{"id":643,"date":"2011-11-14T06:00:44","date_gmt":"2011-11-14T14:00:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/?p=643"},"modified":"2011-11-08T12:31:18","modified_gmt":"2011-11-08T20:31:18","slug":"mark-reads-the-hobbit-chapter-16","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/2011\/11\/mark-reads-the-hobbit-chapter-16\/","title":{"rendered":"Mark Reads ‘The Hobbit’: Chapter 16"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the sixteenth chapter of The Hobbit<\/em>, Bilbo gets tired of the dwarves’ endless nonsense and decides to take the first step towards ending the standoff at the Lonely Mountain. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read The Hobbit<\/em>.<\/p>\n

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: A THIEF IN THE NIGHT<\/strong><\/p>\n

You know, the very first sentence of chapter sixteen lets me know that we’re in for the long haul, at least until Bilbo gets as annoyed as I am.<\/p>\n

Now the days passed slowly and wearily.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Days<\/em>? The dwarves hold out in the mountain for days?<\/em> I generally consider myself a fairly patient person, but the dwarves’ stubbornness is wearing that thin, and rather quickly I might add. While the lake men and elves continue to gather outside (probably losing their patience, too), the dwarves spend time “piling and ordering the treasure,”<\/em> which makes me so irrationally angry that I then become even more<\/em> angry that I’ve let myself get upset at a bunch of dwarves who aren’t even real. This entire endeavor is so foolish and impractical because….seriously, are the dwarves just going to starve to death in that cave??? Oh god THEY’LL PROBABLY EAT BILBO<\/em>. Now my roast hobbit joke takes on a whole new meaning!<\/p>\n
To make matters worse (DOES ANYTHING EVER GET BETTER ON THIS SITE), Ro\u00c3\u00a4c arrives with news that pretty much causes Bilbo to crack: Dain and five hundred<\/em> dwarves<\/em> are on their way to help aid those walled up with the treasure. That makes matters inevitable: there’s going to be a war. A war! And guess who is stuck right in the middle of it and hasn’t even been consulted on the matter?<\/p>\n
That’s why I really love what happens here and what Tolkien does with Bilbo’s character. He’s a loyal friend, first of all, but at the same time, he’s far more practical than anyone else in his group. We saw that in the Mirkwood Forest and here in the cave when Bilbo confronted Smaug the first time. Here, though, he takes a mighty gigantic risk in order to force the confrontation between the dwarves and Bard’s party before this turns into complete chaos. Using the trust that he’s gained from the dwarves, he essentially tricks Bombur into believing he’ll take watch on the wall. (Oh god is this where GRRM got the idea of the Wall <\/em>HE TOTALLY DID<\/em><\/strong> omg) Once he does, he leaves<\/em>.<\/p>\n
It’s brilliant. I don’t care. This is the most fantastic thing he’s done in the book after attacking the spiders with Sting. The risk it poses is great, obviously, and when I found out the full scope of his plan, there were so many things that could have backfired about it. Well, I suppose there are still things to be discovered about this, since the dwarves have no idea what’s going on, but for the time being, I am just so impressed<\/em>.<\/p>\n
I think that’s ultimately why Bard was so shocked and so hospitable to Bilbo when he does appear in his camp. For a second or two after Bilbo descended down the wall, I thought he might just try to escape, but he had a long journey back to the West to take all by himself. It did make more sense for him to find a way to end this conflict so that he’d have company on his way back home. How<\/em> he was going to do that was a mystery to me, so I was just as excited to figure out what Bilbo was doing as Bard.<\/p>\n
It might be a bit presumptive of Bilbo to go ahead and make any sort of offer on behalf of the dwarves, but I think that I ultimately support what he does here.<\/p>\n
