{"id":359,"date":"2011-05-27T07:00:06","date_gmt":"2011-05-27T14:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/?p=359"},"modified":"2011-05-25T21:10:45","modified_gmt":"2011-05-26T04:10:45","slug":"mark-reads-the-golden-compass-chapter-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/2011\/05\/mark-reads-the-golden-compass-chapter-5\/","title":{"rendered":"Mark Reads ‘The Golden Compass’: Chapter 5"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the fifth chapter of The Golden Compass<\/em>, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL<\/em><\/strong>. Intrigued? Then it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time for Mark to read The Golden Compass<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I TAKE IT ALL BACK. OH MY GOD, MRS. COULTER<\/em>.<\/p>\n

CHAPTER FIVE: THE COCKTAIL PARTY<\/strong><\/p>\n

I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know what to say. Holy shit, this got real so incredibly fast<\/em>.<\/p>\n

It certainly didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t formulate into a full-fledged thought, but something bothered me about the way that Mrs. Coulter and Lyra interacted, but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m at a point where I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to start making these elaborate character guesses from little to no actual<\/em> evidence. Except…well, this entire chapter not only provides that, but it actually spells it out and then everything is terrifying and weird and I hate that I have to read this one chapter at a time. What is wrong with me?<\/p>\n

Pullman establishes the general pattern that Lyra\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s life takes for the next six weeks as Mrs. Coulter not only helps raise her, but teaches her about the luxurious and glamorous life that she lives. As Pullman describes it, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dinner party after lunch meeting after shopping expedition, repeating in different locations and with different details, but all of it is otherwise the same. Mixed in with this, Mrs. Coulter also begins to teach<\/em> Lyra, about geography and mathematics and astronomy, filling in the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153piecemeal\u00e2\u20ac\u009d education she received from the Scholars at Jordan College who, frankly, didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really know what to do with an eleven-year-old orphan. She doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t go<\/em> to the school, so no one really had the proper amount of time to give her the education other children may have been getting. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s during one of these lessons (in particular, one about electrons) that Lyra lets it slip that she knows what Dust is.<\/p>\n

Immediately, Mrs. Coulter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s d\u00c3\u00a6mon flips his shit<\/em>. And Mrs. Coulter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s calm, controlled demeanor causes me to flip my shit<\/em>. This was the start of me feeling that Mrs. Coulter was kind of shadier than I anticipated, that maybe I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d given her too much credit. She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s clearly fishing for more information and, given what we find out about her job later on, I think that she was trying to get Lyra to name a person. Obviously, that wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t happen, since Lyra would never tell her how she came to learn about Dust. At the time, the main question swirling in my head concerned Mrs. Coulter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sudden interest: Why was she so defensive about Dust?<\/p>\n

As time passes, the two grow close, but I feel that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s more of a superficial thing than anything else, and Mrs. Coulter is definitely running almost purely on Lyra\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sense of wonder towards the end of this here. Pantalaimon is the first to vocalize that creeping thought placed way in the back of my head: Mrs. Coulter is not Lyra\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s friend. She is using the girl. Or, in Pantalaimon\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s words, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just making a pet out of you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Truthfully, Lyra cannot disagree:<\/p>\n

