Despite that I am about fifty pages from the end of George R.R. Martin’s A Clash of Kings, I actually sat down and composed these twenty-five predictions just after I finished A Game of Thrones. It’s really fun to take time and and think about these characters, to make predictions and theories, and then to laugh and cringe at how terrible I am at it. Am I even remotely prepared for this book? PROBABLY NOT.
I realize how painful this is, so please do your best not to spoil me on this book or any future books in this series. I imagine I’ll finish A Clash of Kings this weekend and post my one-off review next week, and I’m hoping to free up some time to do a version of Mark Reads with A Storm of Swords, perhaps by grouping 3-5 chapters at a time. Either way, I’ll figure something out.
ONWARDS
Mark’s Awful Predictions For A Clash Of Kings
- Arya Stark will make it to the Wall, but it will be after Jon Snow has left to travel north of the Wall.
- She will then discover a way to sneak out of the Wall and will meet up with Jon at the end of the novel.
- Jon Snow will encounter something worse than a wight by the end of the novel.
- Samwell will die when he goes north of the wall. (I hate typing that because I adore him so much, but if Ned Stark can die, any other character who I enjoy can die as well.
- Bran will remember how he fell from the tower, and will use that information to help his brother Robb fight against the Lannisters.
- Robb will give Theon Greyjoy a huge responsibility during a specific battle, but Theon’s arrogance/ego will get in the way and he’ll fail at what he was ordered to die and he will die.
- We will finally meet Stannis Baratheon! We kind of have to, since he is laying a claim to the Iron Throne.
- Jamie Lannister will escape imprisonment by the halfway point of the novel.
- Tyrion will attempt to travel to King’s Landing, but won’t make it there before the halfway point of the novel. I think something or someone will stop him from getting there.
- Cersei Lannister will take a more pronounced role as the Hand of the King/Regent (whatever she is), and will not allow Joffrey to make any real decisions, and that will in turn transform him into an even bigger shitbag than he already is.
- Sansa (I LOVE YOU SANSA) will plot with someone we have not met to murder Joffrey and Cersei, but will abandon this by the end of the book when a better plan is proposed.
- King Renly will eventually concede the crown to Stannis and join up with his brother by the novel’s end.
- Daenarys and Ser Mormont will travel to Asshai first to begin recruiting people to cross the Narrow Sea. The existence of her dragons will help this.
- Daenarys will encounter Dothraki soldiers by the end of the novel and will fight them, with the help of her dragons, to defeat them, thereby making her the most powerful force in the East, so that by the end of the novel, she will have gathered a massive army to cross the Narrow Sea.
- We will discover that Syrio Forel is still alive.
- Lord Varys will be incredibly difficult with Tyrion when he arrives at King’s Landing, but we won’t find out why until the end of the novel.
- Lord Baelish will die by the end of the book.
- By the halfway point, we will find out that Benjen Stark died.
- Tywin Lannister will forbid Shae from coming to King’s Landing, and it will break Tyrion’s heart to leave her behind. However, she will find a way to sneak in by the end of the book.
- Catelyn Stark will return to Winterfell to be with her sons and will not join Robb in battle.
- Bran will discover some sort of ~magical~ method to heal his paralysis, will agree to do it, but it will not work.
- Jon Snow will learn of a possible character who could be his mother by the end of the novel.
- Jon Snow will get separated from Ghost until the end of the book.
- Catelyn will find out who sent someone to kill Bran with Tyrion’s dagger.
- Arya will train her sword fighting at the Wall, and her improvement will save someone’s life at the end of the novel.
WELL, THERE WE GO. Oh god UNPREPARED FOREVER.
Really I post a comment asking what happened to this post and you post it minutes later? Mark you're like the best blogger ever. Also GAUGDIUSFGUGUSGYUFGSUGFPS cant….say….anything about book.
Oh Mark, since you have almost finished the book, you also must be laughing at some of these. 😛
I don't think I have ever been so categorically wrong in my whole life.
i just
grrm crushes joy and hope.
lol, but it really makes for hilarious reading.
Your predictions, that is. Not the endless GRRM-induced tears.
I fixed it for you.
I fixed it for you.
MY GOD THAT IS BEAUTIFUL
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Yup. Pretty accurate.
SO BEAUTIFUL!!
Some of these are hilarious but absolutely gutwrenching at the same time. 🙁
Oh Mark, you are still naive BLESS.
<img src="http://www.myfacewhen.net/uploads/716-you-must-be-new.jpg">
Best pic EVER!