“A share in the profits<\/em>, mind you,” he went on. “I am aware of that. Personally I am only too ready to consider all your claims carefully, and deduct what is right from the total before putting in my own claim. However you don’t know Thorin Oakenshield as well as I do now. I assure you, he is quite ready to sit on a heap of gold and starve, as long as you sit here.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Well, this is pretty damn reasonable, right? Again, Bilbo might get into trouble for enacting this without the dwarves’ input, but it’s still a good plan. I think? I did notice a small flaw in this, and it perplexed: how would Bilbo get Bard and the elves to believe him? He’s offering this on behalf of people who have no idea that he’s doing this, so…that’s a pretty shaky platform, isn’t it? Even when he tells Bard that Dain is on his way to this very place with five hundred more dwarves, the man can’t understand how this makes any sort of sense. Is Bilbo betraying the dwarves? he wonders aloud.<\/p>\n
“My dear Bard!” squeaked Bilbo. “Don’t be so hasty! I never met such suspicious folk! I am merely trying to avoid trouble for all concerned. Now I will make you an offer!”<\/p>\n
“Let us hear it!” they said.<\/p>\n
“You may see it!” said he. “It is this!” and he drew forth the Arkenstone, and threw away the wrapping.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
OH BILBO, YOU EVIL GENIUS<\/strong>. Holy shit, this makes SO MUCH SENSE. Offer the Arkenstone to Bard, and use it as a bargaining tool against Thorin’s own greed. I mean…jesus, this is such a dastardly<\/em> thing to do. (And really, I don’t get to say “dastardly” enough as it is.) I think it needs to be said that the Bilbo we met at the beginning of this book wouldn’t have even dreamed up this plan, let alone attempted to execute it. But Bilbo steals Thorin’s most desired piece of treasure, hands it to the opposing party, and implores them to use it against him. BILBO YOU BADASS. Thieving badass, yes, but a badass nonetheless<\/em>.<\/p>\n
The Elvenking looked at Bilbo with a new wonder. “Bilbo Baggins!” he said. “You are more worthy to wear the armour of elf-princes than many that have looked more comely in it.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Well, SHUCKS. That’s might kind of you to say, Elvenking! The dude even offers to let Bilbo stay with their party! But Bilbo has his plan mapped out in even more detail than I expected. He plans to return to the dwarves<\/em>. Oh shit, this is going to be either a TOTAL DISASTER or a BEAUTIFUL VICTORY. I imagine that Thorin is not one to be very reasonable while angry, to be quite honest, so I don’t know that this is necessarily the best thing to do. Still, Bilbo has a point: the dwarves will know too much if Bilbo doesn’t return.<\/p>\n
On his way out of camp, the lake men and the elves ecstatic at the turn of events, there’s one last thing that happens that makes me feel all weird inside because what the holy fuck<\/em>:<\/p>\n
As they passed through the camp an old man, wrapped in a dark cloak, rose from a tent door where he was sitting and came towards them.<\/p>\n
“Well done! Mr. Baggins!” he said, clapping Bilbo on the back. “There is always more about you than anyone expects!” It was Gandalf.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
WHAT THE FUCK IS GANDALF DOING<\/strong>. Does he just hide in camps to offer sage wisdom and completely confuse people<\/em>? Was he waiting here the whole time? DOES HE KNOW THE FUTURE. I mean, how does someone get away with saying shit like this to someone and then just off and leaving?<\/p>\n
“Things are drawing towards the end now, unless I am mistaken. There is an unpleasant time just in front of you; but keep your heart up! You may<\/em> come through all right!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
WHY DON’T YOU JUST CAST A SPELL AND MAKE THE MOUNTAIN TURN INTO A GIANT BOWL OF PUDDING OR SOMETHING? I mean, are you even going to assist at all?<\/em> I get the sense that Gandalf just stands around like some sort of wizardly hipster. “Oh, I already know<\/em> what’s going to happen. I’ve seen<\/em> it, man. You just go on ahead, I’m going to stand around in my robes and talk about elf rock with some lake men.”<\/p>\n
Gandalf, you’re such a weirdo and I love you for it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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