She had been feeling confined and cramped by this polite life, however luxurious it was. She would have given anything for a day with Roger and her Oxford ragamuffin friends, with a battle in the claybeds and a race along the canal. The one thing that kept her polite and attentive to Mrs. Coulter was that tantalizing hope of going north. Perhpas they would meet Lord Asriel. Perhaps he and Mrs. Coulter would fall in love, and they would get married and adopt Lyra, and go and rescue Roger from the Gobblers.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m guessing that…this won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t happen? At all? Nice try, though, Lyra.<\/p>\n
The afternoon of the cocktail party of this chapter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s title, Lyra finally finds a way to set off Mrs. Coulter. Inadvertently, of course, but it feels like Mrs. Coulter had been waiting a long time for this moment. Everything up until this point had been manipulation through happiness and interest, and what happens here\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6.jesus christ.<\/p>\n
Lyra had decided to use a little white shoulder bag to hide the alethiometer in so she could keep it with her at all times. Mrs. Coulter decides that it is absurd for Lyra to carry it in the house during the party. Mrs. Coulter is not having and snaps at Lyra, causing Pantalaimon to turn into a polecat (a weasel, for all of us here in America) as Lyra tries to convince Mrs. Coulter with charm.<\/p>\n
It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work because Mrs. Coulter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s golden monkey d\u00c3\u00a6mon flies to the floor, pins Pantalaimon to the floor with a paw around his neck and then makes as if to pull his ear off<\/em>.<\/p>\n
Not angrily, either, but with a cold curious force that was horrifying to see and even worse to feel.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
WHAT THE FUCK<\/strong>. Can Lyra actually<\/em> feel harm done to her d\u00c3\u00a6mon???? (You can answer that.)<\/p>\n
After this, Lyra stomps off to her room and slams the door, but Mrs. Coulter follows behind her and gives Lyra one of the most unsettling<\/em> scolds I have ever read, particularly this:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Now, the first guests will be arriving in a few moments, and they are going to find you perfectly behaved, sweet, charming, innocent, attentive, delightful in every way. I particularly wish for that, Lyra, do you understand me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, Mrs. Coulter.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Then kiss me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
She bent a little and offered her cheek.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Literally the creepiest kiss ever. Just ever. Gone was my desire to have Mrs. Coulter be this conflicting moral villain because now I just want Lyra to get the fuck out of that house. <\/em>Holy shit, this seriously makes my heart frown. \ud83d\ude41 \ud83d\ude41 \ud83d\ude41<\/p>\n
What is so spectacular about this chapter is that this is not even remotely the worst part<\/em>. I know that I said I was excited to see the two of them travel together, but Pullman has so rapidly pulled the rug out from under us that now I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m intrigued to see what Lyra does without <\/em>her. But my primary thoughts turn to Lyra surviving this awful cocktail party.<\/p>\n
On a positive note, to start things off, we do find out that Lyra\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s parents, a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153count and countess,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d died in some \u00e2\u20ac\u0153aeronautical accident\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in the North, and that Lyra\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s last name is Belacqua. Neat. AND THAT IS THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT HAPPENS. Because from here on out, shit is really fucked up<\/em>.<\/p>\n
It begins when Lyra manages to overheard a few Scholars discussing Dust with a pretty young woman, and Lyra cannot resist overhearing the conversation. At first, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nothing new: Dust is some sort of elementary particle that doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t interact with any other particle, yet is attracted to adults and not<\/em> children. But one of the Scholars let us know that the Oblation Board, mentioned by the Master in chapter two, was set up because<\/em> of the Dust. Oh, and MRS. COULTER CREATED IT AND RUNS IT<\/em><\/strong>. What. WHAT???<\/p>\n
Lyra (bless her heart) becomes involved in the conversation and is asked if she is \u00e2\u20ac\u0153safe\u00e2\u20ac\u009d from the Oblation Board, wherein she proceeds to list all of the other things that are clearly more dangerous than the Oblation Board: the gyptians, the werewolves, the Gobblers–<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what I mean,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the man said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what they call the Oblation Board, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t they?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME<\/strong>. Are you telling me that people are aware <\/em>of the fact that Mrs. Coulter is kidnapping children?<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153In the Middle Ages, parents would give their children to the church to be monks or nuns. And the unfortunate brats were known as oblates. Means a sacrifice, an offering, something of that sort. So the same idea was taken up when they were looking into the Dust business\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
THE OBLATE BOARD SACRIFICES CHILDREN. <\/em>I am so bewildered and confused WHAT IS GOING ON.<\/p>\n
The young woman in the group reveals herself privately to Lyra as a journalist, Ad\u00c3\u00a9le Starminster, who clearly was trying to get information from the Scholars about Dust, and is now interested in how Mrs. Coulter and Lyra are connected. But they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get very far because Mrs. Coulter herself finds them and gives the journalist a terrifying threat:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know your name,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d said Mrs. Coulter very quietly, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153but I shall find it out within five minutes, and then you will never work as a journalist again. Now get up very quietly, without making a fuss, and leave. I might add that whoever brought you here will also suffer.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