Oh Mark. Poor, poor Mark. You're far too optimistic to be reading these books. I'm just laughing wildly at how hopeful some of these predictions are.
To be fair I think most of us shared these hopes on our first reads.
Yeah, that's probably true. I can barely remember those days, when I still had happiness and hope in my life. These days I just sit around crying and mopping up my tears with A Dance With Dragons.
Ahh ADWD. It has just enough pages to last as tissues for the series so far.
On my first read, I was sure there had been some mistake, and Ned wasn't really dead, since we don't actually witness the moment his head comes off from any character's point of view. I mean, he's clearly the hero, right? And the hero CAN'T die in the first book! ;p
I know, right? I have to say, I had a really embarrassing crackpot theory where I thought Ned was still alive because Varys had disguised himself as Ned and was killed in his place.
Looking back, it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, but I was so convinced Ned couldn't die. And because GRRM kept showing us examples where Varys disguised himself really effectively and pushing it in our faces how good he was at it, I thought there had to be a reason for it.
It took me until about halfway through Clash till I accepted Ned was really dead.
Even though it was a really ridiculous theory, that's the kind of thinking you need to have when reading these books. Unless you see a body from at least one POV, chances are that character isn't really dead.
Indeed. Always question the source of any information you are given. How do we know? What is character X's agenda? How do they feel about Y?
You are so wonderfully unprepared 😀 / D:
George Troll Martin never gets old.
Since you've nearly finished can I say how amazing this list was?
LIKE
I'm usually half and half, sometimes creepily right.
yeah well.
Don't worry about being off-no one can predict GRRM, it's just not possible. He really is laughing himself silly in some corner of his home, gleefully plotting ways to throw off, shock, and devastate his readers.
And I LOVE it
I'm beginning to think that GRRM makes a list of all possible options (for any possible situation) and then picks the second-most depressing option.
Can't wait to see how your WRONGNESS here will affect your predictions for aSoS. *cackled villainously*
Seriously, though; just when you think you know what's going to happen, GRRM turns the plot upside down and shakes it.
I'm so happy that you love Sansa because she gets SO MUCH HATE in the fandom. I love her, too.
All of the Sansa love in these comments brings me joy because of that hate. When I finally got some of my friends to read the books, I was SO RELIEVED that they liked her. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy to be around people with good taste.
I didn't even know that it was a THING to hate her! I just assumed people went through the same as me: they were irritated by her because ARYA = PERFECTION, but then became HEARTBROKEN and SYMPATHETIC towards her.
I really disliked her during Game of Thrones because she mocked Arya, lied about what happened on the Trident, and then betrayed Ned to Cersei resulting in her entire household and father being murdered. It took me a while to forgive her for that even though I realized she was just a naive little girl who didn't have any idea what would result of her (deeply misguided) desire to stay with Joffrey.
But even before I got over my anger at her I still empathized with her – she's being abused by knights in full mail, for crying out loud! To hear internet fandom tell it though, Sansa gets "what she deserves" AND I JUST CANNOT EVEN DEAL WITH THAT. SHE'S LIKE ELEVEN/TWELVE AND HAS NO IDEA ABOUT ALL THE DEADLY POLITICAL MANEUVERING. It's even more frustrating when you factor in all of the love various despicable characters get due to their "redemption" – seasoned murderers can get all the fan love from some of these people, but a little girl who made a few mistakes because she didn't know any better? LOL NOPE.
FFFFUUUUUUUUU–
Yeah, I felt the same way, then I realized that if I was eleven and being a Princess was a viable career option, I would have been an obnoxious little shit too. Sansa's made her mistakes, but God knows that she suffered for them.
Ugh, sorry about the tl:dr I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS OKAY
I kind of feel like GRRM didn't bother to round Sansa out much beyond "subverted spoiled princess" in the first book and the jerks in fandom can't bother to see beyond that. The fact that she doesn't have a second thought about the Lannisters until Joffrey cuts her father's head off really bothers me. I just can't understand how even a silly little girl full of dreams could watch Joffrey slice Mycah's face open and continue to think "I want to marry him! SO GALLANT. AND HIS LIPS, THEY ARE LOVELY. I SHALL PRETEND I DIDN’T SEE HIM MUTILATE A CHILD TO PROTECT HIM."
The show explained Sansa's lying about what happened at the Trident better by letting Ned say "she's betrothed to the prince, she has to stand by him no matter what," but that reasoning really isn't shown in Sansa's POV in the books (or Ned's, for that matter). She's just mad at Arya for spoiling her alone time with Joffrey and her father for killing Lady – not at Joff or the Queen, despite the oh-so-evident fuckery on their parts. Which…IDK, the way Martin wrote her chapters doesn’t make a lot of sense to me sometimes. Sansa isn’t even concerned by Joffrey’s creepy actions? Who is she, Bella Swan? (Now that I think of it, Edward is probably a better boyfriend. Oh god why did I have that thought).
