{"id":372,"date":"2011-06-08T07:00:35","date_gmt":"2011-06-08T14:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/?p=372"},"modified":"2011-05-31T23:10:04","modified_gmt":"2011-06-01T06:10:04","slug":"mark-reads-my-immortal-part-3-chapters-12-20","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/2011\/06\/mark-reads-my-immortal-part-3-chapters-12-20\/","title":{"rendered":"Mark Reads &#8216;My Immortal&#8217;: Part 3 (Chapters 12-20)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><!-- p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia} li.li1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia} span.s1 {letter-spacing: 0.0px} -->In the third part of Mark\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s journey through the world of <em>My Immortal<\/em>, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s almost like watching his brain break rapidly over time. Intrigued? Then it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time for Mark to continue reading <em>My Immortal<\/em>. And experience no joy from it at all.<\/p>\n<p><!--more-->No, seriously, I am so full of anger right now.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>CHAPTER 12<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Even the breaking-the-fourth-wall comments aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t funny anymore. I imagine that reading this fic as it unfolded all those years ago when it was being uploaded gradually had to be one of those rare things that is impossible to describe to other people, one of those You-Had-To-Be-There experiences that only you and the others who participated could understand. Hell, I could imagine how fun it was to read this after the fact in one session. But breaking it up like I do? It really doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work at all. This almost feels like a lesson both in humility and in perception, as I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m coming to terms with just how bizarre my project is. I mean&#8230;I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m really glad that so many hundreds of thousands of you have stuck with me for the last two years. (Well, two years in August, which will be the two-year anniversary of starting Mark Reads <em>Twilight<\/em>.) This is not something that I think anyone would have predicted would be successful, and I imagine for many of you who are fans of the things that I consume, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s probably a bit agonizing, too! Because I am SO FAR AWAY FROM YOUR MOST FAVORITE THING EVER and that has to be hard to wait. AND I MAKE YOU WAIT <em>AND YOU DO <\/em>and I love you all dearly for it.<\/p>\n<p>But it has to be a <em>strange<\/em> experience to explain to people if you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re excited about this blog, and now I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m thinking how it actually must sound like a <em>terrible idea<\/em> to read <em>My Immortal <\/em>in pieces. And that is an idea I am rapidly starting to agree with.<\/p>\n<p>Chapter 12 is just\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6..it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like reading the unfiltered thoughts of pure puberty. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the only way I know how to describe this. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a mess of emotions and sexual confusion and really awful, immature ideas about nearly everything in the whole world, from suicide to pedophilia to goths and preps and WHO IS <em>HAIRGRID<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>My god, this is so terrible. Terrible is not even a good word. Worthless? Absurd? Hell, it does seem like an exercise in absurdity, doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it? That is not a compliment, by the way.<\/p>\n<p>Of all of the ridiculous shit here, I am just at a loss for how bad all the continuity errors are. The author has made no attempt whatsoever to keep her facts straight at all. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know who Diabolo is or who they are supposed to be; I cannot keep track of Harry\/Vampire\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s scar and what it is supposed to be, nor what it does, and I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get the rose\/flames; I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t understand how Dumbledore is even in the room at; I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t understand HIGH-HEELED BOOTS WITH BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG\u00e2\u20ac\u2122S FACE ON THEM; I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t understand Ebony being furious with Harry\/Vampire and then having sex with him and then blaming Harry for that? And then there is more scar talk?<\/p>\n<p>Only one thing makes sense here:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>He [Vampire Harry] was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>because AMIRITE THAT WOULD TOTALLY HAPPEN. also let us hope it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Cedric for extra irony.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>CHAPTER 13<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Only thing worth mentioning: In this chapter, Dumbledore despises Draco, as he always should have done. Bless <em>My Immortal<\/em> forever.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>CHAPTER 14<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCARY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD<\/p>\n<p>Real or not, <em>this <\/em>is easily one of the funniest things I have ever read. <em>We are advising you to <\/em><strong><em>shit your pants,<\/em><\/strong><em> please<\/em>. Oh my god, maybe this is all not <em>that<\/em> awful.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. [What????]<\/li>\n<li>Draco was there crying tears of blood. [But\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6.he is dead?]