In the sixth part of\u00c2\u00a0Hogfather<\/i>, Ridcully gets a bathroom; Death does his job; and Hex\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get the Hex thing. Intrigued? Then it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time for Mark to read\u00c2\u00a0Discworld<\/i>.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n
The Bathroom<\/b><\/p>\n
You ever see that photoset go around Tumblr about rich people showers? I have secretly been in that fandom this entire time. I HAVE A THING ABOUT REALLY NICE SHOWERS, AND I CANNOT EXPLAIN WHERE IT CAME FROM. Honestly! But the weirder they are, the more I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m\u00c2\u00a0super into them<\/i>. A couple of years ago, my partner at the time booked us on a mini-vacation to Vegas for a few days, and one of the reasons for that was so that we could go to one of the ridiculous spas there. Now, I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ever been interested in this whole aspect of Vegas in my life, and to be honest, I only vaguely knew it existed. I have body image issues, so aside from some necessary massages I got on the AIDS Lifecycle ride I used to do, I just don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fuck with spas. At all.<\/p>\n
AT LEAST I USED TO BE THIS WAY. Oh my god, I went to a spa in the Venetian (I think???) where they had this whole shower section that allowed you to experience \u00e2\u20ac\u0153rain\u00e2\u20ac\u009d from other countries. It is absolutely the most absurd idea, but I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care. And much like Ridcully\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s new shower, there were a ton of buttons that you could press for a different experience. Some where like, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Amazon Rainforest\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Tropical Monsoon\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or some bogus bullshit, and they changed temperature and frequency and intensity and\u00c2\u00a0I want to live in them<\/i>. There was even a polar room where you could experience water the temperature of a Norwegian fjord? Which also sounds fake as hell, but you better believe I went in there after I spent time in a sauna.<\/p>\n
All of this is to say that: I deeply understand your love of showers, Mustrum Ridcully. I literally cannot make fun of you because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be making fun of myself.<\/p>\n
There\u00c2\u00a0is<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0a reason for the shower scene, though. (I love that I get to type that.) I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite figured out the logistics of it, but Ridcully discovers a gnome trying to sneak out of his new bathroom. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the same gnome from earlier, correct? Or perhaps it is a new one. Regardless, I still think that the room was locked up to prevent something from getting out, and whatever that \u00e2\u20ac\u0153something\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is, it goes\u00c2\u00a0glingleglingleglingle<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0all the time. So why a Verruca Gnome? Why was one created so suddenly? That would mean that someone, somewhere, just started to believe that Verruca Gnomes were\u00c2\u00a0actually<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0real. How does that happen?<\/p>\n
Death at the Maul<\/b><\/p>\n
I cannot get enough of this scene. I SIMPLY CANNOT. The best thing is\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 well, how do I choose??? Death deciding to land his sleight direction on top of Mr. Crumley\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s creation, thereby creating a disaster right from the start is great. So is one of the pigs pissing everywhere, and this line KILLED ME:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Look, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going all the way to the stairs! All those who can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t swim hold onto the bannisters!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Which reminded me of a small child at the pool at the hotel I was at for GeekyCon this year. My friend Hannah and I were walking into it, taking the steps delicately because there were kids crowded around the entrance. Then this little blonde girl \u00e2\u20ac\u201c she couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have been older than 7 – looks up at us, then turns to all her friends and waves her arm dramatically to the side. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Make way!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she announced. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Parents coming through!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
We got dragged by a goddamn child.<\/p>\n
The children here are\u00c2\u00a0golden<\/i>, and Pratchett uses them to add chaos to an already chaotic situation. The young girl who sits on Death\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lap and asks for the best assortment of gifts might be my favorite. Or it could be the moment where Death grants her a model castle, a toy army, AND A REAL SWORD THAT IS PROBABLY LONGER THAN SHE IS TALL.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t give her that!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she screamed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not safe!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
IT\u00e2\u20ac\u2122S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY\u00e2\u20ac\u2122RE NOT\u00c2\u00a0MEANT<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0TO BE SAFE.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a child!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d shouted Crumley.<\/p>\n
IT\u00e2\u20ac\u2122S EDUCATIONAL.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What if she cuts herself?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Okay, that might be the best part. I CAN\u00e2\u20ac\u2122T DECIDE.<\/p>\n
Hex<\/b><\/p>\n
Nothing new in this admission: I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m still bored by the characterization of the Bursar. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just tiring at this point. But I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m guessing that Hex is important to this story. How? It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a guess, y\u00e2\u20ac\u2122all, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know!!! But if you can outright communicate with Hex through talking, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got to be a significant development. Maybe Hex can figure out how the Verruca gnome came to be!!! IT\u00e2\u20ac\u2122S A THEORY.<\/p>\n
https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=2v7FjSRhP9s<\/p>\n
Mark Links Stuff<\/b><\/p>\n
– I am now on Patreon<\/a>! There are various levels of support, from $1 up to whatever you want! You’ll get to read a private blog, extra reviews, and other such rewards.<\/b>
\n– I\u00c2\u00a0will be at numerous conventions in 2016! Check the full list of events on my Tour Dates \/ Appearances page.<\/a>
\n– My Master Schedule<\/a> is updated for the near and distant future for most projects, so please check it often.\u00c2\u00a0My next Double Features for Mark Watches have been announced here.<\/a>
\n<\/b>-\u00c2\u00a0Mark Does Stuff is on Facebook!<\/a>\u00c2\u00a0I’ve got a community page up that I’m running. Guaranteed shenanigans!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"In the sixth part of\u00c2\u00a0Hogfather, Ridcully gets a bathroom; Death does his job; and Hex\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get the Hex thing. Intrigued? Then it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time for Mark to read\u00c2\u00a0Discworld.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[451],"tags":[519,463,248],"class_list":["post-3924","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-discworld","tag-hogfather","tag-mark-reads-discworld","tag-terry-pratchett"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3924","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3924"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3924\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3924"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3924"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3924"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}