{"id":649,"date":"2011-11-17T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-11-17T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/?p=649"},"modified":"2011-11-16T21:08:05","modified_gmt":"2011-11-17T05:08:05","slug":"mark-reads-the-hobbit-chapter-19","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/2011\/11\/mark-reads-the-hobbit-chapter-19\/","title":{"rendered":"Mark Reads ‘The Hobbit’: Chapter 19"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the nineteenth (and final) chapter of The Hobbit<\/em>, Gandalf helps Bilbo return to his home. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to finish The Hobbit<\/em>.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CHAPTER NINETEEN: THE LAST STAGE<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Wait…are you seriously done?”<\/p>\n

Christopher was sitting up in bed, his hair disheveled even though his mother had told him to brush it not long ago, and he was staring at his father with a look somewhere between anticipation and shock. His father shifted uncomfortable in the oak chair he sat in, his face somewhere between a nervous fear and excited joy, unsure whether his son would approve of the end of the story.<\/p>\n

“I think I’m done,” John responded, treading carefully, choosing his words with great thought. “I think I’ve come to an ending for all this, and one that fits the story.”<\/p>\n

“Wow.”<\/p>\n

“I know.”<\/p>\n

“This is a big day for you, Papa.”<\/p>\n

“I know.”<\/p>\n

“Are you going to be all right?”<\/p>\n

“Are you<\/em> going to be all right?”<\/p>\n

“Please<\/em>, Papa. I can handle this. I can already guess how this is going to end.”<\/p>\n

John closed his leather-bound notebook, full of ruffled pages that curled and expanded over time; once, many months before this, he used to be able to close that notebook cleanly, the pages aligned perfectly, but now the book seemed to be bursting out of the rectangular cover. Pages were turned down at the corner, notes scrawled in the margins, diagrams of hobbit-holes and mountain caves and homely houses taking up entire pages, and ideas and dreams and images were spilling out of the binding at all times. John wasn’t sure his son could see them, but he saw them every single day he gazed upon that notebook.<\/p>\n

“Okay, son. How does this story end?”<\/p>\n

“Easy. Bilbo returns home to find out that his hobbit-hole was actually Smaug’s lair the whole time.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t even think I want to dignify that with a proper response.”<\/p>\n

“You don’t like twist endings?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t like things that don’t make sense.”<\/p>\n

“It makes perfect sense. Isn’t Middle Earth round? That’s why the journey took so long, because they walked over the whole of Middle Earth.”<\/p>\n

“Christopher, that…that is not at all logical at all,” John said, exasperated.<\/p>\n

“Sure it is. Wouldn’t it be rather ironic if Smaug’s lair was really in his backyard the whole time?”<\/p>\n

“Don’t you think Bilbo would have noticed the Lonely Mountain in his own backyard?”<\/p>\n

“Bilbo’s been too busy making tea and eating and organizing his hobbit-hole,” he replied matter-of-factly. “It’s easy to get distracted.”<\/p>\n

“Distracted for fifty years?<\/em>”<\/p>\n

“Hey, you’re the writer here. Make it work, Papa.”<\/p>\n

“You’re right about that,” John conceded. “I am the writer here, and that’s not how I am ending this story.” His son stuck his tongue out at him playfully, and John opened the notebook to one of the last few pages to a drawing of the inside of Bilbo’s hobbit-hole. “Now, it’s the first of May when Gandalf and Bilbo arrive at the Last Homely House–”<\/p>\n

“That’s late. It’s already May? Wasn’t it barely spring last time you told part of this story?”<\/p>\n

“Yes, but remember that these two are walking most of the way.”<\/p>\n

“Cars, Papa.”<\/p>\n

“No.”<\/p>\n

“……talking cars?”<\/p>\n

“NO.”<\/p>\n

“Fine<\/em>. Then I will sit here consumed with jealousy for the rest of the evening.”<\/p>\n

John ignored this. “As Bilbo and Gandalf walked down the steep path towards the Last Homely House, they heard the elves singing in the trees above them, celebrating the loss of Smaug, and then they soon joined the two travelers to welcome them.”<\/p>\n

“Papa?”<\/p>\n

“Yes?”<\/p>\n

“Why do the elves sing so much?”<\/p>\n

“It’s part of their culture, son.”<\/p>\n

“But why do so many characters sing?”<\/p>\n

“Well,” John started, wanting to be thoughtful about this, “it’s sort of like…well, I guess that I wanted this story to use songs in the same way they were used in old Norse mythology. You know, songs about military glory and great tragedy.”<\/p>\n

“But isn’t it a bit cumbersome to come up with the lyrics on the spot time and time again?”<\/p>\n

“Maybe for you and I, but the elves and dwarves are rather good at it. It’s in their nature to.”<\/p>\n

