming out of their mouths, their thoughts in perfect alignment with their hearts."
I felt exactly this way in the catholic church. It's really hard to explain that to people who haven't felt it… my parents like to think that I was just rebelling because religion is inconvenient, but it feels so Wrong to go… in so many ways.
"I felt exactly this way in the catholic church. It's really hard to explain that to people who haven't felt it… my parents like to think that I was just rebelling because religion is inconvenient, but it feels so Wrong to go… in so many ways."
I am the same way but I usually get up and go anyway when I am home 'cause I know my parents will be dissappointed if I dont. While I am there I go through all the motions except for things like the Profession of Faith, which would be a lie if I said it. The only times I have been able to skip have been when I was sick or when everyone else was going to the earlier mass (I refuse to get out of bed at that time for church).