WHO IS THIS WOMAN. SHE IS JUST SO RIDICULOUS<\/em>. My god, she frightens me. (Note: Why does Lyra keep saying that Mrs. Coulter smells like metal? IS SHE TERMINATOR. omg SKYNET IS HERE.)<\/p>\n
Narrowly avoided one disaster, Pantalaimon hops on Lyra\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder to whisper in her ear that Mrs. Coulter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s d\u00c3\u00a6mon had been in their bedroom. Spying. And he probably knows about the alethiometer.<\/p>\n
I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve lost all coherency. It was at this point that my brain went FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU at that very thought that Pullman decided to drop all<\/em> of this into one single chapter. We are barely a quarter of the way through this book and I feel like my heart is going to explode.<\/p>\n
Lyra continues to move through the party, taking moments to stop and talk to various people or listening in one what they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re saying. At one point, she has a bizarre conversation with Lord Boreal, where Lyra takes a chance in bringing up the Dust and the Oblation Board. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s seriously like the magic word on Pee Wee\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Playhouse<\/em> or something, because the mere mention of it makes people act really fucking strange<\/em>. Lord Boreal gets all quiet and concentrated, wanting to know what Lyra knows and how<\/em> she came upon such knowledge. Once he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s satisfied that she knows just enough, and for the right reasons, he tells her that Mrs. Coulter probably took her on because she is \u00e2\u20ac\u0153ready to help her in that work.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That work\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is undefined briefly, until Lyra reveals she knows the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153work\u00e2\u20ac\u009d deals with children being sacrificed.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sacrifice<\/em> is rather a dramatic way of putting it. What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s done is for their good as well as ours. And of course they all come to Mrs. Coulter willingly. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so valuable. They must want to take part, and what child could resist her? And if she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to use you as well to bring them in, so much the better. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m very pleased.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
what. what. what.<\/strong> do you mean. i. i can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. i just can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n
my brain is dead. Mrs. Coulter wants to use Lyra to help her kidnap kids to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153sacrifice\u00e2\u20ac\u009d them in the North. what?!?!?!?!<\/em><\/p>\n
As Lyra and Pantalaimon stumble away in slow horror, they overhear someone else say Lord Asriel\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s name, and as they come closer, they find out that he is being \u00e2\u20ac\u0153held\u00e2\u20ac\u009d somewhere.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153In the fortress of Svalbard, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m told. Guarded by panserbj\u00c3\u00b8rne<\/em>–you know, armored bears.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
HOLY.
\nFUCKING.
\nSHIT.<\/p>\n
Is this why the Master wanted to kill Lord Asriel? To prevent him from being captured? Also: ARMORED BEARS OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n
The conversation that she hears is fractured and broken, as she only able to pick up slight bits of information at this point, such as:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153The last experiments have confirmed what I always believed–that Dust is an emanation from the dark principle itself, and–\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
OK WHAT. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT.<\/p>\n
I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe how this chapter ends, though it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s about one of the most sensible things imaginable at this point. Both Pantalaimon and Lyra are convinced that staying here at Mrs. Coulter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s house is a certain disaster, and Pantalaimon is no longer basking in the joy of reading Mrs. Coulter correctly. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so sudden, but Lyra rushes upstairs while Pantalaimon keeps watch. She packs what she can and using Pantalaimon as a guide, she makes a break for the door.<\/p>\n
She slipped though the door and into the hall, and in less than three seconds she was opening the front door of the flat. A moment after that she was through and pulling it quietly shut, and with Pantalaimon a goldfinch again, she ran for the stairs and fled.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Unbelievable. Completely unexpected, liberating, and electrifying all at once. WHY MUST I END HERE.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In the fifth chapter of The Golden Compass, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL. Intrigued? Then it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time for Mark to read The Golden Compass.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[48,57],"tags":[23,60,62,61],"class_list":["post-359","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-his-dark-materials","category-the-golden-compass","tag-mark-reads","tag-mark-reads-the-golden-compass","tag-philip-pullman","tag-religion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/359","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=359"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/359\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=359"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=359"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markreads.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=359"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}