“Why don’t you have them write the story, then, if they can write so quickly?”<\/p>\n

“I–I am unsure how to respond to that. Characters in a story don’t write their own story<\/em>, Christopher.”<\/p>\n

“Only if you limit your own characters, Papa. That’s on you.”<\/p>\n

“Do you sit all day and try to think of logical pitfalls in which to trap me in?”<\/p>\n

“What else am I going to do?”<\/p>\n

John jokingly scowled at his son and pressed on. “Bilbo began to grow tired as he ate with the elves and listened to Gandalf tell them all stories of everything that had occurred in the last year. Bilbo was surprised to discover the reason for Gandalf’s necessary disappearance when it seemed he was needed most: he had driven the Necromancer out of the Mirkwood forest with the help of a council of white wizards.”<\/p>\n

“Whoa, whoa, what? What’s a Necromancer? And there are other<\/em> wizards? Papa, this is a lot of information to give me so close to the end.”<\/p>\n

“I know, but it’s not really important right now. It’s more like…it’s like a clue, I guess.”<\/p>\n

“For what?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know…it’s not important right now.”<\/p>\n

“What’s a Necromancer?”<\/p>\n

“You’ll find out.”<\/p>\n

“Am I one of the wizards?”<\/p>\n

“No.”<\/p>\n

“You didn’t put me in this book at all<\/em>?”<\/p>\n

“No, I didn’t.”<\/p>\n

“What kind of father are you?”<\/p>\n

“The kind who puts up with your interruptions for seemingly no reason.”<\/p>\n

Christopher paused. “Good comeback. You may continue.”<\/p>\n

“I’m ecstatic to have your permission, son,” John replied. “Anyway, Bilbo dozed off, only to be woken up by the singing of the elves.”<\/p>\n

“Seriously?”<\/p>\n

“They like singing.”<\/p>\n

“That seems rather annoying.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, so you don’t like it when someone interrupts an important task with a loud sound? That’s irritating to you, is it?”<\/p>\n

“You’re getting good at this, Papa. I’m impressed.”<\/p>\n

“I’m learning from the best. Bilbo slept a bit more, hoping the weariness in his body from so much travel and adventure would pass, and he was delighted to wake up hours later, feeling refreshed, eager to enjoy the presence of his new friends, the elves.”<\/p>\n

“Do you think the elves would be friends with me?”<\/p>\n

“I’m sure you’d make a nice friend to the elves, son.”<\/p>\n

“You’re just patronizing me, aren’t you?”<\/p>\n

“I’m at a point where I believe you would drive any species to a state of furious anger with your constant need to comment on everything.”<\/p>\n

“Maybe the elves really want real-time feedback on their lyrics.”<\/p>\n

“I highly doubt that.”<\/p>\n

“Do they elves have a form of government?”<\/p>\n

“You honestly don’t actually want to know the answer, son. You’re trying to get me to say something that you can then twist against me.”<\/p>\n

“Why would you say that?” Christopher replied, putting on the most bashful face he could muster without laughing. “I’m just curious about this stuff, that’s all.”<\/p>\n

“I wasn’t born yesterday.”<\/p>\n

“What if you were?”<\/em><\/p>\n

“You wouldn’t exist.”<\/p>\n

“No, but what if your whole “life”–” He made air quotes at the word “life”–“had actually just passed in a day, and you are a day old right now, and I’m like four seconds old?”<\/p>\n

“Can I actually tell you a story?”<\/p>\n

“You better hurry, I’m about to turn five seconds. Can we hold a party for my five second birthday?”<\/p>\n

“After a week with the elves, Bilbo and Gandalf left the Last Homely House and continued to head towards the lands where Bilbo was born and grew up. It seemed as if his entire life had passed in the last year.”<\/p>\n

“I told you that time was relative, Papa. See?”<\/p>\n

“It’s a figure of speech,” he said. Refusing to allow his son another word, he started again without a beat. “The two managed to find the place where they had buried the treasure of the trolls, and they discussed how they should split it up; Bilbo naturally declined all of it, but Gandalf insisted that he might need it more than he expected at the moment.”<\/p>\n

“He’s doing that thing again, isn’t he?”<\/p>\n

“Who, Gandalf?”<\/p>\n

“Yes. He’s doing that thing where he acts like he’s an encyclopedia of the future.”<\/p>\n

“He’s a wizard. He knows things that non-magical people do not.”<\/p>\n

“You mean like the future?”<\/p>\n

“You’re just supposed to accept that Gandalf mysteriously knows these things. It’s a fantastical story.”<\/p>\n

“Couldn’t Gandalf have just told<\/em> Bilbo what he meant by that instead of letting him walk into a disaster?”<\/p>\n

“Of course, but where’s the fun in that?”<\/p>\n

“Disasters aren’t fun, Papa. Now you’re being insensitive to the plight of the hobbits.”<\/p>\n