<\/li>\n<li>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<li>We could hear his high heels clacking to us. [WHY IS VOLDY WEARING HIGH HEELS]<\/li>\n<li>He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.<\/li>\n<li>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so unfair!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I yielded. [I DO NOT THINK THAT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.]<\/li>\n<li>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B\u00e2\u20ac\u2122loody Mary, because she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not ugly or anything.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<li>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking [NOT TYPING THAT AWFUL WORD THAT I HATE].<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Yeah, I take it back. This is unbelievably awful.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>CHAPTER 15<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>OK SERIOUSLY I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Can a vampire drink their own blood? I thought that was impossible. Wait, <em>why am I trying to ascribe logic to any of this.<\/em><\/li>\n<li>Okay, apparently advanced Biology is very deeply important to Ebony because she makes sure to go to class and then she plays guitar <em>in<\/em> class and then the guitar <em>turns into Draco?<\/em> What the hell kind of transfiguration is happening here? <em>IS THIS MCGONAGALL\u00e2\u20ac\u2122S FAULT<\/em><\/li>\n<li>Do the preps ever actually <em>say<\/em> anything to Ebony or does she always resort to immediately flipping them off?<\/li>\n<li>How is Lupin alive? Wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t he shot like a million times by Ebony? Same with Snape?<\/li>\n<li>WHY IS MCR HOLDING A CONCERT IN HOGSMEADE. Is this some must-have market in the music industry now? Literally, there have to be like ten people who like MCR in Hogwarts <em>that makes no sense<\/em>.<\/li>\n<li>When is this going to end \ud83d\ude41<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>CHAPTER 16<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Wait a second, now the author <em>hates<\/em> Raven? What happened? OMG OUTSIDE DRAMA <em>MAYBE THIS ALL MIGHT ACTUALLY BECOME INTERESTING<\/em><\/p>\n<p>But no. Instead, I have to read this:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Seriously, will never forgive any of you. Ever.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know if the author tried to do that thing where you show a future event, and then go back in time to give the details of how that thing happened (one of my favorite storytelling devices, actually!), or if she just fucked up her own continuity, but\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6.actually, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no way she had enough foresight to do that. <em>What the fuck is this<\/em>. First, Ebony and Draco go to this MCR concert and then Ebony is telling Draco she won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t go to the concert? <em>BUT YOU JUST FUCKING DID<\/em>. WHAT THE HELL.<\/p>\n<p>Oh my god and then. AS;KLDFJSAJF A;KDF A;DFKAJA<\/p>\n<p>I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t understand. I have lost the ability to excel at reading comprehension. Even&#8211;<em>even<\/em>&#8211;if this is a fic created solely out of the desire to troll all of us, I honestly cannot wrap my head around how some of these sentences were created. For example, Ebony is upset because she is worried she will have sex with Draco because they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re at an MCR concert. Ok, that is an example <em>in and of itself<\/em>, but follow me.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do that again,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Draco promised. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This time, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going with an ESCORT.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153OMFG wtf\/ Are you giving into the mainstream?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I asked.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>ON WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE DOES THIS MAKE EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF SENSE<\/strong>. This is not even good trolling! It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just <em>pure nonsense<\/em>.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>B\u00e2\u20ac\u2122loody Mary was standing there. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hajimemashite gurl,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she said happily (she spex Japanese so do I. dat menz \u00e2\u20ac\u0153how do u do\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in japanese). \u00e2\u20ac\u0153BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and ske skepped math.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>How:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>can this author spell Japanese but not the world \u00e2\u20ac\u0153classes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<li>can this author think that means \u00e2\u20ac\u0153how do u do\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<li>can a person fail all of her classes in a few days<\/li>\n<li>can a person be expelled for failing classes and <em>oh, by the way, they skipped math<\/em><\/li>\n<li>can this author think it is ok to break the fourth wall in her own story to yell at her friend.<\/li>\n<li>am I still reading this<\/li>\n<li>why<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<blockquote><p>We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong><em>No<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>So, fun story! I used to work at Hot Topic! That was the company that ruined me, flat out. Oh, Readers, I was once full of pure hope, believing that everything was wonderful and that I would be successful and perfect and everything was awesome. I got the job my sophomore year of college and was there until the end of my junior year when I was framed for stealing because I whined about being forced to work overtime without being paid. I wish I could provide you with a context for that so that it could make some sense to you, but many years later, it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make any more sense to me, either.