Someone online who watched the show and hadn't read the books said early on that Sansa would totally be a Twihard today. Given what happens to her later, I like to think the same.
Did she know about Mycah though. After all, it was the Hound who delivered his body to her father, and I can't see any reason for Ned to have informed her of his actions at that point. Maybe Arya, but Sansa? Unlikely.
Also, she's 11, she's sheltered, she's grown up with fairy tales. It's easy to see her thinking beauty = good.
I don't know for certain whether Sansa knew Mycah was killed, but I imagine Arya rubbed it in pretty thoroughly even if it wasn't mentioned in chapter (Arya DEFINITELY knows what happened to him, she thinks/talks about it A LOT). That's not what I was talking about though. I was referring to when Sansa and Joffrey found Arya and Mycah practicing swordplay on the Trident.
Joffrey belittled Mycah and was deliberately cruel (cutting him open and challenging unarmed kid to a duel just because he CAN) and Sansa just… didn't notice Joffrey's sadism? Or didn't care? She just never seems to think about it and I think even the most naive of children would be given pause by Joff's actions. He attacks the kid without provocation right in front of her and Sansa never gives it a second thought? What? She's so naive that it would have to be pretty shocking, so it seems she might think about it at least once in a POV. But we never get any of this event from Sansa's perspective beyond "LADY DIED AND IT'S ARYA'S FAULT" and I think that's Martin doing Sansa a disservice.
And yeah, I realize she's 11 and naive, I think I made that pretty clear in my comments… I have come to really like Sansa, I'm not meaning this as an attack on her. I think the fact that she has NO emotional response to any of the bad things that happen before Ned's death is unrealistic and GRRM making her ridiculously naive and airheaded, which probably just fuels the fan hate (which she really, really doesn't deserve).
I kind of feel like GRRM didn't bother to round Sansa out much beyond "subverted spoiled princess" in the first book and the jerks in fandom can't bother to see beyond that.
I think that is why they made her a little more self aware on the TV show. I read an interview where GRRM brings up the point that in the book, Sansa told Cersei about Ned's plan for the girls to leave Kings Landing. The interviewer said "viewers would have never forgiven her," and Martin said the some readers still haven't.
ROT13ed
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I agree with everything you rot13'd.
I remember reading that interview and approving of the change. I also remember the FAN RAGE because "how else will the TV audience now how treacherous and evil Sansa is."
…fuck those people. Seriously.
And can I just add how awesome this blog is for giving us all a place to discuss these books WITHOUT that kind of garbage? Because seriously. I have so many pent up ~feelings~ because I can't even deal with this fandom. <3 Mark Reads.
Gung fnvq, V gehfg jr nyy oryvrir gung E+Y=W, lrf?
I also probably need to take another look at the Mycah thing. I just sort of passed over that as Sansa seeing Joffrey 'rescuing' Arya from the evil, ugly peasant. But I do agree that her character was quite flat for the majority of a GoT. Then again, probably to be expected with sooooo many characters.
the people I know who hate her don't really care that she suffers and seem to think she deserves it 🙁 🙁 🙁
I think the main reason I needed to defend Sansa/articulate my thoughts about her with multiple paragraphs above is because I was talking to my mom yesterday and she called her a "stupid little bitch" and I was all "noooooooooooooo 🙁 🙁 :(" but she was not receptive to my arguments. The internet is more accepting of Sansa than mine own mother? I… I am confused…
Same. And yes, she makes mistakes, but EVERY CHARACTER IN THIS SERIES DOES. That is why it's so heartbreaking. You watch characters you love (like Ned) do DUMB THINGS like – "Hey, Cersei. Just letting you know that I know what's up. I'm being all honorable and letting you peace out now." No, Ned. NONONONO. Cersei won't let you get away with this! What are you thinking!
But I think as the series goes along (and particularly in ACOK), Sansa matures unbelievably. She may not be stabbing people and fighting wars, but she is doing battle in court and holding her own at such a young age. She does everything she can think of to try to save her father in GOT (speaking before the king even though she knows she shouldn't, etc), and my heart disintegrates for her as she realizes that life is not a song or tale of knight and maiden.
From what I can tell, a lot of people hated her in the first book, but have warmed to her since, as her arc there ended with her realizing just how wrong she was about everything and she's since revised her world view. As TV Tropes put it, Rescued from the Scrappy Heap by way of Break the Cutie.