“No, now wait a minute. I created the hobbits. I care deeply about them.”<\/p>\n

“Well, apparently not enough to give them a heads up that something terrible is coming.”<\/p>\n

“Son, sometimes it’s best to let people go through difficult situations so that they can learn through experience.”<\/p>\n

“That just sounds like an attempt to shed accountability. Would you let me walk into a volcano if you knew a certain path led straight into it?”<\/p>\n

“Well, no<\/em>, of course not, but that’s not the same thing.”<\/p>\n

“Okay, then what does Bilbo find in his village that Gandalf was warning about?”<\/p>\n

John shuffled on his chair uncomfortably. “Well,” he started. He paused, then began again. “Bilbo’s been gone a very long time, okay? And it’s very much not in the hobbit nature to just up and leave one’s hobbit-hole, right?”<\/p>\n

“Sure.”<\/p>\n

“So while Bilbo was gone for about a year\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6.well, his village decided that he had died, so he arrives in the midst of them auctioning off his possessions and his home.”<\/p>\n

“You have to be kidding me, Papa.”<\/p>\n

“No, I’m not. I think it’s realistic! It’s very queer for a hobbit to leave their comfortable abode for that long.”<\/p>\n

“Papa, he just helped the dwarves get their wealth back and he saved like a billion creatures, and you’re just going to take away all of his stuff?”<\/em><\/p>\n

“It’s not quite like that, son, becau–”<\/p>\n

“Oh, you’re heartless, Papa. I’m shocked<\/em>. Genuinely shocked<\/em>.”<\/p>\n

“No, stop this moral crusade and let me tell you how it ends.”<\/p>\n

“Does his hobbit-hole spontaneously combust after this?”<\/p>\n

“No, he–”<\/p>\n

“Do his feet turn into radishes?”<\/p>\n

“What? No!”<\/p>\n

“So Smaug is actually a zombie now and he returns and razes the whole of Bag End to the ground and then he poops on Bilbo’s corpse?”<\/p>\n

“Now I’m<\/em> shocked you would even think of that. No, that’s not how it ends.”<\/p>\n

“Papa, how could you do this to Bilbo?”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Sweet lord, Christopher, he gets his stuff back. Well, most of it.”<\/p>\n

“Oh.”<\/p>\n

“Oh<\/em>,” John mimicked, almost sneering at his son. “See, if you would wait for me to finish a story, you might not be so upset.”<\/p>\n

“I think a zombie Smaug would probably be pretty cool, though.”<\/p>\n

“And then where would the story go? How would this possibly<\/em> end if an undead Smaug arrives at the end?”<\/p>\n

“You could turn it into a trilogy! Part two could be called, “The Horrors of the Hobbit-Hole Horror.”<\/p>\n

“That’s the worst title of anything I have ever heard.”<\/p>\n

“You’re just jealous of my alliteration skills.”<\/p>\n

“This isn’t a trilogy and it isn’t going to be<\/em> a trilogy, because Bilbo manages to get a lot of his stuff back by proving to people he is very much not<\/em> dead, though a couple cousins of him give him quite a bit of grief, since they were prepared to move into the hobbit-hole themselves.”<\/p>\n

“That’s pretty harsh. They should be happy that Bilbo’s alive.”<\/p>\n

“For once, I agree with you, son. You may cherish this moment in silence as I continue.”<\/p>\n

“I would set my cousin’s hobbit leg hair on fire if they did that to me.”<\/p>\n

“Well, Bilbo disagrees. He merely paid the last few who were resistant to get his furniture back.”<\/p>\n

“Bilbo had to pay to get his own stuff back? What sort of fascist arrangement is this???”<\/p>\n

“They thought he was dead<\/em>, Christopher. They didn’t do it while he lived<\/em> there.”<\/p>\n

“But it doesn’t matter because he got his stuff back, all right? Though\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6” John stopped to think. “Well, I suppose that’s not entirely true. The thing is, it was very odd to all of the hobbits in Bag End that Bilbo not only left, but made friends with lake men, dwarves, and elves, so much so that Bilbo sort of became an outcast in his own village.”<\/p>\n

“That sounds exactly<\/em> like fascism, Papa.”<\/p>\n

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t want any part of this oppressive system.”<\/p>\n

“But you know what, Christopher? Bilbo liked it<\/em>.”<\/p>\n

“What? Why would he like it?”<\/p>\n

“Because he did<\/em> something with his life. He left that hobbit-hole and he found out he was a lot more clever and adventurous and curious than he ever thought he would be. He made friends, people and creatures he would have never met. He helped defeat a dragon in his own way. He helped a group of mighty warriors regain their land and their pride and their dignity. He became a whole new hobbit, and even if the old hobbits he used to know didn’t treat him the same, he knew that he would forever have the respect and love of people all along the way to the Lonely Mountain, which\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6you know, it’s probably not so lonely anymore.”<\/p>\n

