{"id":4730,"date":"2018-10-15T05:00:29","date_gmt":"2018-10-15T12:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/?p=4730"},"modified":"2018-10-14T17:06:06","modified_gmt":"2018-10-15T00:06:06","slug":"mark-reads-the-science-of-discworld-chapter-16","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/2018\/10\/mark-reads-the-science-of-discworld-chapter-16\/","title":{"rendered":"Mark Reads ‘The Science of Discworld II’: Chapter 16"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the sixteenth chapter of The Science of Discworld II<\/i>, do we have free will? If you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re intrigued, then it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time for Mark to read Discworld<\/i>.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Trigger Warning: For discussion of anti-Roma slurs\/stereotypes, religious abuse and homophobia<\/b><\/p>\n

I just wanted to note upfront that I am skipping the g-slur used throughout the text in the videos; I realize this was published in 2002 and that at the same time, I had no idea that it was a slur, either. Still, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m reading it now, and the use of it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t acceptable, so I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even want to say it. And in this instance, more so than the last batch, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the stereotypical equation of Roma people with fortune tellers, so\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 yeah, those of us who are not Roma need to combat this trope as much as possible.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So, there was a LOT in here that resonated with me and my upbringing. (And I remain surprised at how much I continue to have to say about these books; I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m always worried I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to run out of stuff to respond to, you know?) The notion of free will is a complicated one for me, given that I, like in the examples the authors give, was told that God already had a will for me. I was supposed to act in line with it. Even worse, I lived in one of those conservative religious cultures where I was already doomed. No matter what I did, if I did not renounce being gay, I was destined for Hell. And that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s terrifying, isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it? \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Destined.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d It meant that at a very young age, fully knowing that I was attracted to other boys, I was aware that I had virtually no choices that would prevent me from going to Hell. Oh, I tried<\/i> to adapt, to fake heterosexuality, to force my mind and my heart to be attracted to other girls, but I was always keenly aware that this was fake, that I was a fraud.<\/p>\n

How do you grow up in a system like that? How can you believe choice matters when you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re taught so young that it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t<\/i>? And that wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the only means by which this idea was drilled into my head. There were so many other ways in which God was taught to me to be omniscient, omnipotent, and had already made a decision about my eternal soul. In hindsight, I can see both why I believed what I was told\u00e2\u20ac\u201dlord, was I ever<\/i> desperate for direction, validation, and attention\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand why I now still experience shame while thinking about it. How could I accept a world so cruel? How could I believe the words of someone who literally did not follow what she taught? But thinking, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I should have known,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is an act of futility. I didn’t<\/i> know and you can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s impossible to do so. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll ever know if this was intentional or if this was passed on to me because my mother also did not question the programming she was taught. At the very least, though, I think it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s important to analyze this stuff, to be honest about the ways in which systems have taught us that there is no hope, no real choice. What is their interest in teaching us these sort of lessons? Because I view my past less as one where someone was desperate to get me to believe in God\u00e2\u20ac\u201dsurely, there were more attractive methods\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut of one where control<\/i> was absolute. If I could be controlled, could be molded into a precise and exact version of a person, then the techniques did not matter. All that mattered was that I was obedient, and turning a child into a ball of terror and anxiety is certainly one way to achieve that.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As religious and strict as my mother was, she contained so many contradictions. Practically everything was evil, Satanic, or would have an undue influence on children. Yet she wholly believed in astrology, y\u00e2\u20ac\u2122all, while actively criticizing other people for believing in it<\/i>. I am sure you have lots of questions, and I can answer NONE OF THEM. But she would discount people\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s opinions because of what sign they were; she chose political candidates based on chart readings; she would insult people based on that, too. So, it was real<\/i> easy for me to consider astrology and horoscopes to be utter nonsense at a young age. Which is fascinating, now that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m thinking about it! Why was I so quick to disbelieve that, to notice the contradictions present between belief and behavior? It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got to be an issue of stakes. Not believing in the Zodiac signs didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean I would be sent to Hell, you know? There wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the same fear running through my body, and so it was easier for me to see astrology as nothing more than a silly hobby.<\/p>\n

I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say I feel that much different about it all, given how many wildly differing (and hilariously contradictory) opinions I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve heard about my sign or even my \u00e2\u20ac\u0153new\u00e2\u20ac\u009d one. I admit that there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s always going to be a part of me that wonders if my environment would have been different as a child, if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d still believe as I did. Was I primed for disbelief, or did that come about because of my experiences? I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not sure, and I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s any way to definitively know that. Like this chapter says, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no scientific test for free will or for belief. You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t measure that unless you could restart a person\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s life and watch it develop with one element changed. Even then, can you really determine the trajectory of a life with just one<\/i> change? Was my mother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s religion the cause of all of this, or was it some other factor? Or some other interaction? At the end of the day, I can think of these sort of things, but I mostly try to focus on how my beliefs affect the here and now. How they affect a possible future. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know that, either, but I can do my best to try and observe the world, notice patterns, and make a judgement<\/i> about the future.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

https:\/\/youtu.be\/cGb0CnDltS8<\/p>\n

Mark Links Stuff<\/b><\/p>\n

– My YA contemporary debut, ANGER IS A GIFT<\/a>, is now out in the world!\u00c2\u00a0<\/strong>If you’d like to stay up-to-date on all announcements regarding my books, sign up for my newsletter<\/a>! DO IT.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"