This was so precious. I was laughing nearly the entire time.
These books are so damn addictive, I'm so glad that Mark's reading them and I can talk about them with the people on this sight.
Cersei Lannister will take a more pronounced role as the Hand of the King/Regent (whatever she is), and will not allow Joffrey to make any real decisions, and that will in turn transform him into an even bigger shitbag than he already is
The only way Joffery could turn into a bigger shit bag would be if someone literally pried his mouth open and filled him with shit. I have a pretty nuanced view of most of the characters, but I have a deep hatred for that blonde bastard.
I will say this though: Joffrey did give me a deeper appreciation for pigeon pie. That shit's delicious.
You got #7 right! That's one right?
HAHAHAHAAH ONE OUT OF TWENTY FIVE. a good record RIGHT
You were clearly thinking along the right lines for some of them, but yeah…only one actual correct prediction.
R'HLLOR TAKE THE WHEEL! I just finished the 5th book last night (after purposefully dragging it out for nearly two months) and now I dread the long wait for the next one. Thank goodness you're doing ASOS for Mark Reads and then there is always the show to look forward to.
Also, I just want to share my love for Jon Snow.
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v230/krazy_brindy/rwv294.gif" border="0" alt="Photobucket">
hnnnngh I love the GoT promos, especially this one <3
I'm still only a hundred pages into Clash of Kings, I guess I'll have to hurry up and finish it in time for the review.
Goodbye responsibilties, I HAVE READING TO DO.
<img src="http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c230/Gemini-m4c/gifs/tumblr_logwpxtRAz1qdx814.gif">
#6 is almost sorta right, Theon did fail pretty hard w/r/t getting the Iron Islands to attack Lannisport. Too bad he didn't die on Pyke though because MAN WHAT A MISOGYNIST, TREACHEROUS FUCKFACE.
I do love to hate him and LOL at his chapters though. He's just so damn stupid, I love it. "why doesn't stabbing Robb in the back feel as good as fighting a righteous battle by his side? WAAAH I DON'T GET IT"
and of course there's also when he starts thinking stuff like (Rot13 because this could be from the last 50pages, IDK):
"Jul qb Jvagresryy'f fznyysbyx ungr zr fb zhpu? V qrfreir erfcrpg! V bayl orgenlrq gurz, gbbx gurve pnfgyr, naq gbyq gurz gurve cevaprf ner qrnq. TBFU."
OH THEON, YOU ARE JUST SO PRECIOUS. You just don't get it, do you?
lol A+ analysis of Theon.
Uh..Lannisport?
# 6 is Theon fucking up a huge responsibility from Robb – didn't Robb send Theon to the Iron Islands in order to get them to join the war and attack Lannisport? Am I misremembering?
No, he did. RIGHT?
No you're right… and if I remember correctly Robb gave him an offer to take to his father? It's been awhile since I read this book.
Correct. Robb was trying to convince Balon Greyjoy to join his cause, and was like "Hey Theon, I need to win your dad to my side, go talk to him and be my messenger." Actually, I think Catelyn and at least one other person TELL Robb "hey no, don't send Theon, this is a bad idea." But Robb is all "Whaaat? He's my bff, we were totally raised together, I'm sure he can argue on my behalf."
Unfortunately Robb seems to have missed the part where Theon is an arrogant idiot.
However I am glad he sent Theon because his reunion with Asha is one of the most hilarious things ever. 😀
Oh, yes! Theon meeting up with Asha is one of the best things EVAR!!!
"Here's my husband, and here's my sweet suckling babe!"
<3 <3 <3 Love you forever Asha. Also, the way she trolls Theon is just masterful. 😀
ACoK made me hate Theon so much. He was literally second only to Joffrey in my hate. His first POV chapter is a perfect example of making a character DEPLORABLE even when they are your narrator. His treatment of the chick on the boat and his entitlement. UGH. THEON.
oh, Mark *pat pat* you tried :$
Oh, Mark! You predictions are so innocent and precious. No one can ever be prepared for the mental smackdown GRRM delivers. Good things happening to good people? Hardly ever. Bad things happening to everyone? All the frakkin' time.
So very, very excited for Mark Reads aSoS!
So…none of this stuff happens?
I am currently reading this with my boyfriend a chapter at a time, with days in between. I would usually be able to finish it on my own in 3-4 days. ARGH. I want to know what happens! On the bonus side, BF does great voices when he reads his chapters. A lot of the characters seem to be from the west country (think the farmers in Hot Fuzz).