<\/p>\n<p>So I sort of hate that place, but I promise not to let that completely ruin this. Even though the author tries to say that this is just some random \u00e2\u20ac\u0153goffik\u00e2\u20ac\u009d store, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Hot Topic. My god, you all, the people who fucking come to that store and decide that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a cool club or something? Like, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s totally cool to just be in a store touching everything for six straight hours and you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re definitely not annoying the people working there because they have to keep straightening up all the shit you are ruining and <strong>THE PEOPLE IN THIS FIC ARE <em>THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE<\/em><\/strong>. As if I <em>needed<\/em> yet another thing to make me hate all of this, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s taken me sixteen chapters to realize exactly what sort of people this represents.<\/p>\n<p>Troll or not, I hate this.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He shook his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I dint even no they had a camera.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>More importantly, <em>how can a camera pouch be gothic<\/em>. what is this. Oh, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a store where Tom Riddle works (how can Tom Riddle and Voldemort be existing at the same fucking time) and the employees just <em>give away clothes to hot girls.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>why is this<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>CHAPTER 17<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>who the fuck is Diabolo<\/em><\/p>\n<p>And why do <em>two<\/em> characters have a past where they were kidnapped at birth and their real family were vampires? Statistically, that is <em>hard to accept<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>It is not, however, hard for me to accept the brilliance of these two quotes:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It was&#8230;Vlodmort and da Death Deelers!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n<p>He wus werring a blak robe dat sed \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcavril lavigne\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was&#8230;Dumblydore!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I will never understand anyone who thinks Avril Lavigne deserves to be listened to.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>CHAPTER 18<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>No.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>CHAPTER 19<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>NO. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>CHAPTER 20<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 days so dnot expect updatz<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><em>you are not even fucking trying <\/em><strong><em>that is a dirty fucking lie<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I just don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get how one person can own so many outfits. There is no mention of money whatsoever in <em>My Immortal<\/em> and seriously, Ebony changes her clothes about four times a day and they never, ever seem the same.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>It was Loopin! \u00e2\u20ac\u0153R u gonna cum rape me or what.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore ahd told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>And this is where I unceremoniously tell you all that I am stopping. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m done. I cannot do this. I am defeated. I imagine I will not feel a second of shame for promising to read <em>My Immortal<\/em> after so many of you helped me raise money for my AIDS\/LifeCycle and then giving up. This is just <em>too much<\/em>. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care how unintentionally awful this is or purposely trolly it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s become, I draw the line at ridiculous comments about rape.<\/p>\n<p>And you know, I really don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be sad that I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what happens because <strong><em>nothing fucking happens in this<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going back to <em>The Golden Compass <\/em>tomorrow to wash my mouth of this awful taste left behind.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In the third part of Mark\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s journey through the world of My Immortal, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s almost like watching his brain break rapidly over time. Intrigued? Then it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time for Mark to continue reading My Immortal. And experience no joy from it &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/2011\/06\/mark-reads-my-immortal-part-3-chapters-12-20\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[63],"tags":[21,74,23,75,64,67],"class_list":["post-372","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-my-immortal","tag-awful","tag-mark-read-my-immortal","tag-mark-reads","tag-mcr","tag-my-immortal-2","tag-why"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/372","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=372"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/372\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=372"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=372"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=372"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<!-- WP Super Cache is installed but broken. 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