{"id":4651,"date":"2018-07-26T09:00:59","date_gmt":"2018-07-26T16:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/?p=4651"},"modified":"2018-07-23T09:30:04","modified_gmt":"2018-07-23T16:30:04","slug":"mark-re-reads-monstrous-regiment-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/2018\/07\/mark-re-reads-monstrous-regiment-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Mark Re-Reads ‘Monstrous Regiment’: Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hello, Discworld<\/i> friends! I am happy that after talking with Phoenix (who commissioned the videos for the entirety of Monstrous Regiment<\/i>) and shuffling my July schedule a bit, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been able to give myself time to pull this off. And before I jump into the first re-read I have completed in YEARS (well, officially, that is, as I have re-read His Dark Materials<\/i> at least twice on my own since finishing it), I did want to talk a little about the purpose of this.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Trigger Warning: For talk of depression, anxiety<\/b><\/p>\n

First of all, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want this to come off as my attempt to have the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153right\u00e2\u20ac\u009d opinion about the book, as I imagine that that would seem rather condescending and patronizing. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take back many of the things I said or what happened in the comments in the midst of this book. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s also clear that there was sort of a perfect maelstrom of events, part of which is that Monstrous Regiment<\/i> is really challenging as a cold read, that led to a disengaged reading of the book. When I was apologizing for my behavior, I reached out to Phoenix and asked if it would be cool if I attempted my first re-read of a book in a while as an addition to my apology. I wanted to give this book the attention that it deserved, and so, primarily, this is dedicated to Phoenix. Thank you for commissioning an ENTIRE book, and I hope you enjoy these.<\/p>\n

I also wanted to wait until time had passed from my initial apology before opening up about why it may have seemed like I was distant during my read of this book. I felt it important to be present and accountable, to listen to people who I harmed, and to not distance myself from my behavior by making excuses. And this is not an excuse for it, either. I just wanted to open up a bit about what was happening behind the scenes so that I can give some insight and<\/i> talk a bit more at the end of this post about what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be doing in the future to make sure this does not happen again.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I went into Monstrous Regiment<\/i> enjoying it, loving how strange it all felt, and then being hit with an odd number of things all at once, which is now how I saw my summer unfolding. I did not expect to get edits back on Book #2 in May, only to have to turnaround of June 1, which meant that the time I had put aside for myself while on tour to read more of Monstrous Regiment<\/i> was suddenly gone. I had organized my schedule so that right after tour was done, I could actually disappear for a few days. I knew that all the socializing was going to take a toll on me, AND I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been working so hard without a break. But on top of that, I also got a last-minute request to record the audiobook for Anger Is A Gift<\/i>, and that ate four full days, too.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The point being: I went into tour knowing all my free time was gone. I met my deadline, rewriting my second book in 18 days (and regardless of what else I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll say, I actually am<\/i> quite proud of that), and then came home from tour to go right to BookCon. After a whirlwind two weeks, I felt better than I ever had in my whole life. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d written a book! I sold a TON of copies! People liked it! I WAS LIVING THE DREAM!<\/p>\n

And then that Monday morning hit, and I jumped right back into work, and I came down hard<\/i>. My depressive episode lasted from June 4 until\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 pretty much a couple days after I posted my apology? It is the longest one I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had since 2010, and I was not at all ready for it. And I knew<\/i> how bad it was, coming off the high of touring, and I knew<\/i> I felt terrible, but I made a pretty big mistake here. What I should<\/i> have done was tell y\u00e2\u20ac\u2122all, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m stressed, can I take a mental health week and I will jump back into Mark Does Stuff next week?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d But because anxiety and depression work so hard to turn my thoughts to the grimmest timeline, I convinced myself that if I just worked through it, that would be better than taking time off and risking all of you leaving and never coming back.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Gods, typing it out is SO ABSURD because HOW DID MY BRAIN BELIEVE THAT. Well, when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m in the midst of an episode, the world seems so dark and so horrible that I can convince myself of anything. So I kept going, despite being exhausted, despite that I felt like I was forcing myself to stay engaged, and then\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 oh, lord, this is JUST AS RIDICULOUS. So, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been a sensitivity reader for over three years now, and editors\/authors frequently hire me to give their manuscripts a look in terms of cultural sensitivity and authenticity. After I got back from tour, I booked five separate edits, and I knew I needed the money, and let me just tell y\u00e2\u20ac\u2122all: they were bad. REALLY, REALLY BAD. All five of them! So, imagine spending all your \u00e2\u20ac\u0153free\u00e2\u20ac\u009d time reading badly written books full of horrific stereotypes and tropes, and then add depression to that and\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n

Whew. So, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not to excuse how many things I misinterpreted, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s also clear that I had problems OUTSIDE of this episode that many of you brought up to me. But with Monstrous Regiment<\/i> in particular, my heart wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t in it because I was just so tired and sad.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This is not a pity post. I actually feel pretty good since I posted my apology and have not had an episode since then. Hell, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been a wake-up call that I need to not bottle these things up, so being honest about my mental health has been a huge help to me. I am saying all of this because I want to approach Monstrous Regiment<\/i> with both an open mind and an open heart, to not assume that Pratchett is writing in bad faith (like those other authors were, UGH, ONE BOOK I EDITED IS LITERALLY UNFIXABLE, THE WHOLE PREMISE IS A DISASTER), and to try and appreciate the complex narrative for what it was. I might come to the same conclusion about some things, and I expect to be challenged about my thoughts on others. But given the ending of the book, I think that one character in particular is going to give me a hell of a journey through this story.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So! There will be about five \u00e2\u20ac\u0153splits\u00e2\u20ac\u009d per section, one posted each weekday at this specific time. NO ROT13 IS NEEDED UNLESS IT IS FOR A FUTURE DISCWORLD<\/i> BOOK. We haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t gotten to do a fuller re-read like this, so it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be nice to read everyone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s comments and not worry about being spoiled. (I generally wait until I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve finished a series before I go back and read all the rot13.) Other than that? Enjoy these, Discworld<\/i> friends. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re for you, too.<\/p>\n

Part 1<\/b><\/p>\n