"So…none of this stuff happens? "
…well #7 happens 😛 GRRM is so incredibly unpredictable, and Mark was very unprepared.
The best way to describe this series is relentlessly bleak (and completely addictive).
Loved your predictions! They made me giggle like Anderson Cooper!
And a huge YES to some form of aSoS reviews!!!
Mark, I really think this is the ONLY series you have watched/read that you are not prepared for. I'd say more, and almost did since you are almost done with the book, but can you really PLEASE have a post about HOW much you are not prepared? please and thank you.
HAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA!
🙂
I lOl’d, and then I jumped for joy that you were considering making traditional reviews for ASOS. Honestly, if there was any book more appropriate for doing then if would be ASOS for the nonstop WTFs and OMYGODMYHEAAAAART!!!! ASOS is a about 80 chapters long, and doing it two at a time would give us 40 reviews or so, which is not much longer than Order of the Phoenix. I’m sure you can pull it off. I’ve been asking for this since you began this site and I’m so excited i’m shaking right now. 😀
A note to everyone, definitely check out the audiobooks by Roy Dotrice (and some other shithead for Feast for Crows, but we don't like to talk about him). There's few better ways to experience this story than having an old British guy read it to you. Unfortunately, he apparently forgot how some of his character voices went by the time Dance with Dragons came out, though I won't say who as you really can never tell who will live and die in this series.
Oh Mark….
You are not prepared. I can't think of a better way to say it then that. And YES PLEASE can we possibly have many reveiws of SoS? Maybe 2 chapters at a time? Or 1, I can def. do 1 at a time 😀
hello everyone.
I finished this book last night.
WHAT THE HOLY FUCK DID I JUST READ
Lol
Is the spoiler policy lifted then?
Well, we've all been horrifically toeing the line for spoilers in this thread anyway, but there ARE those who are reading these books on their own. So! Use rot13.com for any spoilers!
Like this:
ZRYVFNAQER OVEGURQ N FUNQBJ ONOL JUNG GUR SHPX BU ZL TBQ WBA VF N PNCGVIR BS GUR JVYQYVATF BU ZL TBQ OENA NAQ EVPXBA JRERA'G QRNQ BU ZL SHPXVAT TBQ
Oh gods, Mark, I finished it last night too… we must be book twins or something. ALSO. FLUERLERLERGER WHAT?!
favorite comment EVER. This has been me for like 11 years.
Oh, Mark! I hope you aren't naive enough to think you are any more prepared for what lies ahead now than you were at the beginning of this book. Because you are just not. *cackles maniacally*
Congrats on finishing the book! Please do Storm of Swords with traditional review! that would be probably the best thing ever.
"He is the prince who was promised, and his is the song of ice and fire!"
-Rhaegar Targaryen to Mark Oshiro
So Mark have you decided if you're going to do more in-depth reviews of the other three books in this series? I know Iwould try and read along with you then get sucked into reading it all in about two days.
I have got some few chapters into this book and can I share some predictions too?
I don’t have as many or as well thought through as yours but…
* Bran will start to hear/see some signal that he takes as the children of the forest talking to him. He will in classic fashion ignore them this whole book!
* Arya will find her wolf again, or more likely her wolf will find her.
* Robb will die, and his mother will have (another) breakdown, and at the end of the book she will start planing how to personally take down the Lannisters.
* Sansa will behave around Jeff, but will find a way to make is life a pain.
* Tyrion will have to do a decision between a Lannister family member and an innocent child/bystander and will choose Lannister, but it will haunt him.
* Jon will go beyond the wall and for whatever reason be on his own for quite a while (ghost with him though), he will almost die and be saved by an person not yet introduced but will be important in the future.
http://www.myfacewhen.net/uploads/716-you-must-be…
lol but seriously, you aren't prepared. Ive found the best way to predict GRRM is to ask yourself "what is the most interesting/dramatic/plot building thing that can happen now" Most of the time you will still be surprised. GRRM is really unpredictable, and he has no mercy 😛
Hahahaha man now I can't wait to see the predictions for Storm of Swords.
YOU ARE SO NOT PREPARED. 😀
HOLY CRAP MARK I AM SO EXCITED!
*deep breath*
Oh, and you are the least prepared you have ever been in your life.
Love your blog mark! I'm so glad you decided to read asoiaf, can't wait for the Full mark Reads for Storm of Swords.
YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT PREPARED.
my predictions for the second book are basically "nobody will get where they're trying to go; nobody will do the things they want to do; and everyone will get caught up in the *DRAMA*."