Christopher, stunned, sat in bed in silence for a few seconds, taking in the words. “Wow,” was all he said.<\/p>\n

John reached out to ruffle his son’s hair. “Sorry about that,” he said. “I think I came off a little strong there.”<\/p>\n

“No, no, it’s okay,” he assured him. “It’s\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6well, it’s actually a good point. I mean, Bilbo was kind of stuffy at the beginning of the book, wasn’t he?”<\/p>\n

“Well, to us, sure, but hobbit culture isn’t quite like ours. But I wanted to show that Bilbo was the one who gained the most wealth, even if it wasn’t in gold.”<\/p>\n

“Is that the very end, then?”<\/p>\n

“No, no. Gandalf visits Bilbo one more time when Bilbo is nearly twice as old as he was during the story.”<\/p>\n

“Did he finally explain why he’s a big secret keeper?”<\/p>\n

“No<\/em>, son. It’s probably because his beard is so big. I don’t know! But he brings Balin with him, and the two tell Bilbo how much Esgaroth and Dale has changed, mostly for the better.”<\/p>\n

“So Bilbo helped out with all of that?”<\/p>\n

“Well, in his old special way. The thing is–and Gandalf tells Bilbo this himself at the very end–that hobbit did<\/em> play a big part in the events of that year in Middle Earth. But at the same time, he is just one creature in a large world, and there are so many factors that change things. That’s even the case in our world, too; one person can change things greatly, but in the end, they’re still just one person.”<\/p>\n

“I suppose Bilbo just did the best he could, then.”<\/p>\n

“I think so, too,” John said, bringing the cover to close on his notebook. He sat there, looking at his son, a faint smile on his lips. “So that’s the end. I think it’s as good a place to end as I’ll get.”<\/p>\n

“Does Bilbo die?”<\/p>\n

“Eventually, sure.”<\/p>\n

“That’s really mean, Papa.”<\/p>\n

“Son, it’s not in<\/em> the book. But everything dies, so yes, Bilbo eventually does too.”<\/p>\n

“Does he come back to haunt people?”<\/p>\n

“There aren’t ghosts in Middle Earth. No spirits of that sort.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, come on<\/em>. No cars, no talking ponies, and now no ghosts? What sort of people do you expect to read this book? Fascists?<\/em>”<\/p>\n

“No one is reading this book. It’s just a story I jotted down for you.”<\/p>\n

Christopher pointed to the notebook in John’s lap. “That looks like a book to me.”<\/p>\n

“Maybe someday when I don’t have so much academic work to do.”<\/p>\n

“I bet your colleagues in academia are totally into ghosts and talking ponies, Papa.”<\/p>\n

“No, I assure you they are not.”<\/p>\n

“Those aren’t the kind of men I’d like to study with, then.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t you dare call them fascists, Christopher.”<\/p>\n

“I wasn’t going to, Papa! But one day, I’ll improve on your story once you publish it.”<\/p>\n

“If<\/em> I publish it.”<\/p>\n

“If you don’t, I’ll start showing up with your academia buddies and asking questions.”<\/p>\n

John laughed. “Fine, perhaps I’ll give it a try.”<\/p>\n

His son stuck out his hand. “You have to shake on it.”<\/p>\n

John obliged, taking his son’s hand firmly and shaking. “It’s a deal, then,” he said, standing up and kissing him on the forehead. “Goodnight, Christopher.”<\/p>\n

“Goodnight.”<\/p>\n

John turned to the door and as he reached the doorway, his son spoke up. “Dad?”<\/p>\n

He turned back. “Yes?”<\/p>\n

“That was a really good story. Thank you.”<\/p>\n

John just smiled in return. He hoped his son was right.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Just a quick note: There is a surprise review tomorrow. There is a surprise next week. Lord of the Rings<\/em> is coming soon. And shit’s gonna real for y’all.<\/p>\n

omg I read The Hobbit<\/em> and it was really good BUT HONESTLY. I can’t wait to lose my shit for the trilogy. BRING IT ON.<\/p>\n

Just to make note of it: we WILL be having a liveblog on Mark Watches of the Rankin\/Bass animated movie, but Battlestar Galactica<\/em> liveblogs are scheduled for the next two weekends. I’ll make a post here when I finalize the date!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the nineteenth (and final) chapter of The Hobbit, Gandalf helps Bilbo return to his home. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to finish The Hobbit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[115],"tags":[118,23,116],"class_list":["post-649","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-hobbit","tag-jrr-tolkien","tag-mark-reads","tag-mark-reads-the-hobbit"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/649","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=649"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/649\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=649"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=649"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=649"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}